people don't understand what I mean when I say i'm depressed
to you it means i'm broken and contagious, messed up to a point of no return  
to me i'm working through a hard time in my life but i'm getting better

how do you tell the ones you love
that you don't want to exist any more
but you don't want to die
like you would be okay with just poofing out of existence
but you will not try to end your own life
you start to give up
because the absence of feeling
is to much
I use to cry for hours
now it comes in waves
i'll cry for two minutes
and lack all emotions for hours
and then night falls
I can't sleep
but I feel anxious
so anxious
I start to shake
and panic
every night
same time
my nightly panic attack
and I'm sick of it I want emotions back

I sit in the rain
just letting it pour down your face
distinguishing between the tears and the rain would be impossible
except for my mascara that runs down my face like a river
the tears turns black and streams down my face
crying about everything and anything
I feel like I've fallen apart
drowning in the rain
drowning
but with every breath I give to the world
one is taken from me
but I wipe my face
I stand up
and I go back inside
back to my life

one day people will understand that a smile dos'not define happiness
one day people will know that asking questions is rude to do
one day people will stop starring and whispering
one day it will be okay for every one to be themselves