I had so much resolve to completely avoid you today
The instant you said something to me it instantly disintegrated

Who else do you talk to?
Are you making an emotional connection with them?

I’m not what you want
It hurts
Especially when I know I’m what other guys want
But I just want you

Should I stop being so negative about you not liking me?
I don’t even know if you do or don’t
I’ve never asked
I’m too afraid of your answer
Maybe if I let in some positive hope something magical would happen

I wish I could disappear without a trace

Why keep pretending I could be a fraction of anyone you’d actually want
We should just end whatever this thing we’re doing is

I miss having someone to make plans with
I miss having a date to look forward to
I miss the routine of a relationship
I don’t miss the raw agony they always end in

My memories of you, of us
Make my heart race

Why do I torture myself with memories from my past?
A song
A movie
A place
The raw hurt is a normality now
Emotionally cutting
Creating perpetual wounds

Your heart is somewhere else
I have to get mine to understand that

I’m no one
To everyone

I wish I were different

I need a sign
Beyond any shadow of a doubt

We’re under the same sky
We work under the same roof
I wish you’d want me around more

I want to be your favorite

You make me hate myself
Why did you hold my hand at the movies?
Why did you even start talking to me if you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me?
You uprooted my simple, blissfully lonely life
I’m mad at you for that
I’m so angry
You made me believe there was an ounce of hope for something more when you knew you didn’t have any feelings for me
Now you’re all I can ever think about
And you still couldn’t care less about me

I’m a hopeless romantic masquerading as a heartless cynic.

I’m just a body to you
Warm holes to be used
Only when you see fit

I feel so stupid that I feel so bad because of you

I get a fraction of a ghost of you

I look at myself all the time
Trying to find whatever it is people see in me

Every guy sees my soul
Every guy...except for you

Who is she?
What’s her name?
What was she like?
Did she always say the right thing?
Why do you still love her?
Why can’t you love me?

My life is pathetic and meaningless

I wish I were different
Better
Perfect-only through your eyes

I’m closer to thirty
Not thriving or flirty
A movie you enjoyed.
I thought it would be you,
I got up that night from your second couch,
The thought of asking you to dance flew through my hazy mind
At the last second the music changed,
Almost as if, arranged
By a higher power
One that knew our doomed future
One that knew, you would leave me with wounds that could never be fixed with sutures
I’m still dance less
Maybe, in an alternate universe, the right guy would finally walk up to me, hand outstretched, and ask me
I, in turn, would say yes
Instantly hexed

You’re getting too close to me
I’ll only disappoint
That’s what you told me.
What does that even mean?
I can’t change my feelings for you
but,
I can’t force you to have any feelings for me.
I’m disappointed I can’t just be who you want enough for you to even want to try.

Subconsciously locking my feelings away again
Trying to accept that I’m nothing to you
I don’t want to get hurt
I can’t get hurt
I know I won’t survive a next time

I guess it’s sad
It still hurts to know that you just see my messages and ignore them
Ignore me
What did I do wrong?
Why don’t you even remotely like me?

I spend all day trying to distract myself with other thoughts
Thoughts that aren’t you
Thoughts that aren’t about wanting to die

Nothing means anything
To
You

I don’t bother you about it because it seems to be the last thing on your mind
I, seem to be the last thing on your mind

How do you make me feel better and worse at the same time?

That one kiss
I knew I shouldn’t have done it
But you were right there
Underneath me
I was selfish
I couldn’t help myself
I felt my feelings transfer in that moment
They bubbled over and spilled from my heart to my lips
And you felt it

No matter how much I try
Nothing changes

It’s okay, I wouldn’t want to hang out with me either

Today last year
I passed through your threshold for the first time
Not knowing that I would eventually have a key
Now,
We don’t talk
We don’t see each other,
We don’t say I love you.
All it took was a year.
A year that took a lot from me.

Why am I even considering getting two movie tickets
Why on earth would you even go with me?
I wouldn’t even know how to begin to ask you anyways

That’s the only way it could ever happen-
A dream or a movie
Either way, not in this life or any other

Where is your mind?
Did I cross it today?

It hurts when your heart is breaking but still keeps beating
And just the sight of him makes it pound so loudly you think you can hear it and surely he can see it beating across the table
This life is tortuous

It ***** liking someone so much
Wanting someone so much
Just wanting to be a part of their life
Wanting to be in their thoughts a fraction of how much they are in yours
But they don’t give you the time of day

My existence bothers me

What was that?
We’re exchanging faraway glances again
What does that mean?
What do you think when you intentionally look my way?
What do you think when you intentionally look at me?

Who am I kidding
I can’t believe I almost had myself convinced
You only mess with me because you can’t have her

Love turned out to be more important than I wanted it to
It’s also too painful to bear when it’s unrequited

What I want more than anything is to be yours
For you to tell me you love me regularly
But all my relationships end
I can’t stay friends with an ex
You wouldn’t be in my life at all then
So I’ll just suffer wanting you
In this state of limbo where you text me for *** and we occasionally have the long, meaningful conversation
Knowing I can’t ever be yours

You’ve stopped writing about me...
Maybe you’ve finally found the June to your Johnny.

Just the thought of you makes me happy
That happiness quickly fades and turns into violent sadness because I know the thought of me doesn’t induce any emotion in you

I’ll never mean anything to anyone as much as he means to me