Thoughts marinate in my mind becoming tender romanticism.
I should’ve kept that bottle of pills
Do you even care how it affects me?
You never ask.
I always put your feelings first.
They’re more important because they’re more apparent I guess.
I have the same thoughts too.
You know that.
I’d like a drink too
I just need to forget my problems too
The need doesn’t pull me as strongly
Are your poems about me?
Are they about her?
What walls do I have to break through to get to you?
Will you even let me attempt to try?
It hurts so much more knowing I’m being purposefully ignored
My soul has been through enough
You might disintegrate it entirely
I’m dumbfounded by your enigmatic, dual state
I think about you too much
I want you too much
I’m a walking corpse
Your kiss was the only thing that made me feel alive again
Your lips on mine
My hands on the back of your neck
Your hands on my back
My dream becoming reality
We’ve skipped a few steps
Now we’re in limbo
To anyone I want to matter to
It won’t hurt my feelings
I don’t have any left
I feel you miss her.
You say you love me.
It hurts regardless.
You make me feel like I interrupted your probably would be back with her relationship
Our lips fighting greedily for each other
Gasping for oxygen
Going to the last marker
Skipping all the usual in between
Excluding my feelings is odd
I love sharing the time and cramped space with you
I hope you somewhat like me
I just want you to think I’m cool
It’s barely the beginning
I’m already scared about the end
I wonder how badly I’ll hurt myself this time
I can’t feel special just because we’re going through the motions
I want to know what’s in your head
I want to matter that much to you
Your validation feels like what I’ve needed my whole life
Your compliments make us almost seem real
I have to remind myself there is no us
I want someone to notice you’re happy
I want them to point it out to you
And I want you to realize it’s because of me
You have no clue
It’s excruciating to just see you
I need to feel you
I cringe at all the parts of me you saw this weekend
And now I have to go out there,
Pretending I’m okay
That makes it more exciting
I’m going to bed
With you on my lips
Look at me pretending I don’t like you
Seeing you waiting there
My nothingness to you is nothing new to me
I want someone that I want and that wants me back
I can’t imagine you, thinking about me
I can’t imagine me, not thinking about you
The details bother me
I don’t know where your head is at
Tell me something that makes me feel special
You don’t think about me at all
It should hurt more
But it’s what I expected
I don’t want it to hurt anymore
I’m having those thoughts again
I missed you today but I’ll see you tomorrow
I don’t think I’ll tell anyone
I’ll just go
My head and heart are strangers now
I agonize over the few mundane interactions we’ll have today
I want more
My mind is selfishly, unrelentingly strangling my will
I worry about you every night
I’m relieved when I see you in the morning
What are you doing?
How could I ever change your mind?
Please don’t do it
Please don’t go
I have the possibility and opportunity for it
The only thing stopping me is the thought of being next to you
Sharing space and breath
I had two breakdowns
The sight of your smile was the ease for my pain
You say I don’t understand.
Yours and mine, you can’t take.
(A thought that frankly, ****** me off for f•ck’s sake)
Not realizing when your bad thoughts wake,
You’re trying to keep me out, to keep me sound.
But I want to know. To you, my heart is bound.
You’re never there when I need you
You know that
Why don’t you reach out to me?
Please come visit me in my dreams tonight