I want something very direct, very concise
Black and white
You’re all grey
Leaving me in a fog

I am nothing.
Not even enough to be an afterthought

The sameness is suffocating

You’re unlike any person I’ve ever known
Please let me know you fully

I liked you more before I gave you what you wanted

I can’t sleep
It’s you
Yet again
Flooding my already drowning mind

If I stop for a second to think about what you said, my brain instantly goes manic

Can I kiss you again?

I’m a twisted, broken, petrified tree inside
Just waiting for a stiff breeze to knock me over

I have so many questions
I know I’ll never get any answers from you

I wish I could disappear without a trace

It was a mistake
You were a mistake

It’s killing me to be there
Day after day
Would it **** me to leave?

I’m tired of this chapter
It’s killing me
Each day is more suffocating than the last
Can I skip to the end?

It’s so much I don’t even feel anything anymore

Last night marks the second time I’ve dreamt about us kissing
What does it mean?
I thought I wanted someone else
Is my soul not intertwined with his?
I’m terrified to love again
I can’t
Maybe just in dreams...

The Jekyll and Hyde we are at work still shocks me

Especially experiencing the ferocity that your hands race over my body with when we’re alone

I get bits and pieces
And only sometimes
I want the whole thing
All of you
In your entirety

I want to go somewhere
I want to do something
I want to be somebody

Moderately here

I’m only your convenient thing
I’m your afterthought
You call when you’re bored
I race to your beck and call
My heart mistakes the physicality for romance
My head knows it means nothing to you

I am water
One little drop
Unassuming
As an ocean
Deadly

Why do you change your mind?
I fall right back in every time
It’s breaking what little of my heart I have left

Am I stupid for feeling anything for you?
Do you have any feelings?
Do you feel anything for me?

I fix the outside
There’s no hope left for the inside

You chose me
And you keep choosing me
It makes me feel special
I don’t want you to get bored

You’re so far away
You’re not there
Even when you’re right in front of me
You’re unreachable

I can’t imagine you saying you want me
But there’s nothing more I want in this world

I caress the bottle
My most precious possession
My way out

It’s finally the weekend
No more pretending
I can just sit and be miserable and alone in peace

Was it a mistake?

It doesn’t feel good pretending you’re not my boyfriend
It doesn’t feel good pretending I don’t care

My hands are lonely
They will only ever hold each other

No one is ever going to care as much as I do,
And I hate myself for that

I’m now so far in...
Our kiss was a flame to gas

You can’t be everything to everybody
To some people, you’re nothing

I long to be close to you
A feeling that will never be reciprocated

I can only be myself when I’m alone
Why does no other human want to see the real me?

Making myself miserable
My own closely guarded secret
Anything for you
Make it better by making me feel worse

I was unnerved at how abrupt your truth was

I am all of the clearance
Unwanted and undesired
By you

Thinking about you is so painful
I’d rather just die

I had so much resolve to completely avoid you today
The instant you said something to me it instantly disintegrated

At least I’m getting something
I know it’s actually nothing

Dried tears on my face
Again

I wish you would hold me
I wish you got butterflies when you saw me
I wish I could tell someone
...about you

The transparency I can see your intentions with has no meaning to me
What am I doing to myself?

We’re two different people
What did you want with me in the first place?

You changed entirely from last Thursday
And I don’t know why
Maybe it’s for the best
A kiss from me is a harbinger of death

I’m so used to torturing myself, I don’t know how to live otherwise