My mind is selfishly, unrelentingly strangling my will

I don’t need anyone
I just want you

You’re hurting me
And you don’t care
Because you don’t know
I’m hurting me by not telling you

I’d like to think I’m special
Something tells me I’m not

Why do I choose to torture myself?
Why do I try to convince myself you’re any good for me in any way?

How do you make me feel better and worse at the same time?

What walls do I have to break through to get to you?
Will you even let me attempt to try?

It’s okay, I wouldn’t want to hang out with me either

I need a sign
Beyond any shadow of a doubt

Two days ago everything was so different
Now I’m dreading seeing you at work again

Your validation feels like what I’ve needed my whole life

Every guy sees my soul
Every guy...except for you

An overwhelming feeling to leave
Sixteen minutes in
If this feeling persists
Another **** to my collection
Smaller than yours but,
Still more in addition.
Reading your poems about her,
I’m erased.
Will I ever tell you how diminished they make me feel.
You have to know I read them.
Suicide. Self inflicted.
Today, I’ll win an Oscar.

Who is she?
What’s her name?
What was she like?
Did she always say the right thing?
Why do you still love her?
Why can’t you love me?

Wide awake with worry

I want to know what’s in your head
I want to matter that much to you

Please come visit me in my dreams tonight

Your genuine conversation sends a wave of happiness that crests higher than heaven

Your mind is a minefield
I tiptoe around the danger

I miss having someone to make plans with
I miss having a date to look forward to
I miss the routine of a relationship
I don’t miss the raw agony they always end in

It’s excruciating to just see you
I need to feel you

My soul has been through enough
You might disintegrate it entirely

I’m not what you want
It hurts
Especially when I know I’m what other guys want
But I just want you

Everyone keeps acting like it’s not a big deal
Like I’m just having a bad day
They don’t realize the thing in my head isn’t like a monster under my bed
It’s a relentless killer

Should I stop being so negative about you not liking me?
I don’t even know if you do or don’t
I’ve never asked
I’m too afraid of your answer
Maybe if I let in some positive hope something magical would happen

I want someone to notice you’re happy
I want them to point it out to you
And I want you to realize it’s because of me

We’ve skipped a few steps
Now we’re in limbo

I wonder about what broke you
I know a piece of it lies in our pasts that are awfully intertwined
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
I should have told you
If I could go back,
I’d tell you in a heartbeat
You make my heart beat
You make my heart race

Why are you all I can ever think about?

It won’t hurt my feelings
I don’t have any left

The loneliness is killing me but,
Why do I prefer to be alone?

You don’t think about me at all
It should hurt more
But it’s what I expected

Who else do you talk to?
Are you making an emotional connection with them?

You’re getting too close to me
I’ll only disappoint
That’s what you told me.
What does that even mean?
I can’t change my feelings for you
but,
I can’t force you to have any feelings for me.
I’m disappointed I can’t just be who you want enough for you to even want to try.

I get your rotten, maggot filled scraps
I settle for them
Because they’re yours

People hit their quota of sadness
I just have to pretend to be okay

The thought of you a few towns over, thinking about me,
It’s almost too much for me to take in
What do you want from me?

Don’t accuse me of not mourning our relationship by not crying.
You eviscerated my heart.
Love and fear will be forever vying.
Between her legs you faltered.
You left me to self partner.

It hurts so much more knowing I’m being purposefully ignored

Without planning or words, you crossed the threshold
I, closed my eyes and surrendered to your kiss
An explosion of bliss

Why keep pretending I could be a fraction of anyone you’d actually want
We should just end whatever this thing we’re doing is

I’m going to bed
With you on my lips

Can no one see the sadness in my eyes?
Am I just that good at masking it?
Or do they just not care?

My head and heart are strangers now

I’m a displaced box
Mislabeled
Contents read: okay
In reality they’re: fragile
Must handle with care

All we do now is write poetry about each other.
I wonder how you would feel if you knew that all I can focus on, is our past.

I can’t let you control me
I’m halfway pretending it didn’t happen
Any of it

The pain is more than a frequent visitor now
It’s a permanent tenant

The wondering is killing me
Should I tell you how I feel?
Regardless of how I know you feel
Would knowing you don’t like me hurt?

I want nothing more than to see you
but...
Seeing you is getting harder and harder to bear