I have the possibility and opportunity for it
The only thing stopping me is the thought of being next to you
Sharing space and breath

When I’m with you
When we’re together
When your hands are on me
I have to pretend I’m not addicted to your touch
I have to pretend I don’t miss it every day

My memories of you, of us
Make my heart race

It happened again today
In the afternoon
Our long conversation
You, leaning in to kiss me
Me, instantly forgetting every depressive thought
Us, just for a moment in time

Why don’t you like me?
What’s wrong with me?

I don’t think I’ll tell anyone
I’ll just go
Peacefully

What I want more than anything is to be yours
For you to tell me you love me regularly
But all my relationships end
I can’t stay friends with an ex
You wouldn’t be in my life at all then
So I’ll just suffer wanting you
In this state of limbo where you text me for *** and we occasionally have the long, meaningful conversation
Knowing I can’t ever be yours

Last night I kissed you
The only place it could ever happen
In a dream

Subconsciously locking my feelings away again
Trying to accept that I’m nothing to you
I don’t want to get hurt
I can’t get hurt
I know I won’t survive a next time

My existence bothers me

Where is your mind?
Did I cross it today?

I just want to be what you need
Who you want
In every way

It ***** liking someone so much
Wanting someone so much
Just wanting to be a part of their life
Wanting to be in their thoughts a fraction of how much they are in yours
But they don’t give you the time of day

I guess it’s sad
It still hurts to know that you just see my messages and ignore them
Ignore me
What did I do wrong?
Why don’t you even remotely like me?

We’re under the same sky
We work under the same roof
I wish you’d want me around more

I cringe at all the parts of me you saw this weekend

What was that?
We’re exchanging faraway glances again
What does that mean?
What do you think when you intentionally look my way?
What do you think when you intentionally look at me?

The details bother me
I don’t know where your head is at
Tell me something that makes me feel special

The harder I smile
The more I break

No matter how much I try
Nothing changes

Your compliments make us almost seem real
I have to remind myself there is no us

Your heart is somewhere else
I have to get mine to understand that

Nobody knows
That makes it more exciting

It hurts when your heart is breaking but still keeps beating
And just the sight of him makes it pound so loudly you think you can hear it and surely he can see it beating across the table
This life is tortuous

I worry about you every night
I’m relieved when I see you in the morning

That one kiss
I knew I shouldn’t have done it
But you were right there
Underneath me
I was selfish
I couldn’t help myself
I felt my feelings transfer in that moment
They bubbled over and spilled from my heart to my lips
And you felt it

I wish I were different

I had two breakdowns
The sight of your smile was the ease for my pain

I’m hurting
You know that
Why don’t you reach out to me?

I spend all day trying to distract myself with other thoughts
Thoughts that aren’t you
Thoughts that aren’t about wanting to die

I don’t want it to hurt anymore
I’m having those thoughts again

You’re never there when I need you

Our lips fighting greedily for each other
Gasping for oxygen
Set ablaze

I’m microdosing
You’re lethal
You have no clue

I don’t bother you about it because it seems to be the last thing on your mind
I, seem to be the last thing on your mind

That’s the only way it could ever happen-
A dream or a movie
Either way, not in this life or any other

I’ve never seen inconsolability until today

Guys think I’m special
The one guy that I think is the most special doesn’t even think about me

You make me feel like everything I ever say is wrong

Nothing means anything
To
You

I’m a walking corpse
Your kiss was the only thing that made me feel alive again

I think about you too much
I want you too much

My life is pathetic and meaningless

Coming to the realization that no matter what I do or how I act or how I look or what I say
You won’t even remotely like me
Is
Gut wrenching
Earth shattering
Heartbreaking ...to say the least
I can’t make you like me
I’m not for you
No matter how badly I want to be

I wonder how badly I’ll hurt myself this time
I can’t feel special just because we’re going through the motions

I agonize over the few mundane interactions we’ll have today
I want more

My desperate need to please makes me substantially unstable

I’m scared
What are you doing?
How could I ever change your mind?
Please don’t do it
Please don’t go

I wish I were different
Better
Perfect-only through your eyes

My mind is selfishly, unrelentingly strangling my will