It happened again today
In the afternoon
Our long conversation
You, leaning in to kiss me
Me, instantly forgetting every depressive thought
Us, just for a moment in time

An overwhelming feeling to leave
Sixteen minutes in
If this feeling persists
Another **** to my collection
Smaller than yours but,
Still more in addition.
Reading your poems about her,
I’m erased.
Will I ever tell you how diminished they make me feel.
You have to know I read them.
Suicide. Self inflicted.
Today, I’ll win an Oscar.

I just want to be what you need
Who you want
In every way

I want to say so much to you
Act on my emotions
But
I always lose my nerve
What if you reject me?

You make me hate myself
Why did you hold my hand at the movies?
Why did you even start talking to me if you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me?
You uprooted my simple, blissfully lonely life
I’m mad at you for that
I’m so angry
You made me believe there was an ounce of hope for something more when you knew you didn’t have any feelings for me
Now you’re all I can ever think about
And you still couldn’t care less about me

What I want more than anything is to be yours
For you to tell me you love me regularly
But all my relationships end
I can’t stay friends with an ex
You wouldn’t be in my life at all then
So I’ll just suffer wanting you
In this state of limbo where you text me for *** and we occasionally have the long, meaningful conversation
Knowing I can’t ever be yours

Your compliments make us almost seem real
I have to remind myself there is no us

Just the thought of you makes me happy
That happiness quickly fades and turns into violent sadness because I know the thought of me doesn’t induce any emotion in you

It ***** liking someone so much
Wanting someone so much
Just wanting to be a part of their life
Wanting to be in their thoughts a fraction of how much they are in yours
But they don’t give you the time of day

My memories of you, of us
Make my heart race

Why don’t you like me?
What’s wrong with me?

My desperate need to please makes me substantially unstable

The details bother me
I don’t know where your head is at
Tell me something that makes me feel special

I wish I were different
Better
Perfect-only through your eyes

Love turned out to be more important than I wanted it to
It’s also too painful to bear when it’s unrequited

That one kiss
I knew I shouldn’t have done it
But you were right there
Underneath me
I was selfish
I couldn’t help myself
I felt my feelings transfer in that moment
They bubbled over and spilled from my heart to my lips
And you felt it

Where is your mind?
Did I cross it today?

Guys think I’m special
The one guy that I think is the most special doesn’t even think about me

I couldn’t save you.
That destroyed us.

I cringe at all the parts of me you saw this weekend

What was that?
We’re exchanging faraway glances again
What does that mean?
What do you think when you intentionally look my way?
What do you think when you intentionally look at me?

I’m hurting
You know that
Why don’t you reach out to me?

Can no one see the sadness in my eyes?
Am I just that good at masking it?
Or do they just not care?

We’re under the same sky
We work under the same roof
I wish you’d want me around more

All we do now is write poetry about each other.
I wonder how you would feel if you knew that all I can focus on, is our past.

Our lips fighting greedily for each other
Gasping for oxygen
Set ablaze

Your lips on mine
My hands on the back of your neck
Your hands on my back
My dream becoming reality

I’ve never seen inconsolability until today

No matter how much I try
Nothing changes

Don’t accuse me of not mourning our relationship by not crying.
You eviscerated my heart.
Love and fear will be forever vying.
Between her legs you faltered.
You left me to self partner.

I had two breakdowns
The sight of your smile was the ease for my pain

I’m scared
What are you doing?
How could I ever change your mind?
Please don’t do it
Please don’t go

I worry about you every night
I’m relieved when I see you in the morning

Your mind is a minefield
I tiptoe around the danger

I’m struggling
But I can’t tell anyone.

It hurts when your heart is breaking but still keeps beating
And just the sight of him makes it pound so loudly you think you can hear it and surely he can see it beating across the table
This life is tortuous

I wonder how badly I’ll hurt myself this time
I can’t feel special just because we’re going through the motions

You’re never there when I need you

My existence bothers me

Life is too extreme for my delicate, tender sensibilities

You noticed my piercings
I, noticed you

I wish I were different

I think about you too much
I want you too much

I have the possibility and opportunity for it
The only thing stopping me is the thought of being next to you
Sharing space and breath

My mind is selfishly, unrelentingly strangling my will

I don’t need anyone
I just want you

You’re taking up too much space in my mind
I know I’m not occupying any in yours
I have to delete you

Nobody knows
That makes it more exciting

My life is pathetic and meaningless

How do you make me feel better and worse at the same time?