Maybe in a few years the fog will clear and I’ll be able to understand what we were doing now
To read the words I’ve wondered about was beyond anything
Yes you physically is beyond amazing
But, for you to tell me that you’re thinking about me
To occupy any space in your mind is extraordinary
I know I have so much to give
And absolutely no one to give it to
Nobody wants a thing from me, that’s what makes it hurt so much
I pick myself apart from the inside out
I want to say so much to you
Act on my emotions
I always lose my nerve
What if you reject me?
I just want to be what you need
Who you want
In every way
I’ll never mean anything to anyone as much as he means to me
Just the thought of you makes me happy
That happiness quickly fades and turns into violent sadness because I know the thought of me doesn’t induce any emotion in you
What I want more than anything is to be yours
For you to tell me you love me regularly
But all my relationships end
I can’t stay friends with an ex
You wouldn’t be in my life at all then
So I’ll just suffer wanting you
In this state of limbo where you text me for *** and we occasionally have the long, meaningful conversation
Knowing I can’t ever be yours
Love turned out to be more important than I wanted it to
It’s also too painful to bear when it’s unrequited
Who am I kidding
I can’t believe I almost had myself convinced
You only mess with me because you can’t have her
What was that?
We’re exchanging faraway glances again
What does that mean?
What do you think when you intentionally look my way?
What do you think when you intentionally look at me?
It ***** liking someone so much
Wanting someone so much
Just wanting to be a part of their life
Wanting to be in their thoughts a fraction of how much they are in yours
But they don’t give you the time of day
It hurts when your heart is breaking but still keeps beating
And just the sight of him makes it pound so loudly you think you can hear it and surely he can see it beating across the table
This life is tortuous
Where is your mind?
Did I cross it today?
That’s the only way it could ever happen-
A dream or a movie
Either way, not in this life or any other
Why am I even considering getting two movie tickets
Why on earth would you even go with me?
I wouldn’t even know how to begin to ask you anyways
It’s okay, I wouldn’t want to hang out with me either
No matter how much I try
That one kiss
I knew I shouldn’t have done it
But you were right there
I was selfish
I couldn’t help myself
I felt my feelings transfer in that moment
They bubbled over and spilled from my heart to my lips
And you felt it
How do you make me feel better and worse at the same time?
I don’t bother you about it because it seems to be the last thing on your mind
I, seem to be the last thing on your mind
Nothing means anything
I spend all day trying to distract myself with other thoughts
Thoughts that aren’t you
Thoughts that aren’t about wanting to die
I guess it’s sad
It still hurts to know that you just see my messages and ignore them
What did I do wrong?
Why don’t you even remotely like me?
Subconsciously locking my feelings away again
Trying to accept that I’m nothing to you
I don’t want to get hurt
I can’t get hurt
I know I won’t survive a next time
You’re getting too close to me
I’ll only disappoint
That’s what you told me.
What does that even mean?
I can’t change my feelings for you
I can’t force you to have any feelings for me.
I’m disappointed I can’t just be who you want enough for you to even want to try.
I don’t need anyone
I just want you
I wish I were different
Perfect-only through your eyes
My life is pathetic and meaningless
Who is she?
What’s her name?
What was she like?
Did she always say the right thing?
Why do you still love her?
Why can’t you love me?
Every guy sees my soul
Every guy...except for you
I look at myself all the time
Trying to find whatever it is people see in me
I get a fraction of a ghost of you
I feel so stupid that I feel so bad because of you
I’m just a body to you
Warm holes to be used
Only when you see fit
Why don’t you like me?
What’s wrong with me?
You make me hate myself
Why did you hold my hand at the movies?
Why did you even start talking to me if you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me?
You uprooted my simple, blissfully lonely life
I’m mad at you for that
I’m so angry
You made me believe there was an ounce of hope for something more when you knew you didn’t have any feelings for me
Now you’re all I can ever think about
And you still couldn’t care less about me
I want to be your favorite
We’re under the same sky
We work under the same roof
I wish you’d want me around more
It happened again today
In the afternoon
Our long conversation
You, leaning in to kiss me
Me, instantly forgetting every depressive thought
Us, just for a moment in time
I need a sign
Beyond any shadow of a doubt
Guys think I’m special
The one guy that I think is the most special doesn’t even think about me
Coming to the realization that no matter what I do or how I act or how I look or what I say
You won’t even remotely like me
Heartbreaking ...to say the least
I can’t make you like me
I’m not for you
No matter how badly I want to be
Your heart is somewhere else
I have to get mine to understand that
Everything I’ve ever written about you
My memories of you, of us
Make my heart race