I miss having someone to make plans with
I miss having a date to look forward to
I miss the routine of a relationship
I don’t miss the raw agony they always end in

Why keep pretending I could be a fraction of anyone you’d actually want
We should just end whatever this thing we’re doing is

I wish I could disappear without a trace

Should I stop being so negative about you not liking me?
I don’t even know if you do or don’t
I’ve never asked
I’m too afraid of your answer
Maybe if I let in some positive hope something magical would happen

I’m not what you want
It hurts
Especially when I know I’m what other guys want
But I just want you

I’m 25
Never danced with a guy
All I want in this fast world, is a slow dance
With you

Who else do you talk to?
Are you making an emotional connection with them?

I had so much resolve to completely avoid you today
The instant you said something to me it instantly disintegrated

My feelings will always be unrequited
My heart quietly breaks because of you
Longing to be yours
It’s fine

Your mind is a minefield
I tiptoe around the danger

Where we can kiss
Where our hands race up and down each other’s bodies
Under the cover of night
Our darkest corner of the earth
Brings out our best light

Fate
Destiny
Luck
What brought us together after 7 years?

Instant fear
Panic
You won’t want anything to do with me after you see her
It’s not fair
I’ll be discarded

Why are you all I can ever think about?

Am I stupid for feeling anything for you?
Do you have any feelings?
Do you feel anything for me?

The wondering is killing me
Should I tell you how I feel?
Regardless of how I know you feel
Would knowing you don’t like me hurt?

You’re hurting me
And you don’t care
Because you don’t know
I’m hurting me by not telling you

You make me feel like everything I ever say is wrong

Every night I see you I wish it would never end

Your unique rhythm
Took me four months to decipher it
I could listen to it for an eternity

Your condition
Darkness for a month
Only letting in the smallest beam of light for a few days
I’ll wait a lifetime for your light

Without planning or words, you crossed the threshold
I, closed my eyes and surrendered to your kiss
An explosion of bliss

You.
Me.
Us.
My fervent secret
I love it

I’d like to think I’m special
Something tells me I’m not

You
Dismissive
Me
Free falling in limbo

Two days ago everything was so different
Now I’m dreading seeing you at work again

Things never happen how you want them to but they always happen how they’re supposed to

Your genuine conversation sends a wave of happiness that crests higher than heaven

I’m sure I’ll get tired of being used
Eventually
... never by you though

Saying your name...
A forbidden breath escaping my lips

I give up.
I tell myself for the millionth time

I get your rotten, maggot filled scraps
I settle for them
Because they’re yours

No answers
No reasons
No resolve
Just
Nothing

When I’m with you
When we’re together
When your hands are on me
I have to pretend I’m not addicted to your touch
I have to pretend I don’t miss it every day

I wonder about what broke you
I know a piece of it lies in our pasts that are awfully intertwined
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
I should have told you
If I could go back,
I’d tell you in a heartbeat
You make my heart beat
You make my heart race

Why do I choose to torture myself?
Why do I try to convince myself you’re any good for me in any way?

I want nothing more than to see you
but...
Seeing you is getting harder and harder to bear

Thinking about you is so painful
I’d rather just die

It’s killing me to be there
Day after day
Would it **** me to leave?

It’s too much
It was all entirely too much

Your silence. . .
My answer.

I am nothing.
Not even enough to be an afterthought

It’s hard getting you in such small doses
I’d almost rather not enjoy you at all

It doesn’t feel good pretending you’re not my boyfriend
It doesn’t feel good pretending I don’t care

I miss who I thought you were
I miss who I made you out to be in my head

I split up the actual story between two friends
One gets the feelings
One gets the why

You can’t be everything to everybody
To some people, you’re nothing

Yes, I know
It’s happening again
The familiar feeling of locking my heart away another level deeper
The absence of the familiar pain startles me
I know I’ll feel it all later
Compounded

It was a mistake
You were a mistake

I feel relieved that you proved me right