I see pain and discomfort shunned
From all beings breathing far from the sun
Yet, I’ve questioned if it was all right
Even though the sages have aged
The wise still rains truth
From storms of dust and pebbles
From lives full of peace and suffering
Having tasted it all to know that
   If you drink the honey first
   All else pales in comparison
   And the bitter ever more unbearable
   And if you bear the bitter before the sweet
   All the more pleasant the world will be

   You’ll never miss the near, but ever the far faraway
   Long for the berries and peaches that only visited
   Once a year
   Long for the meals that saved you from constant hunger
   Though only if you have starved and felt the ennui of
   Easy fulfillment till gluttony

And then, I have met
A different kind of suffering, like a spectre
Looming above the land of the cloudless
Looming above us, the youth of peace
Where all labor towards momentary fulfillment
Way too brief compared to the prospect
Of an eternity as ash and dust
Life of unbearable levity
In a world that has lost its true gravity
In a world where nothing lasts more than a
Few wrathful moments

Even with faith for the faithful
Who wants to live half of their life
Dancing with death
Only to live each day afterwards
As another life gained

At the same time
Who wants to live all their time
Chasing a dream ever in the distant
Only to one day wake up from the mirage
Pondering the purpose of the distance
Walked

Alas,
I can only wish that
When you close your eyes
You may not despair in the brief
Darkness
But rejoice in the ensuing wonder of
An eternal dream
So brilliant near the
Sun

There, things last
Not pain, in a land
Impossible to lose
But, unfathomable peace
Without ennui.

How does one ask for peace
When prosperity never led to longevity
How can the world end all hunger
And not fall to gross gluttony

I see the elders
Beaten, starved, survived
Cherishing the joy of a softer life

I see the younger
Fallen to the levity
Of a life without much gravity
Overlooked for a lack of experience

You can't fault anyone seeking
Refuge from pain
Yet, there will be no end to hurting
Until you've borne enough for calluses

T'is the circle of life
Always seeking to end the blemishes of life
Yet
Always longing for hunger when full
Always missing to ache when numb

Though
There's always hope for the hopeful
Some hope for AN END, A VOID
To the endless cycle
To everything
Others hope for something different
If the truth is ever unknown till experienced
And hope is hope
Why not hope for the unfathomable
Where suffering is not prerequisite to joy
It is not banished or outlawed
It simply does not exist
Nor can it even be pronounced,
Along with DEATH
And TIME

Unlike BLISS,
And the liberty of pure existence
With absolute free will

Endure the momentary
For the everlasting reward
When you close your eyes
You can believe in the darkness
Or await the wonder of an eternal dream

Never chase the poisonous perfection
That always takes more than it gives
Never rid of all the shadows of sin
And be found by the wrath of guilt
Love, always your wrinkles and scars
And that fearless imperfect smile
For I always will
I always will.

You've always had love of the sun in your eyes
Now that you've hid them, I can still feel
Every sorrow of every atom
Entangled with my soul

When I was at the ripe age of dreams
Not yet wise enough to question its reality
I wished for a bird, and one flew to me
Thirsty and weary, resting on the cage
Of my bedroom window
Sent to teach me how to love
Love a life so precious and zealous
Joyous as the gold of its wings

I had no palace or mansion for her
So she was content to live in a
Crumbling cage
And happily in a cardboard box
She dreamt

Till one day
We decided to surprise it
With a brand new shelter
But a home it was not to be-
When I loved it the most
She left me
Sometimes life is best enjoyed
A little tattered
For perfection, flawless appearance
Hides poison beautiful and unseen-

I thought her home was home with me
But alas, to the everlasting she must leave
Spread its wings beyond the cloud’s seams
She left the new home not made for living
And went back to Him

On sleepless nights,
I fear I have failed Him
For far too long
I only learned to love not so much
And welcomed only hatred and envy

But everything must be what it’s meant to be
For through it all, I danced with everything
Love, joy, fear, envy, guilt, hunger, pain,
And even gluttony

Till I was sent another angel
This time, a red robin
Perhaps, never to bond
Momentarily
But ever to love
Protect, and
Keep.

I

My words do not matter to Him
Just faith, love, and devotion
My words do not matter to me
Just eternal peace without condition

So why do I still write
And for whom to not listen
Constantly fearing inferiority
While aspiring total self-forgetfulness

II

I want to reap what is sown
Plant the seeds here,
But let it bloom yonder
Let me be content
To drink the bitter silence here
And taste the sweetness hereafter

I want to bask in the present sun
See the prospect of glory
But let it not shine for me here
Let me be content
To praise the wisdom of suffering, before
As an ordinary sunflower
And receive the everlasting warmth, beyond
Ever closer to the sun

III

I want the world to love all
As I want to be loved by Him
I want the world to accept itself
As I could never accept myself
With its scars, and flaws, and suffering
With more forgiveness for sinners
Than momentary praises for perfection

I look at the world as a mirror
Fading and scraped bare
By constant cleansing-
A looking glass stained by tears
And broken by hairline fractures
Will not distort the beauty of the
Seeker of obscured truth

But, a non-existent flawless mirror
Where the onlooker refuse to look
Will show nothing of merit
Truth, lies, or otherwise

IV


O world, be not like me
The bard afraid of words
If you keep them to yourselves
Then Hear the silence reign

O world, be not like me
A sinner afraid of imperfections
If you pluck all petals with flaws
Then See a world full of stalks

O world, be not like me
The glutton with thin skin
If you don’t build up your calluses
How unbearably will it twinge

V

Now heed my plea

The lambs might have autonomy
But what wonder might lie beyond
The glen
What happens,
When in perfect harmony
The uncut wool smothers the sheep
And doom looms
When green turns to earth
Grazed
Till it waned.

VI

Soon, if I were to be chased
By the clouds of self or man
I will put my faith in the sun
I will lay bare my soul in the sun

For its Warmth,
    Calms the chilling winds of change
    All shadows conquered at dawn
    And at dusk
It yet guides,
    Lending light to the crescent moon
    Even at its bleakest a soothing sight
    And at its brightest
A mother’s love in the summer days
A father’s forgiveness in the winter nights

VII

Fear not the petty scorn and envy of men
Cried I, the pettiest, most scornful, and envious
Of them all
Shame me not, for we are all lost
Let us find together,
The road timelessly traveled
Built for the mass, found by the few
Righteous, yet perilous
Rugged and overgrown
Darkened by the Sun
To give to it to reach the summit
Flesh and soul
Strength and breath
One day aching joyously
Having reached the height
To see the hidden valley of delight
Where we will finally
Ache
Nevermore

Why hath man no capacity for peace
The stillwater of quiet ennui
Wasting away under the calm wind
Dreaming of unrest
Wishing for a storm under a clear sky
Full of stars

Why hath man so much capacity for suffering
Except when faced with the thought of it
Then it’s a gluttony of sweetness until
A renewed longing for hunger
Unexpressed for fear of
Absurdity

A garden is built, with constant amends
Chasing a never-changing perfection
Till no flower is to be touched
By thieves, children, bees, all likewise
Till it all withers away
To ash and dust
Truly, a visage of all the same
Grey, and indifferent to the sun

A ruin now a sight of comforting pleasure
Its ruddy rust a wizened smile of experience
Its scars now revered by flesh and soul
By winds, children, moss, and ivy, all likewise
The stones that still stand when all else fall
Will always be more loved than unharmed edifice

So
Why do we still fear any fall
That when it rises
Will have the momentum to rise
Above itself,
And perhaps even above all.

Do you pity or envy a world
That has cut off its calluses
Do you love or fear a world
So gentle against the wind
That a ***** would bleed
That a pinch would twinge

I pity and fear it,

Thus:

Here I am, hiding
In a boat of poetry
In the strait of obscurity
Between two oceans of fear

Between
The old world of joyous suffering
And
The new world of unbearable peace

Trying to marry the water of lively green
And the deadly blue

As I tie the old waves to the new
I set aflight an echo through the wind-
In the shape of a dove, a clarion call:

"Don't renounce your past
But accept it with pride,
Lest you be judged for what you have done,
And never
What you could, would, and will do!"