One lie
One harsh lie
One to drive apart
A friendship from months ago
A love only barely cultivating
Barely more than a month old

A liar
Her betrayal scarred
Scarred a friend
And their honor

She lied and tried to take him down
He told the truth and was called a liar
Now he is alone there
He is secluded from them

Her betrayal slashed across him
A **** appeared
One so deep
He needs a new heart

His walls were brought down by her
He trusted her
He trusted her with everything
And she took that and burned it
Threw it into the mud
Soiled the purity and innocence he had with her
Every moment of joy he felt with her
Gone in a second

But he never broke down in front of her
They would never see him shatter
And collapse from her
Not ever
He instead turned to friends
Asked for help and got some
But he turned to himself

A razors' edge on his body
Red trails followed it
Slowly he watched the red as it fell
Splashed across the floor and left even more red paint
He simply stared at the puddles
The sting was nothing more than a numb throb
He couldn't let them see him like this
Breaking down and bleeding

He hid himself
Didn't let anyone see
His collapse and descent
From calm and cool and collected
To broken and shattered and crumbled

He didn't want anyone to see this
So he wrote this

One
Stunning smile
Shining as bright as New York City
On New Year's Eve

Two
Gorgeous eyes
Blue as soft sapphires
Under a running creek

One
strong and alluring heart
full of hope and strength
Beating as loud as a drum
In an orchestra

She denies her beauty
No matter how much we say it's the truth
Her special other and I
We never want to hurt her

She loves him
He loves her
I love her
But, I can't have her

Perhaps that is my fate
Perhaps it is my fallacy
But all I know is that
I am jealous

I know it’s my fault.
All of it.
My grades.
My failed friendships.
All of them are because of me.
I can’t keep up this facade of happy and cheery guy,
who is always ready for the day,
and has recovered from anything instantly.
I should’ve kept my mouth shut though.
Am I really being petty?
He thinks I am.
I don’t know how she feels.

She probably hates me.
I lied to her.
Again.
I said I wouldn’t leave her, no matter what, unless she asked me to.
But, I left her.
Because I was jealous and petty.
And, now, I can’t even stand to see myself.
I deserve every bit of pain I feel.
All of it is a small amount of the punishment,
I deserve for lying to her.

Every scar is a memory of a punishment I deserved.
But, you know why I left her?
Because I wanted my family to be proud of me again.
But, you know what happened?
I was attacked by my sister.
She bit and scratched me.
I showed Sam, and she didn’t find it important.
So, I couldn’t bear feeling this irrelevance.
I knew I was irrelevant.
I was useless.
I was there as a pack mule,
or a punching bag,
or a way to take out your rage.

But, I couldn’t stand it.
She had said she loved me.
Then, she took it all back.
Then, she said she loved me again.
She trusted me with so much ****, and I trusted her right back.
Now, I regret every word of pain I said to her.
I wish I could take it back, but I know I can’t.
All I want to tell her, ‘I’m sorry.’
That is it.
Nothing more.
Just that I am sorry.
I know she probably will never forgive me, but it’s worth a try.
So, to her, I am useless and irrelevant.
Like an old car model.
Outdated, and driven out.

I loved her.
I could never tell if she loved me or not.
She loved me one minute, then didn’t the next.
And, out of the blue, ‘I love you’ again.
Everyday, a new story coming from her mouth.
I was done.
I am done.
She is happy with him.
Let them be, I say to myself.

But,
How can you let someone you love go?

I thought she was helping
But when I looked into it
She was taking help
But never returning it

I'd been warned
I hadn't listened
I didn't want to believe them
I wanted to love her

She was so perfect
She had so much beauty
Both inside and out
And I trusted her
But I soon realized that
She didn't want to give help
Only take it

Instead of love or help
She gave grief and pain
She only made it worse
I tried my best to be with her
She stayed with the same guys
Passing me by every day

She kept me loyal
Small gifts here and there
I tried to pass them off
But her smile was too powerful for me

It pulled me in
Wouldn't let go
I didn't want it to
She made me feel warm
And happy
And giddy
And complete again

Now, I only have one way
Back up
I plan to go up
With someone else

But what if that all changes?
What if I am left behind?
What if I am obsolete now?
What if my personality has no match?

I just have to let go of her
And just move on now

The day I saw her
I had little interest in love
First day of school
I stood away from the crowds

Everyone knew someone
I knew no one
My only interest was drill

Then, we got into teams
Drill, Raiders, Color Guard
Her and I
We both chose drill

She sat with her closest friend
I watched her because she'd piqued my interest
Her dark hair, a deep brown
Her eyes, a soft sky blue
Her smile, absolutely stunning

It was a month before we even exchanged a word to each other
All she said, 'Hi.'
Shyly, I replied, 'Hello.'

What came from her next surprised me,
'You're my best friend.'

And, already, she'd captivated me
With only four words
Her confidence resonated

Already, she had me wrapped around her finger
Now, it was a matter of tugging
I tried to hold up my wall
I couldn't fall for someone else
Not again

I'd been hurt
Why would she be different?

But, I was wrong
She pulled me from the solitary walls I'd built
She made me feel more than resentment
More than anger, or sorrow, or temporary happiness

Everyday, she was there, I was so happy
I was overjoyed
So beaming everyday I could see her again

She had the most beautiful laugh
The most amazing smile
And, the most magnificent body
The best I'd seen in a long time

I'd fallen for her
I thought I was acting out of lust
But, I found myself trying to help her
And be with her as often as possible
And, then, I realized...

I'd fallen in love

Have you ever seen
Death
Right before your eyes?

Taking someone
You care about
Right before your eyes?

I have
I've stared Death right in the eyes
I watched him take her from me

After she was taken
I couldn't watch him be taken too
I couldn't look at death again
I'd go crazy
Staring into the voids of eyes
That it weilded

Nothing but darkness
And abyss
Nothing but
Death
And
Destruction

I could feel fire within its very soul
It burned and consumed all it saw
Nothing was safe from it

You couldn't run
Only wait for it to close in
Only wait for it to stab its scythe through you

No one knows it
None of my friends
I was emotionless that day
I'm scared of what they'll say
Will I be a freak?
Will I be a pariah?
I can't tell them

They would call me
A freak
A demon
A sociopath

Maybe that is what I am
I hope not
I hope I have emotions
And not just faked feelings

I hope I have emotions
But all I could do is watch
And wait
And not feel