Have you ever seen
Death
Right before your eyes?

Taking someone
You care about
Right before your eyes?

I have
I've stared Death right in the eyes
I watched him take her from me

After she was taken
I couldn't watch him be taken too
I couldn't look at death again
I'd go crazy
Staring into the voids of eyes
That it weilded

Nothing but darkness
And abyss
Nothing but
Death
And
Destruction

I could feel fire within its very soul
It burned and consumed all it saw
Nothing was safe from it

You couldn't run
Only wait for it to close in
Only wait for it to stab its scythe through you

No one knows it
None of my friends
I was emotionless that day
I'm scared of what they'll say
Will I be a freak?
Will I be a pariah?
I can't tell them

They would call me
A freak
A demon
A sociopath

Maybe that is what I am
I hope not
I hope I have emotions
And not just faked feelings

I hope I have emotions
But all I could do is watch
And wait
And not feel

Hello.
I am sorry.
Sorry I left.
Sorry I caused pain.
If I did at all.
Sorry I wasn’t worth it.
Sorry I couldn’t help.
Or be worth anything.

I really don’t know.
I love her.
She says the same.
But, turns and says,
I don’t like you.

It hurts.
A pain so sharp.
That not even a knife tearing into me,
Could surpass the pain.

I shouldn’t care.
I was so careful.
I shut everyone else out.
But, she opened my gates.
And, entered my heart.
Then, she tore it apart, slowly.
I used to be strong.
Now, I am nothing.
Only a weak husk of my former self.

I love her.
I really do.
I honestly don’t know how to feel.
Not now.
Not anymore.
Can I trust her?
Can I care for her?
Without being scolded
For being too clingy
Or annoying.

I want to be with her.
I want to care for her.
I want to help her.
I want to be there for her.
At least
I want to be by her side.
Even as a friend.

However,
I fear that
I may have ended
Any chance of that.

Now
I have no guide.
My compass is broken.
Such is my heart.
Shattered and spread out.
Will it ever be fixed?
I don’t know.
I wish I did.
But,
I don’t.

I hope
It can be fixed.
One day.
By one person.

Tomorrow
A bright future
One untouched
By my hands
By my destruction

A future I can shape
One I can shape
But not without help
I cannot shape it
Without someone

Someone I can trust
I only trust so many
And I feel that list shortening
Everyday that I hurt them
Or are hurt by them

Tomorrow is a day without mistakes
A day I can call my own
A day I can say I am ready
A day I can go and be friendly
To those I trust and am trusted by

I want to be able to help
And be able to be helped
I don't want to hurt
Nor do I want to be hurt
For a betrayal is the greatest pain of them all

I once asked myself
Would I like to live
in a crafted life

Or live
in a world
I can shape

Or just
take it all
away from me
and sleep

I am here
And I am ready to take on tomorrow
Every day
I can see them and, her,
is the best day of my life
Tomorrow is the best day of my life

A strong pillar
of love and care
All comes crumbling down
when left unattended

Just like a pillar
A person in love
needs to know they have love back
Or else they collapse

I can attest
that when you love
and they don't love you back
it's like someone took a scalpel
and cut your heartstrings
and left you to bleed out

Or it feels like you've been arrested
Serving time for a crime you haven't done
A circumstance that you cannot control
Like you are locked behind bars
and the person you fell for is on the other side
Swinging the keys in their hands
Tempting and teasing you and leading you on

Only so many lovers keep it together
And so many relations are lost to the never ending abyss
of despair, pain, and jealousy
I can attest

I tried to save her
But I never thought about
How hard I pushed
And now
She holds disgust for me

She cares for herself
She wants friends to help
I can help her
But only so much
Or she hates me

I wish I could do more
Be more to her
Help her more
Be with her more
But it's too late for me
It's too late for us

It's done and over with
I guess I tried
And that's all that matters
Right?

Let's hope
One day
This'll recover and
I can be with her

One day
Let's hope

Love
Hate
Honesty
Deceit

All of these
poured into a relationship
All of these
hurt and ease the pain

We all want one thing
To be desired and cared for
To be loved and to love back
But sometimes
We cannot

Sometimes
We feel a pain
One so hard
that we never recover

Whether it be via betrayal
Or via pure honesty
Or via hatred for the other
Or maybe the love you feel drives them away

You may never know
But perhaps
You were never meant to
Perhaps we are tortured with these feelings for a reason

Be it to be hurt and tortured
or to be loved and desired
We will never know
So we push on now and wall ourselves
To protect ourselves
And not feel the pain