My chest seems to have gotten a lot tighter.
How could I have not noticed your side of the bed getting lighter.

Panic floods my body, instantly.
This reaction is unfortunately instinctive for me.

I turn suddenly, my eyes then lock onto your frame.
Yes, it is indeed you. But your outward appearance is not the same.

You are bathed from head to toe.
In The Moons' shimmering, blue glow.
You must've just exited our en suite. 
You're smiling at me now, moving slow.
I hear the faint sound of pearling skin - the movement of feet.

Soon, I am once again, encased tightly within your arms.
And my internal sea of fear rapidly calms. 

"Hey Monkey, no worries. Back to sleep. Count me some sheep."
Slowly but surely my begin to close.
According to my love, I made; "Not a peep."
Well, that's until morn when The Sun rose.

You hurt her? Well then you have also hurt me.
Were you even aware of the damage that you caused? Its extent? Its degree?

You were supposed to love her! Caress her with your every touch!
But in fact your actions differed, very much!

I do not know you personally and you know what?! I do not wish to either.
I see you as nothing more than a sorry excuse for a human being, you pathetic mouth breather.

Does she forgive?
It would not surprise me if the answer to this question is yes.
But with the horrific memories she has to live.
Do negative feelings directed towards herself still lie within? To this day are you prolonging her sense of distress?
You can only surmise and guess.

Lucky for you, she does not seem to be the type to hold a grudge.
Maybe she would prefer to just let God be the one who must judge.

I am struck your powerful gaze.
It is alight; a roaring blaze.

Passion, hunger, and want these are the reasons behind the flame.
You swoop me up into your arms so quickly that I am unable to calm my still shaking frame.
For these tremors you are the cause.
But who I am to place blame?
I am instead silently, in my head, giving you a furious round of applause.
Everything is moving so fast.
But I know, deep within my chaotically beating heart, the impact of this moment will forever last.

Hot open mouthed kisses, you place down my neck, in a sloppy trail.
At a painstaking slow pace. One that I can only liken to a snail. 

My skin is on fire. 
But this is much more than pure desire. 
Or lust.
The driving force behind this is the element of trust.
Some may believe me, others may not but I believe that the key component of our relationship will never rust.

"I am yours and you are mine."
With that statement continually being reinforced, all clothing has been removed allowing us to now gently recline.....
Simply divine.
The dance that allows feelings to collide as limbs intertwine.

Behind my eyes, I can picture shooting stars.
"Come on baby, sing me a few bars?"

I try my best to honour your request.

But all that I can muster is a powerful but equally as pleasurable scream......
I snap open my eyes. Just a dream?
At first thought it did seem so.
Then I feel you beside me, closely you lean, "Hello."
You ever so quietly greet.
Your hand moves slowly lower to where I am radiating quite a lot of heat.
Your technique is haphazard and frantic, anything but discreet.

You pick up speed.
Making me whimper with need.

The pressure rises within my blood.
My pleasure reaches its peak, triggering a flood.
While I'm still coming down from my high.
You run a finger along the inside of my right thigh.
I buck my hips.
As your lubricated finger ends up being housed betwen your lips.
"Mmm........Finger licking good." You whisper while at the same time tweaking my overly stimulated bud.
I shudder as you start to once again, make my heart thud.
You are my Love Stud.

My determination, my resolve.
They have both all but disintegrated. It seems that it is always the case when I need them the most this when they dissolve.

If these attributes were physical masses that could crumble similar to dust or powder.
I get the feeling that I would somehow accumulate more each time I screamed, louder and louder.

People always tell me to stay calm, think twice.
And please believe me when I say that I do listen to their advice.
Being this confused and disorientated all the time is far from nice.

I am perplexed with myself.
Maybe next they will begin to assess or evaluate my mental health.

HaHa, I can see it now. It will most likely start with the obvious  and yet highly irritating question; "How do you feel?"
My automatic and by my normal standards extremely undignified reply; "Pfft! Are you for real?"
Then at the end of that rather hostile, exchange. Up shoots a wall.
And I can not for the life of me, see how people consider this an effective way to heal.
I have never imagined feeling that small.

Case and point: Nobody can or will understand.
Because? They can never know my experiences firsthand.

So, in conclusion I will now and forever remain an enigma.
To some people perhaps I am the personification of the stigma.

"The sky is blue, the sun is yellow.
I just thought I would stop by and say hello."

She laughs, I grin.
Both of us spreading happiness within.
You see, when it is just us, nothing is ever awkward or uneasy.
In fact, most of the time it is funny and incredibly cheesy.

I think if we both had our way.
We would just talk to each other throughout every hour of the day.
We would never get bored, I think that is safe to say.
I hope that this is the way it will stay.

What we have well, it is hard to explain.
And I think that's the way it will remain.
"Hey! You hear that Sam? An air of mystery we have somehow managed to create and maintain."

She calls me her 'Little One.'
And let me tell you, I consider this a huge privilege. I think it is the best prize that I have ever won.
Without a doubt! Bar none!

She is an amazing writer.
A Little One delighter.
And a kick *** demon fighter
When she appears my day gets so much brighter.

Her name, I have discovered, can be used as an acronym for the phrase; Sun And Moon.
When was I hit by this new revelation? Why some day during this week, maybe late afternoon.
I think that it is almost, if not, the perfect way to define what she honestly means to me. Oh how I love my nonbiological big sister; the awesome loon! :D
Seriously! I mean it guys, she is killer! Whackier than the best possible cartoon!
I can tell you guys this one thing.
When she gave me my nickname.
I felt so high, like I was standing on the tip of an inflight airplane wing. 
With a smile that just might put the Cheshire Cats' to shame.
So happy that I wanted to sing.
My heat nearly burst, as if it was an overinflated hot air balloon.

Today, November 18th is the date that springs to mind.
That was the day that I could only see you. To everything else I had become temporarily blind.

I walked into that room.
Now, to be fair, when I first saw you it didn't hit me like some kind of sonic boom.

Our eyes only met fleetingly, maybe just for a second.
But from the moment that my peripheral vision returned. It was as if I felt drawn to you. Something was calling me, I was being beckoned.

And then there was your note.
Simple and short. But it somehow still has the ability to make my breath hitch in the back of my throat.
When we're together I feel so light, so carefree.
That if you were to let go of me....
I would begin to slowly float.

I still can't believe my luck.
Gold, I have surely struck?

So much I want to say.
But I know your response: "Shh Monkey, I know. Okay?"
When I'm with you, time, well it just melts away.

They don't understand.
How much it means to me, to just be able to hold your hand.

To lay with you.
To 'waste' the day with you.

Love, before you, I knew not.
I thought misery was to be my lot.
But as it turns out, I've found the end of my rainbow. And I'm ecstatic to know that you are the contents of my little black ***.