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victoria Jan 2018
Submissive

Peel me raw with your voice
Undress my mind with your wit
Scrape my bones with your laughter
******* blood, so I submit

Pluck out my heart with your soul
Rip through my spine with your mind
Extract my juice with your desperate eyes
Make me love you till my eyes go blind
victoria Jan 2018
How dare you play with a life in this this way
I just got him back and I want him to stay
You pretend that you're coming that he will lie still
then you play with our minds and they fill him with pills

Relentlessly checking the screen on my phone
constantly worried that he'll die alone
My heart can not deal with the sadness and fear
That soon he'll be gone and he'll never be near

A love not believed
until recent days
will leave me again and I won't be ok
Regret will lie heavy
and deep in my heart
that I didn't forgive him
right from the start

So mess with his heart, Death
then take him away
but I am still here and I NEED him to stay
Make up your mind, Death
and stop playing games
he's not feeling good
his life not the same

I need him to rest, Death
protected, pain free
He will be missed badly, especially by me
But not till he's ready
and he wants to go
Stay away until then, Death, he'll let you know.
Another poem about my father... I wrote it after he had a major heart attack . It’s my way of getting the fear out of my heart
victoria Jan 2018
The day the break broke

It gingerly staggers up,
like a lamb to his mother
Transformation begins
A little wobbly at first
A touch untrusting of
it’s sincerity
But it is there

Then the breath becomes easier
More natural
Deeper with less thought needed
Like the coming and going
of the tide
the breath of the ocean

Appetite calls from the distance
It’s been too pregnant with the heart sickness
to wave to you until now
Your senses begin to stretch
and yawn
as your stomach
takes a peep outside
and begins to yearn for nourishment

Fever of the heart has broken
It’s time to heal
to lick your wounds
To build up and nurture
that self love
that went running into the hills
and hid between the woods

It’s time to fight back
To forgive
Seek out your truth
And your magic
And believe in love again
This is about the moment that paralysing heart break, breaks
victoria Jan 2018
Re-ject-ion
I can’t even type it whole
I’ve never said it out loud
I’ve whispered it
Like some people whisper the
word ***
But I’ll never be bold enough
to just say it
It’s the most heart wrenching
word ever created
It consumes my every thought
Yet I refuse to acknowledge it
exists
I prefer the words desired, accepted, loved.

I do not want this word Re-ject-ion
victoria Jan 2018
The creek of my neck
A head tilt to the side
Movements oddly jolted
I’ve become zombified

The day you walked out
My vision was lost
I swore I’d not talk
Whatever the cost

My heart ceased to grow
And took along my soul
Refusing to remember
Or to grow old

But my fortieth year
brought something brand new
No longer felt sadness
attached to you

My whole world changed
The day you returned
A love that grew
A love we both earned

I’m hurt you are leaving
But this time I know
You’re not leaving me
You just have to go
My dad walked out when I was 11. We met 15 years later to talk. And boy did we talk. The lost love was found and 14 years later we are stronger than ever. But I’m losing him again as some of you know. His decision for assisted suicide is fast becoming a reality.... at least we had these last years together ❤️
victoria Jan 2018
Kerosene and the Devil

I would drink up all the kerosene
Until my veins ran sick
and burn to ash from within my lungs
Of which your fire had lit

.....For one more hour with you

I would lacerate my mind
have the devil gobble it whole
Pointless having a mind
when I want to forget
the heart you stole

......After my last hour with you
victoria Jan 2018
The train keeps a coming
But I just keep a humming
I just ain’t ready to open
that door
Getting there.
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