There's a problem eating at me
I'm attached but I need to unlatch
Because this thing is tearing away at me
And closing up my heart
Causing blindness to worldwide kindness

An Optimist I am
And I fall over and over again
But I haven't lost my legs
I get up and I beg
For God to sustain me
Not to refrain from me

Some things can leave you feeling small
You gave it your all
You expected to grow tall
With love and invincibility
But all you have acquired through this is a sense of invisibility
You ponder: How could I have been so silly
But you know
If you never tried
You'd never know why it's important to live and fight
For life, for your life
For what is right
To live a fulfilling life

When the river is blocked with a pile of rocks
And everything is just clogged
You're not going anywhere
But the certainty of staying is comforting yet delaying
That's when my heart reminds me:
It's time to be praying.

And I break down
I resist
For in this misery I persist
This sickness is so sweet
In it I find a distorted relief
Who ever knew you could find comfort in grief?
My prayer at first is brief
Quick sentences that cut to the chase
Like numbing actions in attempts to erase
But God says: No, no, you've come to me, now I'm going to open your heart even more so
And you feel big and you feel small
But you know that whatever happens, you grow
He breaks you down, he lifts you up
He exposes your mindset, but He never gives up
On you
The unique one
Dazzling and one of a kind
A child of God
You, God's child
Ain't that grand

What a relief
More than relief
You've risen up from grief
Yet again, you can see!
The scales drop from your eyes
And no longer do you roam the streets
Like a beast
Seeking it's lost feast
With an inconsolable appetite
It seeks pleasure all through the night
But nothing would ever completely satisfy
The animal we have inside

When we attempt to tame our inner animal
Many times we fail
We can get disheartened and say: I NEVER PREVAIL!
But turn to God
And he will be the wind in your sails
Propelling you to prosperity and love and care

No matter what, I leave this to God
I've tried too hard and now I have nothing left
I've given too much and I've made myself blind and sick and deaf
Please God, rescue me from these murky deep waters I drown in
Stretch out a finger and pull me to safety
Remind me of my worthiness and an outpouring of love place in me
Let me trust this spontaneous turn
Because it's not quite spontaneous, for You have set out my path
Before my conception
Any time I call on you, you replenish my soul with a resurrection.

There are things in life that seem so good, seem so fine
I say, If only I had that I would be fulfilled
But I trust my journey, I trust you God
You are my unfaltering Rock

If it were not for death then we would not have life
So let me get rid of what is not serving me anymore
Embrace life and milk it for everything it is for
I know that if I just ask
You'll give me more
More love, more worthiness, more compassion
Bless me and allow me to live my life with passion!
Heck, I'm only here once,
So let's make this happen!

I can hear the nurses over the din
That is my blood in my ears,
Coursing through these veins as if on fire.

I can hear them say "He's struck dumb,
Poor man, gave the boys all he had,
All that's left, of course, is a wordless bag of bones,
And broken heart".

I can hear them frivolously care for the others I cannot see,
Whose names, are to me, little anchors that weigh me
To reality, like a nail in the ground holds a kite down
To keep it from breaking free.

I am silent, struck dumb

Why can't the thoughts that swirl in my mind like mist
Materialize into words and sentences so that a living eye can read them,
So that a living ear can hear them, as they flow from my mouth
In little indeterminate streams,
That can remind me that the world exists beyond what I have seen.

it's getting scarier by the HOUR
OUR world will never see PEACE
PIECE by piece we're overpowered
overpowering us as our fears increase

we sit idle as hatred BREWS
BRUISED by the war torn SCENE
SEEN as only pawns to lose
losing all of our hopes and dreams

I stop to think, and then realize; that time has raced ahead
And at some point, left me behind; to wither, till I’m dead

These days now slow, monotonous; drag on for so **** long
They seem to me, so arduous; I need a drink, to carry on

My mind then seems to wander, without inhibitions all around
To look back in perspective; or examine still, what is left there to be found

Considering I’ve amassed, all this erudition; it should at least, be passed on
So, I’ll share some with you now; before everything I know, suddenly, is gone

Inside me, lives a vibrant young man; who is begging to be freed
But, if I let him lose; who’s to say, to where it would all lead

When I was young, life seemed uncomplicated; so I made my way with ease
With old age, much harder, far slower, more painful, and with no guarantees

Back then, planning how to have fun and making friends; seemed to fill my needs
But now, enjoyment comes from the smallest activity; and friends, drop off like weeds            
  
As a young man “CAREFUL” didn’t come easy; it was a struggle, centered in my crotch
Now I find, to be careful as I age; it’s the very place, my doctor makes me watch

Having a wife, during senescence, truly is a blessing; as our prowess tends to diminish
As an old codger, I love to get things started; but always need that extra hand, to finish

I was proud of my manhood; back in those days, when I was fit and young
But now, with all this muscle loss; it’s my chicken skin, that is well hung

Break the bond, with your wife, and your ***** are in the rack
You can do the same, with your kids; but they, keep coming back

And having children, brings such joy; so enjoy them while they’re young
Cause in their teens, no matter what; it’s like being dragged, thru knee high dung
                              
But, spending time with the grandchildren; is the best thing on this earth
Somehow, they make a place, in your heart; and give you all they’re worth

Teach them but one lesson; which some of us, through time have learned
Work real hard, for what you want, and “SHARE”, what you have earned

Women were not put on this earth, to be controlled, or outwitted; by a man
So keep those opinions to yourself; and your big mouth shut, if you can

All that money, which we have saved; we really should have blown
Can’t take it with us, but spoiled the kids; so they should really earn their own

So, do we put it in a chest, at the end of a rainbow and let a Leprechaun hold the keys
“NO”, we invest with a bank, so they can make their millions, by charging us those fees

Besides, we won’t be judged; on how well we managed, all our earthly wealth
Which is good, because I hid mine in that chest; and it was stolen, by that fucken Elf
“I bet that would **** your doodle”

Don’t scrimp and save, in old age; we’ve worked hard, for everything we’ve got
Now, take the time to spend it, and enjoy it; just leave a little, for that plot

We should enjoy the ride, while we’re here; so in the end, we are contented
After all, it’s not the speed, nor the deed; but is the outcome as intended

Friends and neighbors die around me; and I’m not sure what I should do, or say
Move away, buy their house, pray the force went with them; or, just be more risqué
                                                      
We should do, what we’ve always wanted; not worry, where we’ll go, from that gurney
Count on that saying holding true; “IT’S NOT THE DESTINATION, BUT THE JOURNEY”

So now that I am at, the senectitude of my life; I still don’t know its meaning
Was it all about, ******* off my wife; or should have I, helped out with the cleaning

I find a daily snooze, is so very good, any time of day; it does not matter when
Days become much shorter; while the nights, don’t know where you have been

To be “RIGHT” all the time, is absolutely of no benefit; unless, it’s to change your life
Just like, making the truth prevail, is of no avail; if you’re trying to convince your wife

Believe in GOD, if you feel the need; may HIS blessings, forever on you flow
But if not, while on this earth, show only kindness; for your *** is held in escrow

Think of it this way; you do good, you’ll go to heaven; you do bad, you’ll go to hell
But if you do, nothing bad, nor anything good; then in which place should you dwell

Never hold back your thoughts, until you compose your words; before you speak
Your long time partner, will cut in first; and while you’re thinking, they will it critique

“See how I threw in partner here; no gender bias”
“I’m trying to be, androgynous and not too pious”

These days, I don’t get upset, if life goes bad; all things can be forgot or forgiven
Although, I’d just wait; and make **** sure, that first, you’ve gotten even

In the past, things would **** me off; gayety, geniality, sobriety and saying please
“THEY STILL DO”, but now, I must have mellowed; I play along, just so I can tease

I just read, our Prime Minister calls my CPP pension an entitlement..? WELFARE!!
I assumed, “MY MONEY”, was for my retirement; makes me wanna swear

I think I will, swear that is, “******* HARPER”; I worked for it, you just collected it
Now, it’s still mine, isn’t it; so don’t say you’re gifting it to me, you’re full of ****

I discovered, that excessive ***, like excessive alcohol; only ***** up how you think
But, a little *******, and a bit of moderation; prevents your disposition to a shrink

And I never cry, over a little spilled milk anymore; even though, it certainly is a pity
If it bothered me at my age; then I never should have, stopped ******* on that *****

I learned this as well, that all politicians are not bad; but, all of them are greedy
They’re honest, until they discover all their benefits; then, they think they’re needy

As a doyen, I don’t have much to say, on the abuse of ***; or other drugs of choice
It’s only when the pharmacist, won’t fill my prescriptions; that I will raise my voice

Life is hard, and I have tried, to keep up in the race; the world wouldn’t stop and wait
But, I didn’t jump off, cause I’d fall into space; and there, my life would have no weight

Remember also, “the FAD, the BAD, the SAD, and the MAD” each will have their turn
But in life, you must keep smiling, no matter what; “LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH, and LEARN”

Everything will come full circle, both the good and the bad; as I’ve always said
Nothing on this earth is, “WORTH AS MUCH” or “MEANS AS MUCH”, after we are dead
BOEMS BY JA 383                                                     25-02-2015