Jessie: Poems

May 6 · 881

No Longing

Jessie May 6

I want to see you with someone and know how we are not to be.
The crush on you is my forgotten dreams.
I no longer want to fantasize of our to be.
It's not even begun but it's a dream within my dream

Whenever I'm in a building with you I'm longing to feel connected to you. I don't want to.

I want to erase my crush and let it crush me. Every look with every look I look within I see me then in you. Crushed
My dreams see you and me
it's a slow let go
until I see you with her happy
You don't know me
I'm not meant to be called yours

I am only a flicker in your peripheral vision and you're etched within my cerebral.
A crush is only a crush because it crushes the soul
Rejection
never given
a chance to
be rejected.
May it be

Singleness is a gift

#rejection #crush

Dec 2020 · 95

For Goodness Sake 2007

Jessie Dec 2020

For Goodness Sake 2007

There is a depth to her wild, untapped.
A poetic spring over-flowing with potential.
Pain surrounds her, though it's a process she endures.
For goodness sake.
The stories shared are incomplete.
Not waiting for anything
She knows it is too late.
All for goodness sake.

Dec 2020 · 118

Forget to Remember 5/4/2018

Jessie Dec 2020

Forget to Remember 5/4/2018

She cannot erase the images burned on her soul.
She remains quiet, her memories shake her to the core.
Can she forget to remember?
The pain takes hold and the anger remains.
Like a bitter remnant she thinks has gone far away.
Come to find out it is near not elsewhere.
In her mind, the tantalizing thoughts echo.
She won't try to justify the sin or live unrepentant.
Her soul like a scissortail perched on a Highline wire.
She is flightless despite knowing how to fly.
There is an eager expectant energy she cannot deny.
Her tail keeps her balanced with such grace.
Her wisdom is found in this place.
A wild abandon saturated with untapped potential.
Time is not running out. Intimacy is in her control.
She learned to cope with the worst rejection
Grown in definition defined by dissertation.
Innocence is fleeting, stolen in the blink of an eye.
Relationships are all we have when we die.
Can she forget to remember?

Dec 2020 · 108

1999

Jessie Dec 2020

1999

Learn to live and go on with what you know.
Beliefs may change but you'll always grow.
When times get hard and you can't grasp your need.
Remember your child inside forget all the greed.
Loved ones you'll always cherish
Whether they've vanished
You will feel their presence
Guarding you from violence.
Support your loved once choices.
Be there for them if they hear voices.
People change and surroundings adapt for the better.
Remember always trust is like a feather.

Written in 1999 when I was in high school when I knew very little about myself.

Aug 2020 · 161

Cycle

Jessie Aug 2020

Cycle

Once was only abuse, fear, neglect
burst into a legacy of faith, free will of intellect.
She knows men, her pain is fleeting
She has learned rejection thy objectify her shamelessly.
We were never equal, fighting seems hopeless
Ruled by a system, no courtship towards justice.
You never know you can only speculate
Your depth is shallow you can no longer intimidate.
Food for thought they say but her brain space is full
Obese with so much junk it has left her uncomfortable.
What is this? A joke? How can it be?
Reality seems elusive, a mixed insanity.
Her fingers tremble, like a cold bitter night in the desert.
Nothing in sight but the rolling hills of parched earth.
She is an enigma laying there stunned listening to the mix.
Her soul is a paradox because of all the experience.
Everything is slipping away and she knows this.

#cycle #pain #justice #joke

Apr 2020 · 114

Make It

Jessie Apr 2020

Make It

I'm cold
I'm tired
sleepy and afraid
It's coming
The virus
Coming to tell
A story
about the children
what they feel
How they see
Isolation
Quarantine
Starting over again
Words, Live
What will they tell?
Are the words going to be,
sad, lonely, depressed?
Or truth, hope, peace,
faith and love?
I heard it like this
"Faith is not a lever I pull
for God to make it stop,
Faith is a lens I look through to see
That God has been there
the whole time."

Apr 2020 · 640

Parental Perspective

Jessie Apr 2020

Parental Perspective

MoffettStrong2020
Do you know that passion you get to give your best?
The deep-down drive propelling you forward?
I watched, I listened, I participated.
I have seen passion and pain unfold.
Coming upon a year when the rain took away our schools, homes, businesses, city by the city just washed away.
Passion and pain unfolded
Do you know that passion to give it your all
We all stood together determined we would not let the other fall.
Eight days passed and hope came
pushed back the water so we'd begin.
Passion and pain unfolded
Do you know that passion to give your best?
The deep-down desire propelling you forward?
I watched, I listened, I participated
I have seen passion and pain unfold
You could have seen it in the people's eyes
Rising with each passing hour.
All the little eyes and ears
they watched, they listened, they participated.
There was no covering them to prevent them from knowing.
Loss, uncertainty, questions unanswered.
They saw the passion and the pain unfold.
All the details are important only for God to see because what character came after is what strengthened everyone to rise again.
Each person uniquely gifted with an assigned challenge.
All the details are only important for God to see.
This muddy mess, broken to pieces took all of the passion and pain everyone could gather. We built something beautiful on a foundation of blood, tears, and faith.
I watched, I listened, I participated
Passion and pain unfold.
Nothing is keeping us from growing, it is a faith united #moffettstrong because we face each struggle together, prayer first, a strategy later. Now our school year is cut short.
Loss, uncertainty, questions unanswered.
We've seen passion and pain unfold.
The day will come and I don't know when or where;
quarantine and isolation will tell a story out of the mouths of these little eyes and ears, as they watch, they listen, and they see the passion and pain unfold.

Jan 2020 · 92

Cut

Jessie Jan 2020

Cut

It is interesting that people bleed.
Deep on the inside where we cannot see.

We all have been cut
it starts from day one from our mothers gut.

Umbilical cord supplying all our nutrients
Giving us freedom only to forget it.

Don't bleed on others I've heard it said
The hurt so deep; learning how to live.

Time does not do the healing in a wound
It takes a considerable amount of love.

From when I took my first breath
I am learning love is not supposed to be tough.

What I hope is one day I won't shudder when I remember.
But I would speak of my pain with purpose and venture.

To proclaim the importance of believing and healing.
The cut circumvent, makes loving me more easy.

Jan 2020 · 107

Divided Atonement

Jessie Jan 2020

Divided Atonement

There can be a hidden gem between the iron.
Some place that I can be firm with terms
Wrinkles are now on my clothes hung on the line
God has stripped away my shame as I learn

Piles of clothes fill out the baskets
Thoughts flashback, questions arise
Sometimes with overwhelming tactics
Fighting for resolution has made me wise

I don’t fall to the lies
I’ve moved passed those games
It’s exhausting to see you most times
Future extinct and full of decay

You’ve created an asylum
Lost in a twisted reality
I see how trapped you have become
It’s not a place for my sanity

Weak and helpless was my train
I spent years repeating the trauma
Finally I can feel free and you’re still the same
I am no longer crippled to your drama

I still feel like I’m healing
Closure always seems so near
I’ve never trusted those who are loving
So I’ve bought into a lonely leer

What was once permitted in our life
Now has become your prison
It’s because you don’t own your strife
It’s not okay with my vision

I said this before but I need to say
My chains are broken and I’m set free
I do not see how it will ever help you be okay
In this life we live on and that is the key!

Nov 2018 · 124

Give

Jessie Nov 2018

Give

Hope
To remain faithful
To sustain connection
Doubt creeps in hopeful
Eager to distort redemption

The toughest walk
Is the way
Tripped up by desires
Tempted each day

Every Jesus follower knows the pain
Sacrifice, blood shed
Struggling to remain

With each new day the sun will rise
Leading is the catalyst
That may leave us wise

Hope, faith, and love grow strong
Only if we draw close to God

To abide through the dismay
Preserver through
The decay
Find a spark that ignites the flame
It begins to purify
In Jesus name

The seeds are scattered around the heart
We have to be broken
For the seed to get a start

Looking from the outside things don’t seem clear
Underneath, in the dark
Hope is drawing near

Being made new with the hope of eternity when I die
Seems a greater chance
Leading a legacy questioning why

Nov 2018 · 264

Recap

Jessie Nov 2018

Recap

Your fresh lips scare me
the way you abuse and manipulate.
I revisit old memories and get angry.

I am going through recovery
sometimes feeling terminally ill.
My mind tries to escape the story,
pockets of my soul you tried to ****.

Your damage is thick in my mind.
Time does the sharpening.
Expenditures barrow over time
forever staining the walls of my memories.

I pause, the pattern won’t break
Scroll through to the end
Insert what I want to laminate
It’s a sickness,

toxic from my own artificial mistakes
I will live here in freedom forgiven
chastised by the feelings I cannot emulate.

— The End —