I’m left here again
Alone and scared of myself
Blood on my hands
My blood as always
I don’t even know why I’m here
Or what I feel right now
Except pain
My single constant
At least I can rely on that

I fall deeper into misery
With every passing day,
And the more I lie
The more it hurts inside.
I’m so angry it hurts
And self hatred is tearing me apart.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know what I have left to hold on to
So please just let me let go.

I thought it was different
That I had changed
Begun to heal
To recognise myself
But the truth is
I am so good at hiding my pain
Even from myself
But now I see
I am more broken than I’ve ever been

At night I am broken
Trapped in a nightmare
Long since gone
But at night I remember
At night I mourn
And when the morning comes
And the mourning goes
I wipe away the tears
I bury my sorrows in a dark place
Not deep enough
For they arise
And at night I break again

My fear is paralysing me
My secrets wrapped tight round my throat
Every heartbreak hits me at once
And my heart shatters into pieces
So many pieces
Now all that remains is dust

If this is a test
To see how much I can take
You win
Because I’m so very tired
And I can’t do this anymore

Your grip is so tight
It grounds me
Keeps me here with you
And your hand is warm in mine
If I let go
I know you’ll still be here
Waiting for me
Ready to catch me when I fall
But I can’t stay here
I can’t stay with you forever
Because I have to survive alone
I have to do this alone
And loneliness is what I fear
But I don’t feel it now
When I’m safe in your arms
I can’t stay here forever
I can’t love you
In the hope that will save me
That it will be enough
To keep me here
Because it’s never enough
I have to choose to live