The truth will settle everything if you refuse to
leave.

There is such beauty in the unexplained
A feeling so grand that no words can do it justice
To have no satisfaction with anyone but one
To wear your heart on your sleeve and be overjoyed
To think and not think all at the same time
To trust someone with everything and nothing
To give up nothing and everything
To feel secure and vulnerable all at once
You are forever my mystery
There is such a beauty in the unexplained

I stared catatonic nonstop and could not pull my eyes away or scream
except for the great internal scream and I felt like death was upon me, or nearly so.
And my body asleep but my mind twisted and my eyes awake wide-open
and no dream this was but real things and then my thoughts put outward
and all these things terrible formed into death-shadows
and flowed down through the fabrics above my head. 



Flesh undulating in darkness that creeped
and I found ten seconds of courage to sit up and stare
at the wall as the rippling fabric became a thousand black snakes
crawling down from the ceiling and out from my dreamcatcher
that did nothing at all but release these terrors from the wall.

And I thought it was sordid wind that came in gusting through my window that made my sheets become like a mechanical sea
but it was not so, and these vile snakes poured out like *****
from some gaping maw above and went underneath my bed
and all through the floor to the four corners of my room
and then came together again above on the center of my ceiling
and murmured death-talk and horror-faces from the walls and ceiling

and even closing my eyes would bring nothing but flashes
of demonic children and things with no jaws or eyes
hollowed out and terrible ghosts I procured and almost choked out laughter because this was it and I've finally gone and gone mad



There was a man at my closed door wearing my jacket that hung on a hook
and his face was the face of a skull that hung above my door
and from the corner of my eye the man with the door on his back with the coat still attached walked with silent step toward my bed, and I turned to look at this figure
and instead of snapping back against the wall like all nightly visions should;
he stood there, and as I stared at him I saw slow moving black legs receding against the wall

but the horrors of his feet were ten thousand worm bodies and black leathery fingers of bats and crawling things
and my carpet floor was no longer static but a creeping madness,
and my body trembled as if it were being continuously dropped
from heights a hundred times over and great odious black
pillars and monoliths slid steadily up the corners of my room with arms
that then burst out to the middle into nothing but a smiling cheshire grin
and I could not move anymore and just stared until my mind went numb

and like the first sunlight upon the last fog before dawn, I awoke.

There Will be God

When all of life's
mysteries
and
wonders
and inner revelations,
resolutions,
and
relative ramblings
have no source.
When you realize
that
the conclusions
you reached
were just another beginning
and
the music is quieted
by the vacant poetry
of the end.
There will be God

i have been silent
words do not flow out of me
i am a steady stream of silence

              words spoken out of turn
              used to incite great reactive storms
              in the mind and body of my father
  
                             sometimes i am silent because of fear
                             but lately i am silent, because i speak
                             with my body and actions

                                         i no longer speak hollow words that **** life out
                                         words that lead to further disconnection
                                         today, when i speak  i choose words of connection

                                                                   little by little
                                                     peace
                                                                   grows in me