blithely turning toward a closer ground she measured her body in the mirror's reflection for the inside capacity (adequate at any), of the ornate casket she had ordered to have intricately carved and lavishly inlaid.
she was in a fantastic space for a good-natured case of the ****-its.
Dani was dying.
she was small in stature and large in awkward.
jotting the numbers down,
her eyes - just a bit of dust
smiling through and reaching for
the coin she tossed
-her way out the door.
god how she mystifies me.
in awe, slack-jawed and my face hurts from laughing with her.
it's like a hundred million tiny yellow butterflies were released at penelope's wedding to a sky of falling ashes from a small grass fire next county over.
that's what i feel like when she laughs. i am going to miss her when she goes-
i can't really wrap myself around a comprehensive strategy for creating a space within myself that will be without her.
i have lost interest in trifling
i spend my time at a job that's just a good reason to walk that far.
i come home with fresh fish and flowers and a couple of album finds from "the pig and the gator" record store.
guy clarke, Willie's
"redheaded stranger", and an early Romones e.p.
Dani loved, i mean loves records. so do i. ****. loved. that sort of tears me up that i wrote that.
anyhow, we crack beers and eat fish and listen and talk and laugh and spend the rest of most nights trying to find my disappeared dog Luke Sidewalker. i miss him so incredibly deeply that my gut hurts so as to nearly stop me from breathing.
i feel that i am so many people when i am with her.
that's the mystic. she sort of leads me to where i am most comfortable in her presence. she showed me where.
that you could be in pieces and not get nervous about it.
i can't imagine tomorrow. and i can no longer remember yesterday,
but as the ******* ghost of this day;
i hold no real promise.
this is it.
here she is; opening the door as she thumb flips her coin with something near to indifference. bloww.
she puts a smile on me like she's swinging a haymaker.
"tails", she whispers. she is looking at me as if there is something worth looking at.
she hands her coin to me.
tails.
butterflies and ashes.
when someone you know becomes someone you knew.