if you were to ask me what color I bleed naturally I'd say red
But I'll lie in bed
I'll be thinking red red red red red....
but that's not the truth but its what I said
red that's not my color, It's black
it's metallic, oily, thick, red is a color that I lack
I have so much of it stuffed inside me its bleeding from my mouth
I'm choking on....Ink...…….Its ink that I bleed
cut me open and you'll see
I cry ink
From the corners of my eyes you'll see the black tendrils of ink sneaking down my cheeks.
My heart beats ink
I am ink

A profusion of tributaries pulse within
surge and fall away so swiftly
who I am becomes a question
I can only answer when I throw myself
into the great and powerful now
by tracing them on these pages.

Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down