You behave differently now...

I know what you'd say:
I'm overthinking it
I need a mental health check

But I know what I saw,

The way you act now
It's like I can tell how it's all in my head.

Deny deny deny

She will be there.

To cut the string that ties all her fingers
to all my guts
With that katana on the wall, or
A blade like Nordic ice, or
the very last beat of my heart.

Standing over.

These forfeited days dressed so strange
In my last breath.

Show the world, and be the victor
Of my death.

Of course he has to write a poem
For his biological mom

All fractals and dancing crystals
Singing life across the world

They're spinning bravely on woodland trails,
All trilliums and violets and pink lady's slippers
Even invasive narcissus, obliged by the drops of morning dew

He's happy there,
And he thinks to himself:
I must have come
From somewhere...

She is a blazon of Love
Vibrant with galaxies, nebulae
And bioluminescence
The glow of her mind sprouting flowers and funny things

Deep in her heart,
She finds Love as a spring

Dream maker

Damming myself from the silent omen
That slips off the skin of the brave and broken
I miss the way my skin was last spring
I miss the things I'll never be
I twitch in the sunlight and stare
I will never be a king

Hang love up in the open air,
You were never meant to be just a wall
On your windowsill,
Chips of bone and broken teeth from last fall.

My son was born to be a warrior
Busting through time
Woven from nothing

I remember the mental clinic
In my teens and early twenties
You could call it the millenial clinic, too
Cause you know how we do

Check yourself in

I remember how I rammed my father's car
With the one he bought me
I remember being that disease
Chalking it all up to a cheat

I remember breaking things in anger
Breaking things in anger
Breaking things in anger
Train station night
Running over someone's car
Going back to sleep
Knowing I'm wrong

I remember the county jail
*****, terrifying
Stay away from me
I'm not the one you want
I can't sleep

I remember the sting of defeat

This is the land of the free.

It snakes through cities and farms,
Growls in parking lots
And goes like lightning down highways
Choking and spitting on itself
Organs serenade eachother
In a wheezing harmony.

I am the bobbing head of a poet.

I want to work
Diagonally
Scratch deep thoughts into your concrete
Make a living off of party favors
And help you get on your feet

I know what you need--
I know what I wanna be
Is a flag, rather than a buttress or beam
And you could say I'm arrogant
But that's the life
I want to I lead.

I can't wait to
Splash into
Unhinged love again
This time my soul will be symmetrical
And I will swim with the strokes of a man
An artist man
And not a boy

I won't stop to measure how unfortunate the water is
But maybe to worship the sun god Ra
All over her body
Her hips are smooth as brushstrokes

It's free summer.

I'm getting ready for a little taste of
Paradise

This side of things.

Something in the towering urban structure seems collectively
Demonic, maybe my mind is looking for origins of Death.

I'm a vagrant tucked into a cranial shell
Improvising theatrics, painting the halls of reality
With pigments I've garnered along the way.

When spirit formed me the Satan must've pushed out like oil in water
Hid on the other side of the Universe, in black holes
A deep wound incorrigible to sweet Raphael
Black and slimy Satan craving admission
That I have black slime in my blood.

I try to offer my mind an example of a quanta of Gabriel,
an example of mostly Raphael, a purely Satanistic idea,
a time Michael won. But everything rotates like the four-sided figures
described by Ezekiel, and everything is God. God, God, God.

Or whatever vocabulary you choose to express this feeling.

Because this feeling comes from my concrete thoughts.
Thinking, "The new surveillance state sure changed culture sociologically
and psychologically"
Always results in thoughts like, "Yeah but it seems like people generally balance the equation when there's a need for it."
And then the negative, "Yeah but in some instances this really ***** for some people!"
And then, both considered, "Well, it's just another arrangement of matter,
and it'll be deconstructed and something new will happen, and that is good."

Or something like that.

And over and over again I have that ...caboose at the end of my trains of thought. That's the caboose.

Ha ha, I'm going insane. Maybe I need a pharmaceutical.

Observations need to collapse to occur. So maybe before I turn this corner, there are angels and demons fighting it out, deciding
what i'll see when the waveform collapses. I mean, in a way, that's true.
And did you know about quantum decoherence? That kind of thing is really interesting. i am capable of understanding this wide variety of things. i'm endlessly curious. & I could totally be socially normal and everything
but right now i'm just writing, and whatever
i do it because it's fun and it feels good to write
for some reason i'm not a celebrity yet
kind of dumb if you ask me, but okay
and for some reason where's all the ladies
like **** that noise! lonely af
it's just complete nonsense, and right now i'm just writing. **** it. lol

I hold guilt like a treasure
But start to feel stupid
Hold on, I said, you don't know what I mean
Only what I meant

Well what I mean is constructed only of intent
Which hardly brings me solace
I'm counting on potential.

Only someone so privileged and used to being safe
Would act this way.

Well, I love you, and I hold it like a treasure
Because I think I've got some time
To make my life a little better

And pondering the outcomes given easier paths
Is inimical to my profession,
I want to stop going over those neural pathways

In infinite succession you will find Jesus Christ
In our world without proof and erased history, he existed.
he did, and he is there. He was man and God in one.
He was the messiah who came. It's just how you choose to believe in Him.
Or maybe not, maybe it is anathema if you believe in some other thing.
See, these things are what they are. God has found you.

think, what his name means. perfect circle. the epitome of human existence. like, a gauge boson of love, or am i going too far?

it's all good.
that is, if you choose to believe it is.

i hope you aren't looking for answers in these words,
cause, oh... dear lord. you'll be looking for
an eternity, child!

The human God is so confounded in polyphony
Frustrated in the midst I stand, dissonance pulls at me
I have learned to scream, "SHUT UP!!!" while maintaining
Complete silence, so as to not upset the dream.

The monster wardens of the dream frighten me,
They brandish chains and make me urinate into cups
They make assumptions and speak in strange tongues
I don't understand.

I know the right way to treat me, I have touched its face
But these monster wardens of the dream
Have their own agenda, they color the room wrong,
Sting, Misunderstood, Sourstomach Green.

When I have such potential if I could airlift myself
And drop him into the correct place,
With instruments and a small apartment
I'd help lots of people, but apparently I need a degree
I need proof, I can't be a felon
I destroyed property.

And mother says it isn't proper to ask for a patron,
That's begging and it's for people with cancer.

Call me a whiny Western cliche, I don't care,
Despite that my record has real value
And my staunch observation cuts right through
The idiocy of everything I've had to go through

I was a problem child, but YOU were a problem circumstance
I blame the space between all of these people:
A problem county, a problem country, a problem lawyer.
A problem jail, a problem lover, a problem parent.

I will face my problems squarely
When i feel a little less depressed
Than I felt today.

The sky has turned ultraviolet
And the people's hair lifts towards outer space
Like it does when submerged in water

The stakes are high,
The secrets are sealed tight
And everything has eyes

The cars are fast and the world looks more lopsided
Than ever.

And she is hot, white-hot
So hot she is cold, her essence unfolding
Mocking figurine gods, deceiving the people
By giving them science and the truth.

Good merit makes her look an ugly ten, dripping with gold
and material goods, she has put disdain in my heart for these things
But slipped in a second guess, and then, I find beneath that
A deep respect and appreciation for all things under the sun

For taste and for culture
It turns you on that she is so crazy,
That things have gotten to this point
You're likely to wrap yourself in her **** form
Pull her close to you, because the world is ending (it is)
And fire is coming from the sky

Or maybe it's just from her eyes.
They are everywhere

I watched you tear them apart.

You are such sick juxtaposition
But that's just one man's opinion.

And it's only a gesture of desperation,
To speak of you as if you were person.

Because in the corner of our minds we know we're lost along boundless corridors of time,
And yet here we are.

open on all sides!

And when you see them starving and diseased and stopped short by cars and drugs,
Maybe the reason it hurts so much is because we are less important than we suppose.

To me at least, I reconcile all that's hard to take with the joy of simply being,
But what a strange thing to see it bear such prisons of pain
And then to leave, I guess, the realm of human judgment altogether
Away from the idea of joy, to whatever else the universe ...becomes?

And it racks my mind because all I know is this *human

yellow pasture
sitting resplendent,
drinking water.
trees submerged in a balmy sea of air
don casual green boughs
and i'm sitting
god slipped me just between the yellow sky
and the yellow grass
of the pasture

that is where the Only Traveled Path leads
but a stinging noise began in the corner of the sky
and who knows why?

and what comes after?

Lost among crowds it is found in her eyes
Run like a river through the veins of her mind
Run like a river, you'll find your own heart
But when we part,

Hope it's all shown to be something unique
Know all the husk gather up round your feet
You are a weird fruit and a weird fruity explorer
Laugh like a king!
Bring my chaos to order

Would you like an extra helping of slaughtered pig?
The gavel smacks differently every time
As lips smack differently,
And hearts beat unevenly

They are like those arcade games that push coins over the edge,
All beating, all grotesque and slovenly
Because science had to bleed into an art
So ignorance and anarchy could rule our minds

Bleeding and beating at random, greasy with blood
That is exactly how you'd like it
The sting of tears makes whole the meat of laughter
The incessant wrong and the pervading light
Empty space, quantum night
Sunrise come, make it right

And disappear into the void

My vocabulary is thinning
You should read a book
Forget about me, I'm
Left behind

I keep a garden of dead and dying roses
It reminds me of the time you died before you got it done

I water the roses of other worlds,
And those of demons
They're luscious and complete
Floating somewhere in my eye

I guess I could have tried
Could have tried to be an artist
But I am just an idiot,
I am just some guy

To know I could have done it
Is my ***** little secret
Dead and dying roses,
Dead and dying eyes.

*******
you never existed

i just gotta glitter up my ******* then im going to bed

you're insane and hilarious so I love it

doesnt everyone do that before they go to bed?
for the **** fairy?
thats what eminem's uncle told me to do.....

oh my god it's so funny
you crack me up dude

no someone pls put reid back together
we need to go to cape may tomorrow!!
ill take you to the beach reid : ' )
ill throw ur cracked up shard amongst the waves
but i shall save your sphincter, and wear it around my neck at all times

then you would dismantle me
you're hilarious af bro
you win

I'm a lost cause, love
Every argument
Buried in eternal silence

Now I'll scar my brain
I will waste away
And forget the taste of trying

I really loved you
It was the last time I felt alive
But I was broken
Now I'll twist myself some more

And it was my fault
Should have recognized
What you tried to give to me

I will mutilate myself
I was never meant to love

Garrulous.
Crunchy leaves don't lament the lack of artfulness
Nor artifice, or the lustful way in which I
Walk out of Kristen's house
Expecting them not to attack

I just ramble on and on
Waiting for you to draw your blade
My neck has always been naked
I don't wear steel plates

Brandishing it all the time
Your teeth sparkle in the sunlight
When you smile, they shine
Once I was a kid, back then it never forked my mind

What I do inside is not wrong
And that doesn't mean I'm clinging to pride
The way nature touches herself
Are we like the mantis?
Did you warn me not to do it again?

The brown leaves skitter across the street
They cannot escape and so they hope to be crushed up into dirt
And sometimes get swept up and strangled by plastic bags
But even plastic burns when you get it hot enough

So maybe the ocean is really getting cleaner every second

VERSE 1.

Sli-
ther

INto my mind,
And SEE through-my eyes...
The BIG ger PIC-ture
Is a BIG surPRISE!

I NOticed you there,
I DON'T real-ly care
I THOUGHT you-should know
You were the only... one, out, HE-RE!!

(dramatic silence)

Don't cry

(more insts)

With BILLions of us
You're WILLing to trust
With SPILLing your guts
You think you're better off?

And WHEN you feel dead,
And ****** in the head
Keep LIVing through me
Vi-car-i-ous-LY-Y!

PRECHORUS.

So welcome tooo me!
We're living through ME!

CHORUS.

Woah, It's just another injection
Ohhh... We're here for your protection
Won't you please just shut
Your ******* trap?

Woah, I got some men in the lobby
Ohh-oh, don't need to bury your body
When we're six feet down,
No coming back.

VERSE 2.

There's NOwhere to start
Got ICE in my heart
It's NICE to make art
But I. don't. think. WE--

Billions of us,
You're killing for lust
There's billions of us
There's billions! There's BILLIONS!!
(?)

PRECHORUS 2.

mockingly, as in "Hang 'Em High"

And all ah-long, we wrote you songs
No dedicace, when you know you're wrong
You chemical, you little *****
You ****** us

YOU REALLY ****** US!!

CHORUS

Ohhh! It's just another injection
Ohhh... We're here for your protection
Won't you please just shut
Your ******* mouth?

Ohhh, I got a ******* hotel now
Ohhh, I think I'm going to hell now
And we're all just six feet un-der-GROUND!

Massive creaking noise

Loud whispering

BRIDGE.

You just turn around now,
And face it alone
Just turn around and leave us
And never come home

(You thought you had the answers
You thought you were the key
You'll never fix this,
But at least you'll be free)

LAST CHORUS

(?)

Unexercised eyes grow narrow.
I kinda want to impress you.

Slump over,
Stifle my own fire.

Nature is oil in rainwater pools
A man in a suit
Makes aggressive moves
Nature is construction worker food
And steel beam bones going past the window

Nature is farms and farms of farms
Nature is a 5 o clock alarm
Nature is resplendent in the penthouse
Nature starved the young child.

Nature is the best that we can be,
Nature is hanging from a tree.
Nature is the sound of rock and roll
Nature is a steaming casserole,

What organization, I ask
Are we supposed to take?
What optimization leaves our lives
At best stake?
I seek harmony in love and science,
In mathematics and love
Because I see what they're doing in my world
And I have to say,
They are not running it as best as they could,
They just ******* AREN'T.

If you
Were dead-set on collapsing
It's just something that happens

This won't be easy and it's
Gonna take some time

And let the poison pass by

Because God knows there's enough up above
And inside me
Inside you is the sky

I give birth to chemical boy
Halo swim in halogen water
Summer sun here, tree limb overhang there
Emergent halo, the world is my halo, whatever happens

Organic chemistry of the tree limb,
Physical reality of the sun
Tracing the same line
Turning like a kaleidoscope
Includes me swimming

No one hates me
Not even myself
Demons can't come here

Stick out my tongue at demons underwater
Thumbs in ears wiggling fingers
Demons are not people

Girl is a chemical
I don't want to think about it
"He will not like women"
Yes I will, I can evade the prophecy

A thought is a chemical too.

A cool animation is welling up in my head
I wipe it from my mind like a tear
You can't save me
I'm going somewhere terrible I can feel it

What puts nutrients in the soil?
Yes I know but never enough
And why situated there like that?
Everywhere I look I see it
Make a shark out of origami and drop it in the pool
It's chasing me around
Oh no

Sierra, Sierra, Sierra
Who is Sierra
When am I gonna die
Is it again? Or only once
What's wrong with my head

The nature of playing cards changed
I noticed that
But it's always the same
Pulling cards all day
Could you call it a stacked deck
And now the poem has written itself
Fireworks shoot out of my brain and I'm not as sad as I sound
We're in love and it's Sunday the first of October

What is giving just to give?
Is it the same color
As self-mutilation
Or talking to yourself
In the car?

I see the stone, I see the stone
It is still and it is silent
The delirious alpha, Jesus Christ
An echo in the cosmos, life

Was it given just to give?
And take, because my body's
Like a ***** drain.

The highest act of dominance
Is giving just to give
It leaves a target on your back
And the army wrought by fear
He lacks

The highest act of dominance
Is giving just to give
Not just because you have enough,
But just because
It is.

god bless the ***** prayers of hotel rooms,
sanctified and cathartic,
in the face of the world they are pure,
unabashed heavens in the maelstrom of life
Jesus Christ and his aeternal wife
I assert that they might just be next to Nirvana
otherwise just a motley crew of individuals knocking on heaven's door with a knife...

What I'm already giving you!

What you want,
The lights dancing in your eyes
No, that was for me
Didn't they teach you not to be jealous?

You will choke on it
Oh you'll never learn

I do feel bad!
That's what I'm already giving you!

You don't know how good it is
Trust me you'll see one day
When the thing that's not me treats you so cruelly

I can never wash my hands of this,
As sure as the empty firmaments in the sky,
Like rings of fire
Staring at each other knowing we are each other's deaths,
Our deepest identities.

We negate each other's purpose
Now in need of gates in heaven
And I'm a predator in heaven
I guess you're just a helpless Lamb.

We kiss too passionately,
Lifting up our *** as a bleeding trophy.

Now the clouds are pierced with a chemical fire
Sights you'd never want to see
It was the PB&J sandwich of five years old
Coming back, the action turning inside out,
Digestion coming back now from the sky.

The caustic gases singe your nostrils
And you receive an unnatural sensation
Now your nerves are all spiky and everything seems long, and reeling

We have brought this on ourselves
And everything that you called help
Takes a cruel turn when you realize you're actually alone

You start to slough attachment
Oh, I wish I could help you with this...
When you're crushed into the center of your head...
But no one else is there when it happens
No hand to hold, you have to
Do it
Alone

stomach's pulling for a hole
mind, pulling for
everything, everything
going around the bath tub drain

The tide pushes my arms and legs outward
Reaching for it
The tide's name is
Something's Missing, Something Incomplete;
Need.

the external shimmers and reveals itself as you,
the needle-beak of a hummingbird makes plunges for nectar;
a middle-aged mess smokes cigar behind a gas station.

but i am the thing i'm missing.
chaos swims with the face's discolored
lumpy and insane
swollen and directionless
loverboy recycled around the sun again
scotch-taped dreams and jagged eyes.

open enough and you'll find the pearl
or stay at home
and you'll never know

girl

The pregnant stars turn to nature's fireworks
When a small orchestra of muscle touches them with virtuosic love~

Or it could even be accidental,
Poking holes loose in globes of light
Knocking some angels loose with a dusty old guitar.

Do you remember the songs i improvised
They could get impressive
Brilliant even

I forgot how it goes,
But at least someone heard it.

Gorelord sits atop his putrid pile
But the stench of his product is wrapped in a taut smile drizzled with aftershave
A tie drips blood from his neck like an intestine
Because he deals in the blood of men

His organs have become synonymous with a dark market:
He writes on living cadavers with a black marker
As long as he's writing in black
And keeps the red off his hands

From his point of vantage bulging eyes look for any cure to his empire of disease
These, men surround like silent tentacles
And dragged to the vault for dissection
That's the wrath of politics

Gossamer girl
That's a name for my silk-spun, dew-dropped world.

In the morning
Ornamented like a chandelier of death

Unprevented from yourself, you are per
and fect.

I was deep in my thoughts
And then I saw you again today
On the bus

I am jostled and nervous
I don't know what to expect
I am focused on your nose ring
And you saw my nervousness and you stroked it

Let me lock load and fire, aim again
Straight down the long road of your eyes
Tell me "boy you'll do, you'll do"
Let me feel you up
On the bus

Can we talk about
funny things

things we put in mason jars
left to rest
on our bedside tables,

and

never judge a guy by the state of his eyeliner,
he's just getting himself together still,

daydreams about squirrels and prospective film productions,

headsplitting laughter with devil dicked eyes,

we're just devil dicked guys,

my Grandma and I.

Cut my flesh and cut it into slivers
And twist them to a rose
I've become that fifth wheel of consciousness
Robert Smith turning 30 without ever having released an album
His musical passion, except muted choked and abandoned

I am the place where physics goes to die

I cannot prove who I think i am
I've read headlines about the ones who went off the rails

My organs have come together
To make something between art and happenstance
How confirmed your beauty is
And how subjective is the notion that I contain any at all

Mommy's a little
Turned away

She's always been a little
Turned away

Green eyes, forest eyes
Plunge through the undergrowth

Bright red blood keeping us alive.

The music Animalia enthralls and ignites
the legs to run, dancing over roots
Seeking fruit to survive.

Finding strong brown branches,
Perfect to climb.

And picking sweet citrus
From the clear blue sky.

there is a grey wall
and a stare
and there is not much more
of an answer right now,
what is the meaning
of life

There is a dessicated half
A grilled cheese sandwich
Underneath the stove
In my home

I really need to throw it away
I really shouldn't
Eat it.

sniff
.

the universe doesn't care for us all the same
his guts were splayed on the road
it shakes hands with you and it shakes bones with me
they got him, weaknesses mean destruction
when it gets right down in my head
when it gets right down to the road

you got to push, man, push as hard as you can
his guts were splayed on the ROAD
it always ***** to see 'em go but especially the good ones
they got him, weakness means DESTRUCTION
it always ***** with my head so bad when they go.
when it gets right down to the road

i swear i saw a frowning clown in the sky
his GUTS were SPLAYED ON THE ROAD
reflected in my silver lining
they GOT HIM. strengths and everything!
but it corroded black as a matter of fact
when it gets right down to the road.

his guts were splayed on the road
they got him, weakness meant destruction
when it gets right down to the road.

when it gets right down to the road,
you never know where your journey could take you.

You were never very good
At guitar

beating heart,
blinking eyes
breathing lungs,
gushing blood.

all out on the kitchen table,
ready for a meal.

Try again, find the fountain
Drink up your might
Will the self to live

Or to leave-- exhale
Subsist
Follow the easy path of the drop along the string
Into death,
Fold.

But muster strength, coordinate those chemical ropes
Focus them hard
Hope against hope,
Whatever that meant.

But know
That Frostian wisdom
As fall comes to find us
And the night's shade reminds us
Oh, really anything could.

That no gold thing can stay
Nor anything else
Even holes in our minds
Are anything else

I deserve more than death
I deserve to die over and over again
I have gone too far
I have said too much
And this wasted life
It burdens my soul

Forgive me for lamenting so,
Omegamale antics are at it again
The rain is leaking in
And I am so, oh
I am so cold.

Won't you stay
Out of harm's way?
With each little cell pointing north
They seem to cloak you in an aura
Dress you in a song
That's celebrating life

Carry the dear thing forward
And take care of your self and kind
And leave maps and symbols behind
To keep on the love wave

Stay out
Of harm's way
Please, unless you're evil
And you're about to **** us all
But that just speaks to the same point anyway
Anyway
Stay safe
And keep out
Of harm's way

I didn't realize how we have to work,
I must have blinded the child
I guess God's a *******
And the devil is worse.

There is no such thing as Matt Shaw