What is giving just to give?
Is it the same color
As self-mutilation
Or talking to yourself
In the car?

I see the stone, I see the stone
It is still and it is silent
The delirious alpha, Jesus Christ
An echo in the cosmos, life

Was it given just to give?
And take, because my body's
Like a ***** drain.

The highest act of dominance
Is giving just to give
It leaves a target on your back
And the army wrought by fear
He lacks

The highest act of dominance
Is giving just to give
Not just because you have enough,
But just because
It is.

I bear witness
To the object and obstacle of the mind
"Eat it!"
It says to me

And if i do, i know you don't need it
We are eating just for pleasure
You know you are undoing my body

Cue the caricatures of the glutton
Food flying everywhere
And we are watching from our death
Like the ghost of Christmas past.

And if i don't, which happens less
Then I am holy and sacred
For not listening to that devil
Ignoring rumbles,
Staying steadfast.

See how ravenous you were,
Just taking it for granted
And eating, and eating,
How dare you,
You eater.

And the fact you will be judged
And being exposed to that fear by an automatic universe
But you think it must be for some reason
You must have done something wrong.

god bless the ***** prayers of hotel rooms,
sanctified and cathartic,
in the face of the world they are pure,
unabashed heavens in the maelstrom of life
Jesus Christ and his aeternal wife
I assert that they might just be next to Nirvana
otherwise just a motley crew of individuals knocking on heaven's door with a knife...

What I'm already giving you!

What you want,
The lights dancing in your eyes
No, that was for me
Didn't they teach you not to be jealous?

You will choke on it
Oh you'll never learn

I do feel bad!
That's what I'm already giving you!

You don't know how good it is
Trust me you'll see one day
When the thing that's not me treats you so cruelly

I can never wash my hands of this,
As sure as the empty firmaments in the sky,
Like rings of fire
Staring at each other knowing we are each other's deaths,
Our deepest identities.

We negate each other's purpose
Now in need of gates in heaven
And I'm a predator in heaven
I guess you're just a helpless Lamb.

We kiss too passionately,
Lifting up our *** as a bleeding trophy.

Now the clouds are pierced with a chemical fire
Sights you'd never want to see
It was the PB&J sandwich of five years old
Coming back, the action turning inside out,
Digestion coming back now from the sky.

The caustic gases singe your nostrils
And you receive an unnatural sensation
Now your nerves are all spiky and everything seems long, and reeling

We have brought this on ourselves
And everything that you called help
Takes a cruel turn when you realize you're actually alone

You start to slough attachment
Oh, I wish I could help you with this...
When you're crushed into the center of your head...
But no one else is there when it happens
No hand to hold, you have to
Do it
Alone

stomach's pulling for a hole
mind, pulling for
everything, everything
going around the bath tub drain

The tide pushes my arms and legs outward
Reaching for it
The tide's name is
Something's Missing, Something Incomplete;
Need.

the external shimmers and reveals itself as you,
the needle-beak of a hummingbird makes plunges for nectar;
a middle-aged mess smokes cigar behind a gas station.

but i am the thing i'm missing.
chaos swims with the face's discolored
lumpy and insane
swollen and directionless
loverboy recycled around the sun again
scotch-taped dreams and jagged eyes.

open enough and you'll find the pearl
or stay at home
and you'll never know

girl

Sleep inside my night,
As a ward of my own head.

A branch of mine,
You lick the skies in my stead.

Got to be weird,
Doing things I'll never see

All your imaginary numbers
Have been teasing me.

But it's really no wonder
As you gather my periphery

That old buzzkill Lilith
Won't stop sh*ing in the sanctuary.

The pregnant stars turn to nature's fireworks
When a small orchestra of muscle touches them with virtuosic love~

Or it could even be accidental,
Poking holes loose in globes of light
Knocking some angels loose with a dusty old guitar.

Do you remember the songs i improvised
They could get impressive
Brilliant even

I forgot how it goes,
But at least someone heard it.

Gorelord sits atop his putrid pile
But the stench of his product is wrapped in a taut smile drizzled with aftershave
A tie drips blood from his neck like an intestine
Because he deals in the blood of men

His organs have become synonymous with a dark market:
He writes on living cadavers with a black marker
As long as he's writing in black
And keeps the red off his hands

From his point of vantage bulging eyes look for any cure to his empire of disease
These, men surround like silent tentacles
And dragged to the vault for dissection
That's the wrath of politics

Gossamer girl
That's a name for my silk-spun, dew-dropped world.

In the morning
Ornamented like a chandelier of death

Unprevented from yourself, you are per
and fect.

I was deep in my thoughts
And then I saw you again today
On the bus

I am jostled and nervous
I don't know what to expect
I am focused on your nose ring
And you saw my nervousness and you stroked it

Let me lock load and fire, aim again
Straight down the long road of your eyes
Tell me "boy you'll do, you'll do"
Let me feel you up
On the bus

Can we talk about
funny things

things we put in mason jars
left to rest
on our bedside tables,

and

never judge a guy by the state of his eyeliner,
he's just getting himself together still,

daydreams about squirrels and prospective film productions,

headsplitting laughter with devil dicked eyes,

we're just devil dicked guys,

my Grandma and I.

Cut my flesh and cut it into slivers
And twist them to a rose
I've become that fifth wheel of consciousness
Robert Smith turning 30 without ever having released an album
His musical passion, except muted choked and abandoned

I am the place where physics goes to die

I cannot prove who I think i am
I've read headlines about the ones who went off the rails

My organs have come together
To make something between art and happenstance
How confirmed your beauty is
And how subjective is the notion that I contain any at all

Mommy's a little
Turned away

She's always been a little
Turned away

Green eyes, forest eyes
Plunge through the undergrowth

Bright red blood keeping us alive.

The music Animalia enthralls and ignites
the legs to run, dancing over roots
Seeking fruit to survive.

Finding strong brown branches,
Perfect to climb.

And picking sweet citrus
From the clear blue sky.

there is a grey wall
and a stare
and there is not much more
of an answer right now,
what is the meaning
of life

There is a dessicated half
A grilled cheese sandwich
Underneath the stove
In my home

I really need to throw it away
I really shouldn't
Eat it.

sniff
.

the universe doesn't care for us all the same
his guts were splayed on the road
it shakes hands with you and it shakes bones with me
they got him, weaknesses mean destruction
when it gets right down in my head
when it gets right down to the road

you got to push, man, push as hard as you can
his guts were splayed on the ROAD
it always ***** to see 'em go but especially the good ones
they got him, weakness means DESTRUCTION
it always ***** with my head so bad when they go.
when it gets right down to the road

i swear i saw a frowning clown in the sky
his GUTS were SPLAYED ON THE ROAD
reflected in my silver lining
they GOT HIM. strengths and everything!
but it corroded black as a matter of fact
when it gets right down to the road.

his guts were splayed on the road
they got him, weakness meant destruction
when it gets right down to the road.

when it gets right down to the road,
you never know where your journey could take you.

You were never very good
At guitar

beating heart,
blinking eyes
breathing lungs,
gushing blood.

all out on the kitchen table,
ready for a meal.

Try again, find the fountain
Drink up your might
Will the self to live

Or to leave-- exhale
Subsist
Follow the easy path of the drop along the string
Into death,
Fold.

But muster strength, coordinate those chemical ropes
Focus them hard
Hope against hope,
Whatever that meant.

But know
That Frostian wisdom
As fall comes to find us
And the night's shade reminds us
Oh, really anything could.

That no gold thing can stay
Nor anything else
Even holes in our minds
Are anything else

I deserve more than death
I deserve to die over and over again
I have gone too far
I have said too much
And this wasted life
It burdens my soul

Forgive me for lamenting so,
Omegamale antics are at it again
The rain is leaking in
And I am so, oh
I am so cold.

Won't you stay
Out of harm's way?
With each little cell pointing north
They seem to cloak you in an aura
Dress you in a song
That's celebrating life

Carry the dear thing forward
And take care of your self and kind
And leave maps and symbols behind
To keep on the love wave

Stay out
Of harm's way
Please, unless you're evil
And you're about to **** us all
But that just speaks to the same point anyway
Anyway
Stay safe
And keep out
Of harm's way

I didn't realize how we have to work,
I must have blinded the child
I guess God's a *******
And the devil is worse.

There is no such thing as Matt Shaw

A dash of chaos from the manifest
We're filling in the blanks
The eternal dream, these rolling eyes
Falling through rotten floorboards

I miss when we were cute
Now I can see
Memory's just a vain attempt
To declare victory

But I fall asleep in angels' arms
Held sweetly in their gaze
Vaguely poisoned by inverted reasoning
And falling down with laurels

I can already hear the tide
Coming round the other side
"And you will have this all again,
All you need to do is die"

But deciding death wasn't easy
Most often it's a surprise
And spending your remainder
Well, does it even matter?

I pick at the skin wrapped around my whatever
It scares me, it feels too delicate
I miss when we were cute,
If only once
I'll see you again yesterday

We have one personality,
That's me.

We have one way to live,
That's me.

We have one dying wish,
That's me.

We have one religion,
That's me.

But there's a problem with science,
That's me.

And there is doubt in his voice.
That's me.

Because then who are you?
That's me.

And what is a choice?
That's me.

Here is where I cringe in the cradle,
Here are all the creatures fornicating on my back,
Black figurines working black to black
In this vignette I pray for a sudden urge to stay
To steady a vessel
Towards better days

The midnight shoreline makes a ****** edge in my mind
That black world of fornication is my clothing,
My nothing,
To her I am a black figurine
I spin stories in the night
Dark magic sparks from my fingers
Still alive with youth and vigor

I stare into the wall
Solid, banal
And I hope I get bored of it
Soon

Mercury,
Or Gabriel
Melt into the sun.

Laid down my life
I always die
By the time your message comes!

The singers on your sacred stage
Their gilded voices praise!
In sick lament
That honest vent
Without my agency.

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

Apollo just
Stopped by this place
About an hour ago

And Artemis
With a well aimed kiss
Has pursed her Cupid's bow

The sun does shine with a stranger right
Than it did yesterday
The thinnest slice of your promised death
They crushed you into rays

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

I WILL NOT BE YOUR SAVIOR
I WILL JUST BE ANOTHER
I AM PERPENDICULAR
NO FORCE CAN EVER HELP IT

AND THAT MEANS YOU CANT JUST WANT
TO BE-E A GOOD PERSON
THE SYSTEM LET YOU THINK IT
BUT IT WAS A SUSPENSION

OR I COULD BE YOUR SAVIOR
BUT THAT IS JUST A VERSION
DON'T MIND MY SICK AVERSION
I DON'T THINK I COULD HELP IT

And I'm playing the victim
And I'm being pre-emptive
And I'm reading The Trial
And I can't be corrective
Im aware of negation
I know why there is Lilith
I am being observant
You don't care you need to stop the evil

WELL I ******* GET IT

AND I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE EXCUSES
IF YOU NEED TO EXTERMINATE ME
WELL I GUESS JUST LET ME KNOWWWWWW OH OH

SOOOOOOOOOO

so head south
(Head south)
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Any message you send
Is for the bitter end
You're empty
And you know....

I know it hurts!

But the terminus
Is where your skin stops and the air starts
Someone else's air
That they've been breathing in
The air that we abuse.

The skin that we feel
Soft and pigmented
Fragile and squishy
Strong and meaningful
Riddled with nerve endings

I know it hurts!

But
It's where your decision stops
And God's incision starts
What you reap from that hallowed place
Where your head rocks,

It could be surgery,
Or... maybe not.

I know it hurts
Because I know it to hurt
When I enjoy a thing
The thing we were
Together strung
You're never wrong
Sometimes it hurts
I know it hurts.

//

You can't have a definition without very sharp edges
Think about what that means
When you reach the edge of our definition
The one we are upholding together right now
It will be a sharp edge

It's beautiful now, but it seems very harsh later.

I see the edges of shapes, and therefore,
I see what death has gotten life

You don't have to attribute the bounty of life to suffering and death

You could attribute it to another point of suffering

You don't even have to consider that there is a bounty of life
Or even that there is suffering
Or that there is life
Or that there is death

These semantic packets are all biasing
I guess just think for yourself
I feel like I'm misleading you
Now I feel so tiny and embarrassed xD

We'll have heaven for dinner.

We'll give our extra souls to the needy,
And we'll give them health, and food, and clothes.

I'll stop whining, you'll give the form of a woman
And we will spend Time
We will talk about the strange new world after quantum physics
We will make music and watch variables change
We will get tired of questioning form itself

Everything will be perfect.
We'll have heaven for dinner.

And when we are done,
We'll have Hell for dessert.

Wax on our fingertips,
Glitter on your cheeks.

What's it like to be you?

We were in a cardboard box in the backyard,
In between the autumn leaves

The smell of construction paper
And sticks of glue.

I wondered alone,
What's it like to be you?

It's pink and it's blue.

Your bones are so slight,
And mine are just plain.

At first an aversion
Now the spike of my brain.

I don't know why I want to kiss you,
I just do.

But what's it like to be you?

Passions thrummed inside my veins
One of trillions wondering things
Then suddenly you culminate
And like a feather you float within my fate
Lost in my pupils, they dilate.

And suddenly, I know what it's like to be you.

I put on the cat ears and do my thing.

I cut my skin,
I show up late.

I killed myself for Babs and Kate.

The stuttered monologuing State.

The emo kid without a shape
My personality, obliviate
The 29 year old I macerate

That's okay, I hate this poem,
That's okay
I hate this poem
That's okay
I hate this poem
That's okay
That's okay

That'******>

When she feels ready,
Nature draws the cool blue element from my blood swiftly and gorgeously.

I have tried to do the same
But I struggle hard, and miss the vein.

I beseech her at night
Digging hard with thoughts of Might
Then drawing back
And let cooing music overtake me
With quiet hums of meditation.

I let the red betrayal banner blow, concealed in my moonlit cloud
I let the navy river swim
And bubble all alone.

I let the morning light begin,
And pull it all the same.
I let the song come tumbling out
Like stones from heaven's gates.

Soggy thoughts of human currency
Faulty braces to hold up my face
Years coming too fast down the assembly line.

Accusation-men with electric rods restrict my motion
Tears I buried in the pit of my stomach
Faulty braces holding up the sky
That... eternal smile

I know the evening news has you on edge

But I swear to god I haven't given up my pledge

It's a work uniform, a work uniform
and shoes
So heavy in my backpack

I am riding my bike to work

It's not a gun

i'm rick james
*****

Hello
Are you there
Where did your heart go?

Everything must pour in from a strange place,
Frothing there,
Bubbling and beating there
Making music in my head
That feels too dear.

Even happiness is laced with death,
Even when it isn't felt
But pooling up inside this man's life was a pretty fortune
Even just looking around.

But why so honed in on him?
I struggle to understand the specificity of consciousness
What the simplex truly is,
And what belies duality.

How I got here

The strange places have meaning to the human.

My emotions swell in my head
Evolutionary tools
Hollowed out by sharp Cerebrus
Leaving me feeling raw and ashamed

But alive

And thankful

So let's get along,
Let's love each other.

Let's make this as easy and good a thing as it can be.

Now we see
We were just silly monkeys

And now
We are something else
Something paler
Something clicked
And we will never be the same again.

Oh, what a terrible fate awaits our future kin
My heart aches and swoons to think of them
My love goes out to them...

We will all have to die some day
Let's paint with color,
Let's kiss from the marrow.

Along something we call entropy,
I wonder what else there can be.
This feels good, but I don't know why.
The sky the sky the eye and why

cup of tea, extra honey
another cigarette
bitter, languid days

gonna get a new job

The fields are fertile,
The air and sea are clean,
And you and I have much to do here.

Look out and away from the sadness inside you.

Provide for the tribe.

Carry your dreams in that crazy basket til dusk calls us back to the sea.

If I painted you a mural in the sky
Imbued with this love of mine
Could it touch you, untainted
By the steady seep of lies?

They seem to find us anywhere
Like little snakes in grass
The grass that is our mouth and hands
And which surrounds us as we pass.

But whenever I'm with you
My eyes are steady as the sun
I never stop to second guess the one.

The sun that holds us all together
Gingerly between
A fatal radiation
Where beauty can be seen

And felt, reverberations
Of the aforementioned grace
I contemplate here in your arms
Here, where I found your face.

He's gonna take me to
Outer space
Our moonwalk
Will be
What they talk about
For decades

He's gonna write
Such a captivating story
All the people will glow
They won't ever have to worry
If the blood spilled the right way
If potential was wasted
If we spawned several horrors
When everything tasted

He will set forth
Such wonderful music
No curse could affect
Based on the person who wrote it

He's gonna rescue me
You'll see, you'll see
He will

He's just waiting for the right time

Life is so awkward when you didn't get kicked out,
You just banged your way out of the house

When you wear black eyeliner and carry everything on your back into the woods,
No not at the same time.

When you don't give a **** what people think about you but you struggle with your speech
When sometimes you cut like sooooo deep

When you lash out bash out crash out just about anything for no apparent reason
Other than to say I'm suffering
But they wonder why you said that.

When your reactions seem obvious but look strange,
Life is so awkward.

Life is so awkward since you did all that.

Back when i was innocent
I laughed so hard i cracked a rib

And that
was how i died

Seed of life, seed of death:
All the twisted people swim
With their twisted little faces
On their twisted big brains

Connected by twisting nerves.
I see happy people, worried people
Despondent people, broken people
Cool people, smelly people
Hard-working and lazy people...

None of them know why they're here.

Now I'm working at the grocery store.
I'm wondering if the 80's happened
As I pick a cabbage from the wet wall and put it in a bag
And I'm saddened by the idea that all these people have a reason to hate me
Because I know
I'm the ******* star at the center of their universe.

They are cells of my body, full and devoid of purpose
Angry when I scratch my back
Seed of life, seed of death.

They are experiences held away from nothing by a certain tension
And you can feel the tension everywhere you go
Seed of life and death.

You didn't want to understand it, but now you do, and you can't go back...

And every year seems more brazen and the Chinese side of me itches

And the American side of me itches

And the whole planet just itches with death as it crawls toward itself
And clambering over itself
And the people wear their different clothes like excuses to be alive
Like they are trying to hide their nakedness
Like they want to distract me from the great ineptitude of Spirit!

We speak languages we don't know, do you think because you'd want to?
We exist divided
Bent against each other and ***** for collision
Worse than that, we don't even exist!
And all the details are just nonsense,
Reeling, unsure of their own identities
Or maybe clothed in white linen and kept safe from desolation,
What a gay promise that turned out to be!

I start to think it was me who twisted all the people,
But I'm twisting too
And I just want to straighten everything out,
Make it all okay
And I start to get scared because there are surgeons but I'm not a surgeon.

I pick up something a customer dropped in the produce section, next to the neat piles of citrus.
OH THAT'S KIND OF YOU

Yes, hello. You are ... kind of... me.
Have we always been this way?
Is it really the same every time?
Can Jesus help us, or Mohammad, or maybe the Buddha or a fireman?

Maybe a gecko that sells car insurance?

I start to worry because I've seen videos of impoverished people, or people with bad health conditions
And I worry I'm not appreciating the status of apex predator enough
I'm not jerking off enough--
How do you glorify God?
I stop my cart to let the elderly lady pass in front of me.
The bag of potatoes I'm holding bumps into my selfish ... didn't happen.

Heading towards the grocery aisles I'm thinking about concordances of self
And how it makes sense that there are stars
And celebrities
And I wonder, am I looking at how happy I was to kiss my high school girlfriend?
Am I looking at a personified version of myself telling a good joke,
Just lensed through the cosmos?
Or am I a future celebrity
Oh, but I don't want to be
Because I'd have to be worse than Adolf ******!
No... no, I couldn't be...
But yet it exists.

We don't exist. Just listen to Glass Animals. You can tell, it's weird.
You're so arbitrary without being arbitrary at all.
You're so full of odium while also being made of pure empathy.
You're giving me looks in the aisles again. You probably just said something I was thinking for the second time that day. You always respond to my thoughts these days...
I feel like you make me look at you so you can have a reason to **** me.
Nowadays when you smile at me it feels like I hired you to.

Nowadays when a family passes me I have to feel guilty, I'm a creepy man, I can't admire them.

There is no good ending to this poem, and I doubt I'll come back and finish it. I'm not trying to be like allen ginsberg and besides

Who's really reading this **** anyway...

I used to burn even.

I watched the mutation in horror
in the mirror
what once was smooth has blistered and cracked
what was jet black is a crumpled gray

my personality grew cancers

you don't know how badly i want to join in triumphantly
sing with some passion about something meaningful to me
write something that excites you
pull you in like i used to pull in lovers by the waist

but i found myself shallow
rubbed raw by my own whine
oh, he fell off

now i'm just pulling you into my mess

and i'm not even doing it eloquently

some day i will write something good again
some day i will make masterful music

i just
might have to die first

Something broke inside the sky
I think it's me
I don't know why
Don't throw out those twinkling lights
Nevermind, they let me down

I remember every time
You heaped it on
Or squeezed it out
Stop pretending i forgot
We'll do it all again some other time

I don't know how **** got this way
But i don't feel the same anymore
Dash whatever i thought i had
You know every, better door

I say hello to my warrior
She's only fighting hard to keep the peace
She is the space that reverberates
Between adventure and a family

Nobody's ever sure just how to live
Nobody knows just what a god can give
Nobody wants to die
But I would die for you
Though I can't consecrate my body now

And what I wanna know is
How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

Am I fool to think you saturate
My senses with a fine and fleeting love?
What am I chasing here beyond these gates
That are so cut off with a flaming sword?

And are we fighting now?
Or are we deep in love?
Am I a shallow man,
Beneath the depths above?

And as we wrestle this
Who are we fighting for?
Now it's just you and me
We're fused to every broken door

How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

How are you real?
Well, you're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

I will be the
Next space
That you walk into

I can be the
Next space
That you will walk into

And I will love you truly
This is forever on high

How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

And how are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

How are you real?
Well, you're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex

You can blame me.
I know where that started,
I can tell you the story.

I'd stand trial and tell you.
You'd call me sick.
You'd pray for my suffering.

I didn't want these distortions to exist.
But I really understand where each illness comes from.
I could tell you.

I could explain it to you.

I have intuitive understanding
Even medical information that comes newly
Even learning of catastrophes in history
It comes with epistemological little tags
I see the angels in each instance
An over-arching structure

To a certain extent these things contradict themselves, but ultimately
We do have a certain shape and definition
By the time this is over, yes
We have a very specific shape
The only shape
No it does not go on forever
But technically yes it does

But no... there are no Star Wars happening here.

Whether it is perfect or the most horrible thing
That depends on the moment
I can tell you where each of these sufferings come from
But my answers might be strange

Tell me,
How do you feel about it?
The expression of feelings
Is a powerful force in the world.

And surely,
It will shape its twisted face.