A dash of chaos from the manifest
We're filling in the blanks
The eternal dream, these rolling eyes
Falling through rotten floorboards

I miss when we were cute
Now I can see
Memory's just a vain attempt
To declare victory

But I fall asleep in angels' arms
Held sweetly in their gaze
Vaguely poisoned by inverted reasoning
And falling down with laurels

I can already hear the tide
Coming round the other side
"And you will have this all again,
All you need to do is die"

But deciding death wasn't easy
Most often it's a surprise
And spending your remainder
Well, does it even matter?

I pick at the skin wrapped around my whatever
It scares me, it feels too delicate
I miss when we were cute,
If only once
I'll see you again yesterday

We have one personality,
That's me.

We have one way to live,
That's me.

We have one dying wish,
That's me.

We have one religion,
That's me.

But there's a problem with science,
That's me.

And there is doubt in his voice.
That's me.

Because then who are you?
That's me.

And what is a choice?
That's me.

Here is where I cringe in the cradle,
Here are all the creatures fornicating on my back,
Black figurines working black to black
In this vignette I pray for a sudden urge to stay
To steady a vessel
Towards better days

The midnight shoreline makes a ****** edge in my mind
That black world of fornication is my clothing,
My nothing,
To her I am a black figurine
I spin stories in the night
Dark magic sparks from my fingers
Still alive with youth and vigor

I stare into the wall
Solid, banal
And I hope I get bored of it
Soon

Mercury,
Or Gabriel
Melt into the sun.

Laid down my life
I always die
By the time your message comes!

The singers on your sacred stage
Their gilded voices praise!
In sick lament
That honest vent
Without my agency.

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

Apollo just
Stopped by this place
About an hour ago

And Artemis
With a well aimed kiss
Has pursed her Cupid's bow

The sun does shine with a stranger right
Than it did yesterday
The thinnest slice of your promised death
They crushed you into rays

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

I WILL NOT BE YOUR SAVIOR
I WILL JUST BE ANOTHER
I AM PERPENDICULAR
NO FORCE CAN EVER HELP IT

AND THAT MEANS YOU CANT JUST WANT
TO BE-E A GOOD PERSON
THE SYSTEM LET YOU THINK IT
BUT IT WAS A SUSPENSION

OR I COULD BE YOUR SAVIOR
BUT THAT IS JUST A VERSION
DON'T MIND MY SICK AVERSION
I DON'T THINK I COULD HELP IT

And I'm playing the victim
And I'm being pre-emptive
And I'm reading The Trial
And I can't be corrective
Im aware of negation
I know why there is Lilith
I am being observant
You don't care you need to stop the evil

WELL I ******* GET IT

AND I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE EXCUSES
IF YOU NEED TO EXTERMINATE ME
WELL I GUESS JUST LET ME KNOWWWWWW OH OH

SOOOOOOOOOO

so head south
(Head south)
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Any message you send
Is for the bitter end
You're empty
And you know....

I know it hurts!

But the terminus
Is where your skin stops and the air starts
Someone else's air
That they've been breathing in
The air that we abuse.

The skin that we feel
Soft and pigmented
Fragile and squishy
Strong and meaningful
Riddled with nerve endings

I know it hurts!

But
It's where your decision stops
And God's incision starts
What you reap from that hallowed place
Where your head rocks,

It could be surgery,
Or... maybe not.

I know it hurts
Because I know it to hurt
When I enjoy a thing
The thing we were
Together strung
You're never wrong
Sometimes it hurts
I know it hurts.

//

You can't have a definition without very sharp edges
Think about what that means
When you reach the edge of our definition
The one we are upholding together right now
It will be a sharp edge

It's beautiful now, but it seems very harsh later.

I see the edges of shapes, and therefore,
I see what death has gotten life

You don't have to attribute the bounty of life to suffering and death

You could attribute it to another point of suffering

You don't even have to consider that there is a bounty of life
Or even that there is suffering
Or that there is life
Or that there is death

These semantic packets are all biasing
I guess just think for yourself
I feel like I'm misleading you
Now I feel so tiny and embarrassed xD

We'll have heaven for dinner.

We'll give our extra souls to the needy,
And we'll give them health, and food, and clothes.

I'll stop whining, you'll give the form of a woman
And we will spend Time
We will talk about the strange new world after quantum physics
We will make music and watch variables change
We will get tired of questioning form itself

Everything will be perfect.
We'll have heaven for dinner.

And when we are done,
We'll have Hell for dessert.

Wax on our fingertips,
Glitter on your cheeks.

What's it like to be you?

We were in a cardboard box in the backyard,
In between the autumn leaves

The smell of construction paper
And sticks of glue.

I wondered alone,
What's it like to be you?

It's pink and it's blue.

Your bones are so slight,
And mine are just plain.

At first an aversion
Now the spike of my brain.

I don't know why I want to kiss you,
I just do.

But what's it like to be you?

Passions thrummed inside my veins
One of trillions wondering things
Then suddenly you culminate
And like a feather you float within my fate
Lost in my pupils, they dilate.

And suddenly, I know what it's like to be you.

I put on the cat ears and do my thing.

I cut my skin,
I show up late.

I killed myself for Babs and Kate.

The stuttered monologuing State.

The emo kid without a shape
My personality, obliviate
The 29 year old I macerate

That's okay, I hate this poem,
That's okay
I hate this poem
That's okay
I hate this poem
That's okay
That's okay

That'******>

When she feels ready,
Nature draws the cool blue element from my blood swiftly and gorgeously.

I have tried to do the same
But I struggle hard, and miss the vein.

I beseech her at night
Digging hard with thoughts of Might
Then drawing back
And let cooing music overtake me
With quiet hums of meditation.

I let the red betrayal banner blow, concealed in my moonlit cloud
I let the navy river swim
And bubble all alone.

I let the morning light begin,
And pull it all the same.
I let the song come tumbling out
Like stones from heaven's gates.

Soggy thoughts of human currency
Faulty braces to hold up my face
Years coming too fast down the assembly line.

Accusation-men with electric rods restrict my motion
Tears I buried in the pit of my stomach
Faulty braces holding up the sky
That... eternal smile

I know the evening news has you on edge

But I swear to god I haven't given up my pledge

It's a work uniform, a work uniform
and shoes
So heavy in my backpack

I am riding my bike to work

It's not a gun

i'm rick james
*****

Hello
Are you there
Where did your heart go?

Everything must pour in from a strange place,
Frothing there,
Bubbling and beating there
Making music in my head
That feels too dear.

Even happiness is laced with death,
Even when it isn't felt
But pooling up inside this man's life was a pretty fortune
Even just looking around.

But why so honed in on him?
I struggle to understand the specificity of consciousness
What the simplex truly is,
And what belies duality.

How I got here

The strange places have meaning to the human.

My emotions swell in my head
Evolutionary tools
Hollowed out by sharp Cerebrus
Leaving me feeling raw and ashamed

But alive

And thankful

So let's get along,
Let's love each other.

Let's make this as easy and good a thing as it can be.

Now we see
We were just silly monkeys

And now
We are something else
Something paler
Something clicked
And we will never be the same again.

Oh, what a terrible fate awaits our future kin
My heart aches and swoons to think of them
My love goes out to them...

We will all have to die some day
Let's paint with color,
Let's kiss from the marrow.

Along something we call entropy,
I wonder what else there can be.
This feels good, but I don't know why.
The sky the sky the eye and why

cup of tea, extra honey
another cigarette
bitter, languid days

gonna get a new job

The fields are fertile,
The air and sea are clean,
And you and I have much to do here.

Look out and away from the sadness inside you.

Provide for the tribe.

Carry your dreams in that crazy basket til dusk calls us back to the sea.

If I painted you a mural in the sky
Imbued with this love of mine
Could it touch you, untainted
By the steady seep of lies?

They seem to find us anywhere
Like little snakes in grass
The grass that is our mouth and hands
And which surrounds us as we pass.

But whenever I'm with you
My eyes are steady as the sun
I never stop to second guess the one.

The sun that holds us all together
Gingerly between
A fatal radiation
Where beauty can be seen

And felt, reverberations
Of the aforementioned grace
I contemplate here in your arms
Here, where I found your face.

He's gonna take me to
Outer space
Our moonwalk
Will be
What they talk about
For decades

He's gonna write
Such a captivating story
All the people will glow
They won't ever have to worry
If the blood spilled the right way
If potential was wasted
If we spawned several horrors
When everything tasted

He will set forth
Such wonderful music
No curse could affect
Based on the person who wrote it

He's gonna rescue me
You'll see, you'll see
He will

He's just waiting for the right time

Life is so awkward when you didn't get kicked out,
You just banged your way out of the house

When you wear black eyeliner and carry everything on your back into the woods,
No not at the same time.

When you don't give a **** what people think about you but you struggle with your speech
When sometimes you cut like sooooo deep

When you lash out bash out crash out just about anything for no apparent reason
Other than to say I'm suffering
But they wonder why you said that.

When your reactions seem obvious but look strange,
Life is so awkward.

Life is so awkward since you did all that.

Back when i was innocent
I laughed so hard i cracked a rib

And that
was how i died

Seed of life, seed of death:
All the twisted people swim
With their twisted little faces
On their twisted big brains

Connected by twisting nerves.
I see happy people, worried people
Despondent people, broken people
Cool people, smelly people
Hard-working and lazy people...

None of them know why they're here.

Now I'm working at the grocery store.
I'm wondering if the 80's happened
As I pick a cabbage from the wet wall and put it in a bag
And I'm saddened by the idea that all these people have a reason to hate me
Because I know
I'm the ******* star at the center of their universe.

They are cells of my body, full and devoid of purpose
Angry when I scratch my back
Seed of life, seed of death.

They are experiences held away from nothing by a certain tension
And you can feel the tension everywhere you go
Seed of life and death.

You didn't want to understand it, but now you do, and you can't go back...

And every year seems more brazen and the Chinese side of me itches

And the American side of me itches

And the whole planet just itches with death as it crawls toward itself
And clambering over itself
And the people wear their different clothes like excuses to be alive
Like they are trying to hide their nakedness
Like they want to distract me from the great ineptitude of Spirit!

We speak languages we don't know, do you think because you'd want to?
We exist divided
Bent against each other and ***** for collision
Worse than that, we don't even exist!
And all the details are just nonsense,
Reeling, unsure of their own identities
Or maybe clothed in white linen and kept safe from desolation,
What a gay promise that turned out to be!

I start to think it was me who twisted all the people,
But I'm twisting too
And I just want to straighten everything out,
Make it all okay
And I start to get scared because there are surgeons but I'm not a surgeon.

I pick up something a customer dropped in the produce section, next to the neat piles of citrus.
OH THAT'S KIND OF YOU

Yes, hello. You are ... kind of... me.
Have we always been this way?
Is it really the same every time?
Can Jesus help us, or Mohammad, or maybe the Buddha or a fireman?

Maybe a gecko that sells car insurance?

I start to worry because I've seen videos of impoverished people, or people with bad health conditions
And I worry I'm not appreciating the status of apex predator enough
I'm not jerking off enough--
How do you glorify God?
I stop my cart to let the elderly lady pass in front of me.
The bag of potatoes I'm holding bumps into my selfish ... didn't happen.

Heading towards the grocery aisles I'm thinking about concordances of self
And how it makes sense that there are stars
And celebrities
And I wonder, am I looking at how happy I was to kiss my high school girlfriend?
Am I looking at a personified version of myself telling a good joke,
Just lensed through the cosmos?
Or am I a future celebrity
Oh, but I don't want to be
Because I'd have to be worse than Adolf ******!
No... no, I couldn't be...
But yet it exists.

We don't exist. Just listen to Glass Animals. You can tell, it's weird.
You're so arbitrary without being arbitrary at all.
You're so full of odium while also being made of pure empathy.
You're giving me looks in the aisles again. You probably just said something I was thinking for the second time that day. You always respond to my thoughts these days...
I feel like you make me look at you so you can have a reason to **** me.
Nowadays when you smile at me it feels like I hired you to.

Nowadays when a family passes me I have to feel guilty, I'm a creepy man, I can't admire them.

There is no good ending to this poem, and I doubt I'll come back and finish it. I'm not trying to be like allen ginsberg and besides

Who's really reading this **** anyway...

I used to burn even.

I watched the mutation in horror
in the mirror
what once was smooth has blistered and cracked
what was jet black is a crumpled gray

my personality grew cancers

you don't know how badly i want to join in triumphantly
sing with some passion about something meaningful to me
write something that excites you
pull you in like i used to pull in lovers by the waist

but i found myself shallow
rubbed raw by my own whine
oh, he fell off

now i'm just pulling you into my mess

and i'm not even doing it eloquently

some day i will write something good again
some day i will make masterful music

i just
might have to die first

Something broke inside the sky
I think it's me
I don't know why
Don't throw out those twinkling lights
Nevermind, they let me down

I remember every time
You heaped it on
Or squeezed it out
Stop pretending i forgot
We'll do it all again some other time

I don't know how **** got this way
But i don't feel the same anymore
Dash whatever i thought i had
You know every, better door

I say hello to my warrior
She's only fighting hard to keep the peace
She is the space that reverberates
Between adventure and a family

Nobody's ever sure just how to live
Nobody knows just what a god can give
Nobody wants to die
But I would die for you
Though I can't consecrate my body now

And what I wanna know is
How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

Am I fool to think you saturate
My senses with a fine and fleeting love?
What am I chasing here beyond these gates
That are so cut off with a flaming sword?

And are we fighting now?
Or are we deep in love?
Am I a shallow man,
Beneath the depths above?

And as we wrestle this
Who are we fighting for?
Now it's just you and me
We're fused to every broken door

How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

How are you real?
Well, you're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

I will be the
Next space
That you walk into

I can be the
Next space
That you will walk into

And I will love you truly
This is forever on high

How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

And how are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex!

How are you real?
Well, you're giving me a complex!

How are you real?
You have been giving me a complex

You can blame me.
I know where that started,
I can tell you the story.

I'd stand trial and tell you.
You'd call me sick.
You'd pray for my suffering.

I didn't want these distortions to exist.
But I really understand where each illness comes from.
I could tell you.

I could explain it to you.

I have intuitive understanding
Even medical information that comes newly
Even learning of catastrophes in history
It comes with epistemological little tags
I see the angels in each instance
An over-arching structure

To a certain extent these things contradict themselves, but ultimately
We do have a certain shape and definition
By the time this is over, yes
We have a very specific shape
The only shape
No it does not go on forever
But technically yes it does

But no... there are no Star Wars happening here.

Whether it is perfect or the most horrible thing
That depends on the moment
I can tell you where each of these sufferings come from
But my answers might be strange

Tell me,
How do you feel about it?
The expression of feelings
Is a powerful force in the world.

And surely,
It will shape its twisted face.

void careless
rock-star dreams
hopeless probation
fuzzy American ethics
loom secret command star
surrounded by angers
told i'm sick -- growth on track!
rising up to an unknown home
craves attention
can't sleep
need money, poor family
turning 23
need to become a rock-star
void careless

Seated in your cortex
You are excused for a time
By molecules of destiny--

Hallelujah.

Mr. Crowley,
Wyrd and wonderful
Mr. Feynman
Precise, boisterous, and exquisite
***** Wonka,
Pay him a visit.

Because I've got a golden ticket.

Encased by the left and right,
Hanging down in particular symmetry
Operate that scintillating organism!
Humming with treasured melody

Thanks for your music,
and who knows why?
Good fortune is here,
But don't worry, darling

It will all be washed away.

I live in a dug-out hollow
I ride on a worked-out groove
Corpore hominibus alterorum
Dropping giant Clothespins

Hae res manuum
Little flowers
Balloons, sized instruments
Living in The Shire

It's so nice in the summer

We built a cute little habitat

Shame on us for being anything
But quaint, happy beings!

When searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I found a sturdy pedestal of sorts:
That solid fact of history
Yggdrasil in the Earth.

But the strangest echo came
From the miracle of birth.

And down the path behind
The common pattern wants to blur.

And from this evolution
Predictive thought emerged.

So in searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I stood upon this pedestal, of course
I looked out into the future
And saw that I'm a fool.

Convention makes a man
Into a tool.

We see this is
The only thing we'd do,

But still we're something new
And it keeps us all in school.

When searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I feel this strangest paradox arise.
I feel the itch inside my rolling eye.

The meaning of my thoughts--
Of course it wants to burst
I want to know what else
Is universed.

I'll turn you off
So it doesn't hurt-hurt
Hurt you as much
To, to turn the lights off
Lookin' for grace, i

Will turn you off
So that it doesn't hurt you
Hurt you so much
To turn the lights off.

I have spent my whole life thinking and wondering
Never really living.

I don't know if you can be trusted
To have children.

But I'm here and I'm queer
I'm not leaving til it's over
Lucky me, I'm all crimson and clover

Take me there, take me down and berate me
Twist my arm, hold me down and just hate me

I am not the reason.

I'll turn you off
So it doesn't hurt-hurt
Hurt you as much
To, to turn the lights off
Lookin' for grace, i

Will turn you off
So that it doesn't hurt you
Hurt you so much
To turn the lights off.

Don't be such a ******* now,
You've got a nasty attitude
Don't you tell me you don't have a choice
We said you do

So you go off on your crazy rants
I don't care, not in the mood
Well I'm the one who wears the pants now
Babe, we're both getting *******

And I am not the reason

I'll turn you off
So it doesn't hurt-hurt
Hurt you as much
To, to turn the lights off
Lookin' for grace, i

Will turn you off
So that it doesn't hurt you
Hurt you so much
To turn the lights off.

You're so whiny
Hey you're so whiny!
You're too sensitive
Well you're the reason!
You're a loser
No you're a loser
I'll take you out of this world!

I'll turn you off
So it doesn't hurt-hurt
Hurt you as much (if I hurt you, baby)
To, to turn the lights off
Lookin' for grace, i

Will turn you off (well I said I'm sorry)
So that it doesn't hurt you
Hurt you so much (we're both sorry, baby)
To turn the lights off. (Now i'm SORRY)

You could take me down for my lack of culture,
I haven't read,
I'm not practiced or professional enough,
I'm just such an ogre.

But baby, I'm the reason for the season.

You don't get Marx without me.

You don't get Sartre without me.

And you don't get paid without me, babycakes. Hah.

Maybe I should have done some things differently here or there, but there's really no metric to judge that notion against so we're kind of mucked on that front.

However suffering, like everything else, has to have a shape and a color to it. The fallout of my love is going to find its way into my senses and to the middle of my brain whether I like it or not. You could say it builds character, but I think it just destroys it.

Remember that I write, girl. I don't really read all that much.

I am the man who reads the burning book.

Stop looking at me funny.

i'd like to apologize to anything i've ever said i loved,
for the more horrid form of suicide which i have committed,
and am committing right this very moment,
and that is letting yourself go.

now my love means something strange
and for each diluting moment it spends in purgatory,
it feels more half-assed.

can you tell when we're chilling and smoking after the party,
and my eyes stay furrowed the whole time,
never rising to a round and even conclusion?
i think god's got me on a string
and it's attached right between my eyes,
i'm always worried about something
trying not too list too hard to the side
trying to engaging,
fun.

i'll do better next time.

I bear the child of ****.
I only want what you can't give me
The fissure grows in my wombless corpse
I am a man who is a cursed woman
Male genitalia are just selfish weapons

I bear the child of ****
It is not an ordinary child
It an evil thing that should not exist
When you are all perfect
My child and I are mistakes
Bearing a kind of impossible stigma

You always have your reasons but it's always unbased
The power you wield over me is out of place
Stop boasting, stop acting like you're stooping to treat me nice

I bear the child of ****
God's act of kindness was a selfish thought
I never wanted everything I got
I bear the child of ****
I bear the child of ****
I bear the child of ****

Can't you see we're just animals,
Haphazard,
Sprawling out ends into endless space,
Flailing arms and working hands,
Working gravity to grave?

But still I think:
The thing I pine for is the god
The pining inside me,
The god inside me,
Who is nothing and everything.

Th' infinity I must capture
And finally set free.

The life I love
Is the death I'll choke.
I must love
What is free.

did i catch you flying past?
wonder woven in your breast
with leaves like folded feathers
and slopes like
sleeping doves?

did i miss something you said?
nothing ever seemed so sad
as the day i turned away
from your love.

i slung a string of sour words
in a blind and seething rage
then one day i stumbled out into the sun

curses stuck between my teeth,
i saw a sea of porcelain cheeks
and i would die
if i could just turn one.

If my heart was a red wheelbarrow
If my hands were like leaves that shake
If my head was a pile of stones here
If my red wheelbarrow breaks...

If my love was a problem for us
If a force was the way to go
Is it wrong that we feel enjoyment,
As we drown him in the lake?

I am not the one who's
In control,
Although they say it helps
To frame as partial.

The world's a toy but now it's
Getting old
And I just
Think integrity is integral.

If my heart was refrigerators
If my eyes were like TV screens
If my hands turn to alligators
Would you still lay love down on me?

I am not the one who's
Medical
I guess I'm lucky but I'll never really know

I was a boy and now it's
Getting old
But I am not the one who's in control.

If my heart was a red wheelbarrow
If my hands were like leaves and snakes
If my head was a pile of stones here
If my red wheelbarrow breaks...

If my heart was a red wheelbarrow
If my hands were ...
If my head was a pile of ...
If my red wheelbarrow breaks...

If my red wheelbarrow breaks...

deranged scream

IF MY RED WHEELBARROW BREAKS

Must've done something wrong
The rock stands in the water
Heavy streams pushes by
I thought I heard voices talking about me

But it was not just the stream
There are voices talking about me
Building up a case, like in Kafka's book
Me, and what I did wrong

But I haven't done anything wrong,
I was born and everything just followed.

So shut the **** up.

I'm really not
Anything special
I have smart or sharp edges
But that's just a shape
We're all just shapes
We all live and die
Dream go unrealized
Every day,
I decay.
Oh well.

I don't know what the f--- I'm leading
It's been ten break-downs and eyes are bleeding
And my conscience fractured through
I don't know what the h--- to do

This makes no sense
And there's a shallow edge to governance
And it cuts me like a blade
But maybe someone good could have it made

And would you fight for me
Would you fight for me
Would you fight for us,
Just fight for you

Because I'm feeling down
But maybe you can hold a tune

A fool's eyes survey you,
Then flicker away
In sudden retreat

You are too beautiful
And my mind quakes,
My skin sweats

When you were writhing in pain
I was wandering around, cursing at the sky.

You were too beautiful
To be in so much pain,
And I
Was too idle,
Absent.

But the stars keep burning in the sky.
How do you think
I should spend my time?

lol why did i say **** all of you

You are flocks of wrinkled hospital gowns, flying to the junkyard
You are memories of good ***
You are cigarettes dropping from speeding cars
You are the wind, you hear no regrets

You are passed out in the back of dive bars
You move hordes and cities with words
You are chemicals mixing and seething
You were innocent, crushed by the law

You are paradox whirling and singing
You're a judge, that's the best you can do
You are a red wheelbarrow, a sick young girl, and a doctor who writes poems

You are dead to me, dead to me.
You are dead to me, dead.

Let's all do DMT and lose our minds
We all have to kiss the world goodbye
Sometime

But this will be an odd sort of french kiss,
Where your tongue is consciousness
And the infinite depth of the universe is her mouth

Leave your darling body behind,
That carnal carnival will go still far below you
And you'll be an astronaut on a distant planet
Where there are no clothes
To take off

Find the sweet magenta meaning of everything
Bite into it, feel the juice run down your chin
And just as soon return to Earth
And your kin

I seen you around yeah...
Flicking round those plastic cards
Fiddling around with instruments
Romanticizing reproduction, and
Burning gas
To go fast
In your a u t o m o b i l e .

I never really was too impressed.
I've found better company in clouds,
And dogs,
In leaves of grass

In birds
And turds
And wilderness

In trails,
Off trails,
Way out of town

...Somewhere where you're not around.

//

Pt. 2

You seem to look at me and shrug,
So why should I not do the same?
We've had such awful things to say.
And love, it seems just trite,
And fake.

I don't read your stuff, Jack
I read only the colors of the wind
Sensation is nauseating to me
Or maybe I am just jealous

Maybe I am avoiding the heavy envy in my stomach
That I feel when I watch you perform
And the alienated feeling I get
When I talk to someone so cultured and informed

And they'll eye me sourly like an ugly beast
They'll look down on me for my ignorance and raw emotion

I just watch these dumb videos
I **** myself by killing time
I avoid without understanding why

Beautiful things happen in my life
And i don't tell anyone about them.

A leaf blew across my backyard
And got stuck on the trunk of a maple tree.

You will die too, and so I feel alright.
I just get so sick of myself sometimes.

And someone this boyish can not age too well,
And you don't send an honest artist to jail like that,
You just don't.

Oh, send your roots down
Down deep, into the earth
Past the rocks, into soil
They won't mind if you move them a little.

Set your sprigs in the air!
Let instructions do the work
We have seen what you do
With the drops of rain and light...

I like to think of you alone
Growing tall somewhere without me
A perfect hero of my imagination

But in the fall it's all too clear:
The colors of your leaves
Are wrenched out
By the gravity of a witness

Because they do nothing for you.
A happy grace for my eyes
They are like dinner plates

I know I've had misgivings
The look on my face is called misgivings
Where I hope heaven has a string that's pulling on my brow,
Because if I'm just holding up this arch for nothing,
I'm gonna collapse way down,
Way way down without a sound

The fear of this becoming me stalls me out
Grows tumors of similar stories
And if I can't be king,
Then cut it out.

bizarre
dedicated to the cause
a team player
coming through at times like dynamite
striking lightning into the hearts of demons
masturbatory and inspiring
the collective soul, the self dividing
come find solace in my broken heart
i have installed the most spectacular
stained-glass windows

No one ever told me my heart would be cold by the time it set its fire,
A perplexing trade she makes
In infinite value to discrete sensation

Science only serves to complicate the scaffolding around my heart,
And my blood shrieks for purpose.

I stoke my territory wherever I go,
Walking around in an idle circle
I'm at the transportation center in Norristown

I wear the nice clothes of the age, waiting for a bus
Heading home from a drug test
We are exchanging quiet words in my corner of the world
She strokes what I am with what I am not
She tells me I'm handsome, tells me she likes my shoes

The air tells me I'm overdramatic, I swear she permeates me
Swear she knows my innermost thoughts

And all around bums are begging
Rock stars are boiling
Killers are killing
And everything is happening,
Going straight through my heart...

And yet I'll tell you my heart feels cold.

At times