Folly
comes in many flavors.

My sinews are torn,
My veins a pulp
A mess of hair and fragments of skull

I did this myself
I wanted to be
A human once,
You disagreed.

But you and I, we curled into
A single string
And pulled it through
We're one and two
And three and more
We're everything
And ever more.

And strange arrived up to a stop
Here riding on a moment's top
Abstracted, pinned onto the wall
Life became
Something odd
That's all

Me and my friends,
We all lost touch
I guess you probably think it didn't matter much
But I still care,
I just lost... touch.

Me and my friends
We all had fun
Playing hackysack in the summer sun
I don't know why,
I'm lost in time.

I hope you know I want a better life.

This one's gonna be about me and my friends,
We're gonna have some good times
We're gonna stay young for life
We're never gonna care about the way that the world ends.

This one's gonna be about me and my friends,
Cuz now I just gotta chill out,
I don't know what you're talking about,
This one's gonna be about me and my friends.

Melancholy found a home in me like I found a home in the world.

He works his job, drinks his water
Eats his food and pays his rent.

He is one of my most loyal tenants,
But I am the lord;
That's not what I meant.

He's a handsome man,
With smooth motes and good sense.

Running like a cool river
His pool is the profound blue of my life
And probably my favorite color

Because he is easygoing;

When he comes he comes
And when he leaves he leaves
Painting my eyes
Paint on my feet

i'm into music music
all the ways songs and artists dance around the audience
they flow like rivers through the colorful maze of people
who revel and rock out and wallow
chuckle cry sway jump and tap their tiny little feet
write more music and make more art

i wonder about those things
and all the ways songs and artists
are related
in ways no one ever even realized

Not the one of flesh and bone.
The one whose steel legs pick the world clean,
Clean as American washing machines
The one whose banks are fortresses of power
With all the rats orbiting around them
With the best rat home you'd imagine

The one who made good and evil your brother and sister,
Manifest dragons biting each other's necks
Scales flashing like neighbors and corporate logos

Mindful man trapped in a cultural cell,
Vicious man with reins in both hands.

Not just the world cascaded from them,
But the actual cave inscriptions and fossilized love of generations,
Their ***** deeds and misgivings,
Evil experiments and slave-drivings
Their war-mongering and capless greed
Their style and their flicking tongues.

Don't be so mesmerized by the screen.
Don't be so naive.
Know your mother well,
You won't always be so green.

i don't need any Thing,
this world is my Lover.

look! i was born on a landscaped, grassy hill.

no wait! i must humble myself, so
hello. i am just another man in Love
setting up his spine for alignment

i am the king who is no king
who looks up down but sideways at people
i am the traveler granted an open mind,
my smile is my throne.

your smile is celestial
here we float in space

I need a lair because I'm evil.

Typety fingers and flappity lips
The wide gaps in my logic
Are hot holes for working demons
Working their way in.

A desecration of creation,
See beauty bend to the will of Satan
literally, the enemy.

It's all too much, I don't deserve this!
I never should have gone to jail!
I don't get a good amount of sleep because of these randomized drug tests!
I have such a negative association with this house!

And so to stabilize
I need a lair
Then I'll be cool

I need a lair because I'm evil,
Take it like a fool.

I see everything
And it
Is perfect.

Charcoal brings me wednesday
The taste and feeling of it
I am well-loved but bitter and dry
Touch me. Touch me. Touch me,
And I'll come alive.

I was born with a tangle in my line
So twist my nerves
And slash my eyes

What if life was different?
Then we'd be the celebrity center
Of the universe
For now we're just a botched trick
A messy job
A shattered eye to pass on by.

Dawn is yawning,
Its yellow is mellow
You're the chartered martyr.

Whatever.

Time's plot is plodding,
Your heart is nodding
Off into a wakeful slumber.

Whatever.

Then,
Out of the blue
The vein you're in dilates
Your Icarus skyscrapes
The chemicals swim
And the ocean
Is awash
With color.

Whatever, whatever.

Whatever. Whatever.

Whatever, whatever
Whatever whatever.

What they think about me doesn't hurt,
I'm on top.

Take this pill, **** in this cup,
Labels, stigmas, words.

But what they think about me doesn't hurt.

What they think about me can rattle and run,
I'm virile
I'm a real one.

Oh...! what they think about me can rattle
and run.

What they think about me isn't fair,
But I'm there.

Waiting for my chance
To show the air I'm fair.

What they think about me isn't fair,
But I'm on top.
I'm virile.
I'm *there

you are only as free as you are death,
you are only as ******* as you are
pointless.

you do not have rights,
you are mine, solid, fixture
for a moment

you have zero rights, Dis
and you are all mine.

You pour springtime in the river each year
And then dose me with summer,
You live up on the ridge
And one day we'll meet and I'll trade in my fear

And there'll be new words for "ridge" and for "death"
I'm absolutely positive.

You float flowers downstream to my eyes
These things don't simply happen
They're fated and wise
And the winters are empty and dry

And I'm sure as my breath,
I'm absolutely positive.

And you love me with tangerine skies
And the seaside is marvelous, light blue and white
The clouds billow up with the tide
I'm absolutely positive.

And you wrote me a song for my death.
You said love isn't obvious, off with your head!
And you laughed as you pushed back my hair
And looked straight in my eyes.

I'm absolutely positive
You can't tell a lie

I'm so, so positive,
Why.

My lucid hero
You are engaged and impenetrable
Cherished in the full grasp of my heart's eye
Fighting for a cause.

With grace you carry your great onus
With great glory you carry the purpose
Of all things good
When you are small and humble
When you are weak and mighty

When you are alone,
You are a stolid friend
When you are submerged in the chaos of the world,
You do your best.

You deserve recognition,
But you decline, deeming it unnecessary.

Instead you reach out,
Widening the warm touch of your only mission

To bring the world a little home
In the wretched hands
Of a lonely human.

our stuttering lungs
fall short of Breath
fluttering tongues
with bodies pressed

ease in and out
life and death
but where is death?
it's in our hands.

we must be pressing around it
pushing it down
somewhere between us
it is infinitesimal.

grasping to unbutton your jeans,
i am the fingers tearing through the keys

and long shifts at boring jobs
mean red trails on my back

tonight, it is the blood of the first bite that i crave the most.

slipping into you, just through the door
(and i can feel it now)
having broken the code and spoken that language
with my body, from its heart
with my searching fingers

with fluttering music

knowing the great adventure that lives inside you...

i see my ugliness but i can't change it
i'm pulsing in the world's corner like a disgusting maggot
i revel in the gift of sunlight laid before me
i sicken myself but i feed and feed and feed

i drink tea, i make myself
cups of coffee
like i wish you well
and do things sweet and political

the truth is unavoidable
i am a crooked freak
some days symmetrical
but with wires fraying all the time
and tasting death on my tongue's poison tip

I've got
a really bad cavity
But I'm
Not terribly sad

sweetie pie,
it is time to go to bed.

daddy is not telling you
a bedtime story tonight.

we are all out
of Love!

you see, the sadness you feel in your heart
is just like the deep empty blackness in the sky
in between the stars

right now

there is no point in bedtime stories,
honey.

you can cry until you tell me
daddy is right.

the blackness goes on forever
and all the bedtime stories have been told,
if i told you one you would just grow old,
and die

Bizarre how time rolled up into a pulsing sac of flesh,
Fate's knocking at the empty sky for an explanation and finds itself graced neatly there,
I am just a weird knot of time
Go for it
The buzzing everything tells me...
Will this to happen on your sliding breath.

And my breath, it slides
Like a small child learning how to ice skate
Soon I will be twenty-five
I'm getting a feel for this and I'm working on the finer points...
It is taking some time.

I watch you flit around,
Flirt around with different forms
It is neither here nor there,
This whole affair
But you do lay claim to some import

These are the things I absorb
And whether they live or die there,
Well i guess it's neither here nor there
But I'd sure like to fly east
Until I melt into the sun
And drip drop my love onto the world like a soothing nectar.

The character of the experience is specific
And if i were god I would know it
Why does it make mistakes
Look at all the others
It doesn't always glorify me
It lives to belittle me
How could you even suppose you might be god when it's so obvious you're Satan?

And it's weird to look outside of that paradigm,
So stigmatize that.

And being transgendered is weird,
Not normal or obvious in any way at all.

Write
write write,
I do not read
Despite
The fact I understand...

Most of my life

Has been spent listening, adjusting!

Write
write write,
I will not read
I'm right
And when I'm wrong

You'll come for me,
And that'll happen either way! Ha haaa!

So yes,
You're cool
Because you stayed
In school
I left
Because the world is so insane!

So set
Me straight
And if you can,
I'll wait,
Or... I will try
To carve out my fate! Ha haaa!

wrote about a feeling i used to know,
became i a very special piece of dust
upon the windowsill
until
was i introduced
to a gust of wind from outer space,
and we courted each other for time eternal.

and in the next life was i hiking in the rain,
from a good vantage felt i thunder roll up and through my belly
Appalachian thunder
drip drop beads of water, flowing through my brows and lips

don't know what i used to know,
but there you are, your blood is in everything
i only dive into your body over and over

and you're like a page that got stuck
as the winds ravaged a book of symbols and pictures.
sweet subjective antecedent,
tell me what the world means, means.

skit dop da *** *** waaaaw,
skit dit dot a wot dot waw.

sweeeee, zit zot zow.
a zit zot zow, bat baaaa.

stit saa, a woopdewa
zit za, a bop bop ba da BOWWW
(za, a doopdewa)
a bop bop ba da BOW, OW

The sensation of separate complices
A summation of neural activites,
Wherein lies the experience,
Out of which unfolds an impossible self
Into which leaks a necessitated calamity

You are a walking catastrophe
Better stick to harmony
Best to learn some theory
Blue note, blue note, rest.

There is nothing worth singing in my head
For now,
It is confounded
Blocked by crudeness
Percolating the next flash moment
They are waning,
I have noticed
For now
But the dynamics of life are mysterious
And I am a weird guy

Somewhere a dandelion
clicks,

it starts
to put out seed pods--

A tadpole's metamorpho--
sis

reveals a little tree frog

The young one sprawls
with Shiva's love
The old one spars with Vishnu

A tree has breached the canopy,
Your crush just up and kissed you

Your capillaries dilate
Revealing what's inside
So wrinkle up your rosy face
But love, you cannot hide

And somewhere else, a songbird dies
Beside an oxbow lake
And both lay still,
And beautiful
And know the river's wake.

scars are lipstick you can't rub off
carved and gifted, we can't love down
the world, the dove, the gun, the crown.

the claw that teases blood to the surface
the maw that pines for your innocence,
it cannot, will not, eat you up.

everything is so full of fruit,
which is why the world is full of ****.
get over it,
sang the roughened root.
the foliage sang
such softer songs.

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We'll have heaven for dinner.

We'll give our extra souls to the needy,
And we'll give them health, and food, and clothes.

I'll stop whining, you'll give the form of a woman
And we will spend Time
We will talk about the strange new world after quantum physics
We will make music and watch variables change
We will get tired of questioning form itself

Everything will be perfect.
We'll have heaven for dinner.

And when we are done,
We'll have Hell for dessert.

when life forgets itself
you're floundering, rambling on and on
splayed out for the world to see.

you're turning a deep shade of red
the cheeks and ears fill up with hot blood
and there is just no right answer inside the body

the bitterness lingers, even when you laugh at yourself
you feel wrong, and silly
and you cringe at yourself

all the moments like this become one
and in self reflection, you wince.

it's not something you or anyone else wants to handle
they take a pass, you sink down
you experience suicidal thoughts

a seed of hatred for the world is planted--
do not water it with your blood.
find a way back to balance
make a statement of love in the universe.

She looks for me in the howling lust
A garden of life, held together
By its own beauty and by the holes torn
Into it, with all the winds rushing into the great black nothing
Behind the canvas

But she cannot find me,
I am somewhere in between everything
My love is a hummingbird relishing springtime
My love is a relic at the bottom of the sea
My love never was and my love will always be

I found myself at an impasse
With holes in my brain
That echoed her nature--
Remember me for the flowers I sent
Before we made me hollow.

Contradicting veins.

I cast my eyes for demons so many times,
They hardened
Now haunted by pareidolic images
And drawn out, false conclusions

Faces in the forest,
In the bricks and in the rain.

Or maybe sometimes, it just happens.

And where emotion used to rebel,
I stop there to consider.
That maybe I'm a fool for it
I see a bigger picture

But something here was always right
I won't grow old and bitter
I'll trudge through with a battered mind
Til I cannot any longer

See how walking through this graveyard,
All its appendages seem to light up and spring to life in your wake?

It is only an illusion.

She's dead,
And you are the only one who is really alive.
And you are married to yourself,
Forced to reconcile everything you've done with the gravity of nonessence.

The slightest touches give way to the deepest swells,
Flooding out the fractured hells
In so many minds
Across the world
Like rock and roll could save your life.

Incessant strife, take this knife
And cut yourself loose in the open air
And feel the thrill
Of winds of fate
A note I found by heaven's gate:

The moment's yours
So treat it well
Ring that old and broken bell
If here you're found
Then there you stand
Coursing blood inside your hands

When she feels ready,
Nature draws the cool blue element from my blood swiftly and gorgeously.

I have tried to do the same
But I struggle hard, and miss the vein.

I beseech her at night
Digging hard with thoughts of Might
Then drawing back
And let cooing music overtake me
With quiet hums of meditation.

I let the red betrayal banner blow, concealed in my moonlit cloud
I let the navy river swim
And bubble all alone.

I let the morning light begin,
And pull it all the same.
I let the song come tumbling out
Like stones from heaven's gates.

The world is whooshing and sort of sludging by
And people are the streets of consciousness
And I am just an eye in a city, spying on itself

And there is this little box that changes colors,
And I chase that box around
Pull it up, put it down.

It is a new part of my old body,
An expression of the species I am.

Classical objects exist, quantized in suspension
All seems apart from what it once was
The blood has spilled over yet another tier into a stranger world,
And I am made to love it

I have forgotten who i am,
And in the midst of my anxious preoccupation my worst fears have been elected leader
With real hope sitting in my treasured gut like a stone
In a world apart from my solemnly knowing mind

Everything must pour in from a strange place,
Frothing there,
Bubbling and beating there
Making music in my head
That feels too dear.

Even happiness is laced with death,
Even when it isn't felt
But pooling up inside this man's life was a pretty fortune
Even just looking around.

But why so honed in on him?
I struggle to understand the specificity of consciousness
What the simplex truly is,
And what belies duality.

How I got here

The strange places have meaning to the human.

My emotions swell in my head
Evolutionary tools
Hollowed out by sharp Cerebrus
Leaving me feeling raw and ashamed

But alive

And thankful

So let's get along,
Let's love each other.

Let's make this as easy and good a thing as it can be.

Now we see
We were just silly monkeys

And now
We are something else
Something paler
Something clicked
And we will never be the same again.

Oh, what a terrible fate awaits our future kin
My heart aches and swoons to think of them
My love goes out to them...

We will all have to die some day
Let's paint with color,
Let's kiss from the marrow.

Along something we call entropy,
I wonder what else there can be.
This feels good, but I don't know why.
The sky the sky the eye and why

Oh! You've
stricken me so
seeped your songs and hot words
into my bones and blood.

And I do find it pretty odd how
Someone that I've never met
Can stir my stomach up like that.

But they do, and together we go
And together we grow
When I go to your shows
I feel like I belong, a little spoken for
My favorite songs...!

(Pomodoro for the lady,
Veal Marsala for the young man)

(I hate riding the bus
to meet my P.O. every ******* Monday.
2 years? $38,000 Really!?)

(I have yet to play a single show
and I'm 22!)

(I'm so nervous. I really hope this works out.
Sometimes I can be really good on guitar and
vocals.)

(I feel like I'm getting close. I'm
much more confident now!)

There's no devastation for me there,
And I need not compare,
Only be the one I am.

Beautiful music will leave my body,
Of that I am completely certain,
Circle drawn and close
The curtain.

The fields are fertile,
The air and sea are clean,
And you and I have much to do here.

Look out and away from the sadness inside you.

Provide for the tribe.

Carry your dreams in that crazy basket til dusk calls us back to the sea.

She sits
In meditation
For reasons you are here to
...Devise

When she awake,
I died.

Divide, divide, divide.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Arrive and decide.
Inspire and ignite.
Arise behind her
Katholic eyes.

The structure from your slanted edge
We twist our minds to call it holy
We turn our heads and call it evil

You walk around the structure and my eyes follow you
I shake my head because that makes it right
Just like I give my love because I'm told it works for you
It works for the tribe

I'm on to dizzying heights
I molt the berated plotline

We watched Mr. Fluster fall through the cracks
You can find his skeleton in Ginsberg's concrete
You can find his tears dissolved in the atmosphere
They left a sad and soft weight on everyone's hearts
Like a bird perching there waiting for the end fighting for dignity

Like the simplest geometry,
Like the holy trinity.

We all slip in and out of consciousness
In our own private modes
We are houses for music
And sometimes she's home

But to let alone time
In any given moment, she's
Taken the car and left you noteless
She's crashed out on your red futon bed
In a college town
She's out at the bar, and soon she'll be home
She's amplifying the sunshine of your childhood memories
Making funny remarks, making dinner in the kitchen
Cute as hell, wearing those yoga pants.

In chaos for there to be order,
Rivulets stream to and from your mind.

Concretely, you inhale air, food, and water
And exhale carbon dioxide, **** and ****.

But really, it's all the same business.

There would be no bow of colors if the light never crashed,
Emptying contents and putting a gruesome picture on the highway's sad shoulder.
It's a whole eternity.
I don't like your attitude on life. I like mine
I think it's 'broken' and I know
It's divine.

The crooked-toothed,
Filter-born demon speaks
Into my left ear

Saying, if we all **** ourselves
What do you think you are seeing
In the world?

But I don't think it's so.
Worth ignoring, he is weak.

And I can spell "capable" backwards.

words are the proverbial stones of the temple
the walls of the church are strong
the walls of the church are opaque.

are they words, or are they photons?

they turn on leviathan. the black side of each word
erects him, gets his tail wagging
and right at this very moment a maelstrom
swallows the sea.

that is the cost of words. of action, emotion.

turn over the temple! O Christ!
their meaning is their own undoing.

Sometimes I pretend I am the essence of all that's good to be,
One with this work of art we breathe
And I look down through the clouds
From the moon,
And through them watch myself struggle to find sleep.

I watch the artist struggle there,
Swatching shades behind eyelids
And turning time for me.

I watch a seed in the soil
Work its only way
To me.

I see the broken part of you,
Which is like a shattered glass
Spilling black blood between everything
That spills into the night sky.

You don't have to pretend--
But I think I was always
Somewhere between.

Complications
In the morning
Tangles in the brush
Are just accents,
Not even really dissonance
In beauty.

Upon closer examination
The cords and vines
Were united in harmony.
Even choking death is just another plant,
Ravens and mockingbirds unite
In this ultimate symphony

The harvest will only yield so much sympathy,
Lovers and losers
Brothers, abusers--
From the altar of the morning,
Watching the brush breathe
A little more than it tangles.