Me and my bug juice,
Wander these pixel halls,
In a disguise,
To hide from curious eyes.

This dress I'm in,
Is too bright,
The seams,
Like to hurt my arms,
And the wind,
Brushing along my legs,
Make me feel icky.

Me and my bug juice,
Wander these pixel halls,
Keeping disguised,
To hide from prying eyes.

The sweat pants,
I befriended,
Books keep my mind,
Distracted from...


Me an d my bu g juice , (Daddy got it for me !)

Wand r these pix el halls , (Barely remember where it was ?)

Slowly d elirio s , (Don't make him mad , please ?)

I 'm try ing to be se ious . (Wasn 't trying to laugh , I promise !)


Me and my bug juice,
Wander these pixel halls,
Keeping disguised,
To hide from prying eyes.

I don't want to sound magic,
I just want to sound tragic.

I don't wanna be famous,
I just wanna make payments.

I don't want to become a jaded **** Jagger,
I just wanna be a ludicrously crazy ******.

I don't want to be the media's dogma,
I just wanna ****** all their ******* drama.

I don't want kids to look up at me,
I just want them to see the poison I breathe.

Don't cry when my phone goes dead,
See that last text, you read.

And feel that gut-dropping dread,
Run to the house, where I'm alone.

Then continue into the place,
To my face, all those words you droned.

I'm gonna spray some ******* mace,
I've had enough of tossing you a bone.

You're nothing but a testosterone injected zombie,
Get a new ******* hobby.

Kitten-hitting,
Depression-denying,
******* ****** crazy.

The past ain't what it used to be,
So now you won't let it breathe,
So now you're buried with your misery.

A deranged,
Left estranged,
Egomaniac.

Oh I'm never good enough for you,
Am I?
Oh just let me start my motivation up,
Just for you to feel satisfied!
When are you gonna realize,
That my life is not yours to define?

Well if it's just an excuse,
Then I won't bother explaining anything to you.

Sometimes I imagine you listen when I speak,
Instead of eyeing me up like candy,
And when you couldn't have me anymore,
You flayed my flesh and laid it out on the porch.

Do I look young?
Do I look fresh?
Am I a lamb who's legal to touch?
Do I look dumb?
Do I look plush?
Am I a lamb who's legal to touch?

Now I go to meet someone new,
But all I can hear is this fear,
That they'll have me only because,
I've got these wide, large eyes,
With a slim, slender physique.

Water me down, flower kid,
To a seed in the ground.

There's no such thing as wanting to die,
You're just a silly sad butterfly,
Plummeting gracefully from the sky.

Caught in this trap,
One made by my own hands,
At least that's what I tell myself,
Am I just a cog in a turning machine?

Ballerina come 'round,
Look at me in the face,
Drop your guard now,
Get out of this nightmare.

When my voice is so loud,
How do you not hear me speak?
When I tell you these words,
About the pain I have felt,
You only speak from the pain that you've dealt.

Everyone watches my mess,
Seeing as I continue to confess,
To the times that I committed crimes,
Crimes that hurt as I wrote these rhymes.

And so.
In a process of elimination,
From head to toes,
I found that my conscience was guilty,
A list is cannot write but only feel,
What if I said I wasn't sorry,
For once.

Everyone watches my mess,
Seeing as I continue to confess,
To the times that I committed crimes,
Crimes that hurt as I wrote these rhymes.

There's a place that I wanna go,
Somewhere that I've never gone,
Someplace that I wanna stay,
And leave this troubled place.

Here come the red lights,
Red hair and suit coat,
Laden in sinners blood,
What else would he be but bold.

Escape the body I feel,
Maybe I'll be on my knees,
Never ever breaking free,
Of the confines I write.

Here come the red lights,
Red hair and suit coat,
Laden with sinners blood,
Who else would I know.

There's a place I wanna be,
To exist and never leave,
Till my body dies and stuck there,
While I'm off in space without a fare.

The Exxon curb is my home,
For the next five minutes it is my own,
It's few feet of curb that I won,
By sitting and drinking my green tea.

This is my chrome golden lair,
Under heaven's blessed stairs,
Where the lights go out suddenly,
And I'm finding myself stumbling.

Don't have enough time to wander the city,
I'll be home by the time it's dark,
Cause I don't care except when you're calling me,
Please don't talk to me like that.

This is my chrome golden lair,
Under heaven's blessed stairs,
Where the lights go out suddenly,
And I'm finding myself stumbling.

Take a moment to remember,
Our coffee date in November,
The spark of a thought-lost ember,
In December, hold me tender.

Calligraphy note left neat on my chest,
Made me forget all about the rest,
I cannot believe that I'm not a pest,
Something of a strange little mess.

Don't forget we looked at the stars,
From inside of a cold foggy car,
Our toes so cold and so far,
I had to say that you got my heart.

Take a moment to remember,
Our coffee date in November,
The spark of a thought lost ember,
In December, hold me tender.

Calligraphy note, in my sketch book,
Every so often I'll take a look,
You're my love,
My dear,
The one who holds the hook.

And they're cunning in their ways,
They're not absent-minded plays,
Cause they'll get what they want,
Even if it means you've got to rot.

And what happens when the immortal is killed?
Where does the ghost stay when he's forgotten?
When does the tyranny fall at the hands of the innocent?
Why is everyone so angry at everybody?

Memories left to produce mold,
Power that a dictator will hold,
Jump to the creek and cry out, "please"
"Whoever will I be?"

And what happens when the immortal is killed?
Where does the ghost stay when he's forgotten?
When does the tyranny fall at the hands of the innocent?
Why is everyone so angry at everybody?

Show me where I began,
Now show me where I end,
I can't feel anything but the breathing,
It's rolling over my own shoulders,
Blades penetrate my ****** eyes.

Up down, round my stem,
Carve me up, carve me out,
In, out, scoop my guts,
Carve me up, carve me out.

I'm sitting on an abandoned fender,
Out on your front porch, I'm bending.
You're letting me see what it means to be,
All up inside all the misery that you feel inside,
Throw me away when my time comes nigh.

I hope that everything I know,
Will be turned into the snow,
To melt away into the gutter with my sorrow.

And if I'm able to face my soul,
Without wondering when I'll take a toll..

Tumbling down is skilled if anything,
So break my toes from the inside.

Everybody understands it except you,
Or maybe nobody really understands and you're just a lost soul like me.

Don't you dare call me cause you're just a *****,
Well, all I really do is doubt you.

Look for me,
In the speed,
Of the sunrise,
Photoscope roped,
Out my mind.

Well Champ,
You're a ****,
Don't pretend,
You're not sick.

Bought a flight,
To treat my oversight,
Fight because they're not right,
Outta here,
Definitely queer.

I'm so tired of all these ghouls at my door,
Trying to spin me around, my guts up in knots,
So then a week later I'll go to emergency care,
I don't wanna grow old,
But I don't wanna fear life anymore.

Delivery Driver is the game today,
I hope I'll keep it for tomorrow's sake,
Don't you wimp out on me dear ghouls,
Causr I'm sick of forcing you away.

I think its time I open my door,
Maybe let them in to talk it out,
And spare myself the grief of running out.

I don't wanna grow old,
But I dont wanna fear growing up anymore.

Under a moon unlike any other,
A blood red moon to stand your ground,
Face to face in front of a shadowed foe,
Toothy grin to scare your pants off.

Bow down,
It's the end,
No more to see,
No more to be,
Dont be a fool,
Don't be a hero.

Steely eyes glow through the dark maroon,
These city streets turned to ghost paths,
Not one to find a body or even bones,
Better know you're not going home.

Find me,
I'll be here,
If I have to lose,
If I have to bleed,
Don't call my name,
Don't call for help.

Keep them coming 'round,
Keep me entertained,
Keep the tensions high,
Keep my cheeks red as the sheets.

Compliment me,
Take me out to coffee,
Fall in love with me,
And watch me leave.

Keep them satisfied,
Keep me depressed,
Keep the music low,
Keep my sadness at the end of the bay.

They keep falling for me,
And I'm just not ready,
I don't understand,
Just what I've done right,
I just wish they could do the same to me.

Compliment me,
Take me out to coffee,
Fall in love with me,
And watch me leave.

Are we making the right mistakes?
Are we driving the wrong direction?
Nothing is certain but everything’s treasure.
Donuts and dinner to graveyard simmer.

Autumn stars and rising moon,
Rising stars and autumn moon,
I’m just so sick of feeling so blue,
You’re just so blue of feeling so sick.

There's a soul inside the reflection,
Ocean eyes that bring destruction,
A tsunami wave against his treasures,
Living on higher ground to avoid detection.

There's a boy at the end of the driveway,
He's telling me all about the Warden,
And how he's brought houses to ruins,
He's telling me to look out for my loved ones.

Through no fault but mine,
Ive eviscerated my hope from youth,
Do you believe my manipulative lies,
Cause I sure hope you know I'm telling the truth.

Who I am,
Is who you tell me,
Insult me and break these teeth,
My gums will bleed.

Goodnight,
Tomorrow is not my last day,
Though it'll feel like my first,
I'm sorry I'm so stubborn,
I truly don't mean you harm.

There's Iron in this water,
Falling through my throat,
Spilling on my chest,
Someone convince me,
That I'm enough.

Silly little daydreams,
Give me all this hope,
When I don't know,
Where I'm going to turn.

There's marker on my arm,
Faded off of my skin,
Staining at the last layer,
Someone convince me,
That dying's not next.

Silly little daydreams,
Give me all this hope,
When I don't know,
Where I'm going to turn.

Tingling fingers,
I know what comes soon,
They don't know though,
I suppose I should say something.

I know I'll be blamed,
Be shunned for ever feeling such a way.

Im not afraid anymore,
I could take a life and feel less weight,
Drop down dead to kiss a corpse.
You'd hate me if I told you.

I'm looking in a mirror right now,
Cowardly veins bleeding out,
From the back of a head to the frontal lobe,
Not much left to feel at this point.

I'm not afraid anymore,
I would take a life and feel good,
Drop down into a grave I made,
You'd love me if I died.

This is a problem I've told the home,
Yet they excuse it as my laziness,
So I guess I'll sit down on the grass,
Shoot some cans and then...


myself.

Glass potion bottle,
Are you filled with confidence?
I kind of need it with the state,
That the world is in.

The world's gone dead,
Yet appears to be thriving on it's own terms,
Clear waters and growing green leaves,
Once we are gone- the earth reclaims it's home.

Nervous cause now,
I can't move from this house,
Hard to call it home when it's got your guts in knots,
The fire's in my room, it's too bright.

The world's gone dead,
Yet appears to be thriving on it's own terms,
Clear waters and growing green leaves,
Once we are gone- the earth reclaims it's home.

Why don't you take a chance?
Give me a little time to sweep the night away?
I can't be everything you want,
But I can give it a shot.

I'm insecure,
Think you're cute,
And want to see you smile,
I'm no ****** angel but I can show you heaven.

Well, if we're being cheesy,
Then I might as well let you know,
I've fallen for you so hard,
Like Lucifer from God's eyes.

I'm uncomfortable,
Think you're sweet,
And want to see you laugh,
I'm no ****** devil but I can shake a hand.

Days again, passing over,
Like this mindset that we end up hiding,
Do you trust me enough to fly?
I've got my wings ******* in single file.

I'm insecure,
I'm uncomfortable,
But you're cute and you're sweet,
So I'll figure that **** out some other time.

You are starting to share my air,
Although it’s just so small,
There’s something in there,
And I’ll let you know,
When my bones are bare.

If you’re not messing with me,
I’d like to get to know you,
And whatever’s behind your eyelids,
And just maybe I’ll give you a kiss,
Before I make my way home.

“I like you....say it back”

Planted some trees,
Out on the property,
Had the honor of,
Putting it in its place,
Covered it up,
It’s gonna grow.

We miss you,
We love you,
And I hope that one day,
I’ll see you again.

Flowers are arranged,
in a figure eight,
Skull and horns,
are what remains,
Besides all those,
Precious, little memories.

I miss you,
I love you,
And I hope that one day,
I’ll see your face again.

Its gonna be some long nights for all of us,
I wish I could say I remember more,
I was young but I said I loved you,
Wanted to marry you, didn’t I?

Now I understand why,
When I take a look back on all those pictures, I,
Know that you had a heart made of home,
Homemade cooking and some pleasant hugs.

Tall and handsome with a charming smile,
Tux, dressed up to those soft brown locks,
I hoped we could talk sometime that day,
Never did and now it’s the time to regret it.

Now I understand why,
When I take a second glance at limited memories,
I know that you had a chest made of family,
Thanksgiving dinner and fresh deer jerky.

You showed me how to shoot the bow and arrow,
Didn’t let me touch but I watched anyways,
Flipped onto the trampoline with a little bro,
Mom said no but you smiled and did it anyways,
I was too scared but I admired your bravery.

Now I understand why,
When I take a look back on all those pictures, I,
Know that you had a heart made of home,
Homemade cooking and some pleasant hugs.

Loving the sun in the evening time,
When it strikes through the blinds,
And soothes my skin.

I’m not tired but there are sleep spots in my irises,
And I’m contemplating tomorrow’s leftover dinner,
Whether I’ll feed them to the saint at my gate or to the sinner on my porch,
Soon enough the sun will come up and break through,
Potholes strewn on my street show me that things have gone down.

Treading lightly cause I might wake up those dogs,
Nowadays I see empty collars,
And my footsteps hitting the ground as I’m running,
Hearing the barks and howls of what cannot get on the streets,
Good luck, headache.

Gravel crunches beneath the feet of the liar,
Now on the paper that is clenched in his hand,
Spells the time of his vision being blinded by bathroom porcelain,
Cuts and bruises that few, yet so many would understand,
Yet he fell and now he falls again.

Treading lightly cause I might find a weapon,
Nowadays I see that weapon,
And my heartbeats hitting my chest as I’m running,
Hearing the rumbling of thunder and lightening,
Good luck, headache.

Dying seems like a choice right now,

But at what point will it become uncontainable?

Nagging me, in the back of my spirit,
Is unsure feelings of something similar to anxiety,
Kick up the pace, lead me to the back porch.

Let me see what you've made in the grass,
I see it now and its hurts to look at it,
A glass gun, humming it's song.

Solidifying, am I?
I wish it felt like I was solidifying,
Maybe If I was solid, I'd feel complete.

In the backyard you've got a small raygun too,
Harmless but I'm still attracted to you,
Stop pointing that at me.

I don't wanna try anything anymore,
Been pushing and doing for hours to years on end,
Don't look at me with those eyes.

Father, I love you
Mother, I love you
Brother, I love you
Sisters, I love you
Grandmas, I love you
Grandpas, I love you
Friends, I love you
Pets, I love you
Exes, I love you
Abusers, I love you
Music, I love you
Drawing, I love you
Writing, I love you

Life, I hate you

Shuffle the deck,
Wake up in glass,
Cut up your neck,
I think I’ll pass.

The story you unfold onto my eyes,
I would believe you if you didn’t choke up,
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all lies,
But **** you like to pretend I just woke up.

I swear that you knew,
****** my words into submission,
I’m sorry I’m not dead like you,
I only wanna get paid for the commission.

Shuffle the deck,
Wake up in glass,
Cut up your neck,
I think I’ll pass.

Gun to the back of my head,
Do it yourself if you’re so friendly,
Guilty that you’re not fed,
Begging endless, “tend to me.”

“Tend to me.”

Headache, is this it?
Sneezed, is this it?
Coughed, is this it?
Sore, is this it?

No
I think I’ve been in bed too long,
My mind’s playing tricks on me,
And people are out here playing tennis.

It's happened once again,
A single fragile moment,
In time this is insignificant,
In me this is a supernova.

Won't you leave me now,
I don't want your smile on my wall,
This world doesn't know you,
But I can't know you,
When you bring my towers crumbling down.

What if I told the war,
That they were safe and that's it's over,
I think they'd come out of hiding,
Maybe even get gunned down by my hands,
Red-handed, sociopath, dread.

I really love you,
Take time out of my day to remind you,
Yet I still despise the way I mourn,
For something that hasn't even died.

We're gonna soar on some paper airplanes,
Draw some ***** pictures on the wings,
Crawl into the fold and kiss each other goodnight.

The wind from the cliff will push us off,
Onward, my lovely angel, where will we go?
Your wings have been clipped,
I want to let them grow,
So you don't have to depend on this paper airplane,
For too much long, cause I just wanna see you alive.

Whatever I can be is what I can't see,
And the ground under my toes feels like sand,
When it really should be a bed,
This is not where I want to be.

I ******* hate sinking and it's all happening so fast,
The voices inside my mind are getting louder,
But I'm scared to ask for help cause I'm close,
To the end of the river and the beginning of the sea.

Hit me in the face,
Snap my neck to look at my shoulder blades,
Split my gut like I've been laughing too much,
Five days a week I'm consumed and for the next,
I'm a ******* mess of inky hands and broken lightbulbs.

Now what I can be is what's in the sea,
I just need to dip my toes,
Keep my eyes down the sights,
There's not a lot of hope inside the head,
Where the drama king resides with a tethered leash.

Clashing under tyranny rulings,
War falls under the city,
Implodes the streets to the sewers,
Growing vines, dystopian.

These fools, two beasts,
Started this turf war,
Under the rule of masters,
They couldn't be less of *******.

Pointless points being made against,
Not strong enough to stop but enough to enrage,
Close their eyes, oh masters,
They've had enough of this battle.

Shatter limbs with broken eyes,
Rolled back into their head,
Meanwhile the time wrings out and trips them up,
I've had enough of these fights inside my city.

Took me by surprise, realizing I'm a shocking mess of human,
Breaking down, bit by bit all my defenses and chasing,
Gonna miss out on the family home but do I care?
Yeah I do, quite a bit, everything in my life confided at once.

This is where I'm meant to be,
He is who I'm supposed to see,
Dad, I'm coming home,
I'm just only 18- but even the devil can see,
That I still want to hug you and cry.

Missing out on love, that's okay cause soon I'll arrive,
Everyday a new one, a new day that resides beside you,
I'll learn to grow up, By your side and inside your home,
Remember me, I did what we've been dreaming for years.

This is where I'm meant to be,
He is who I'm supposed to see,
Dad, I'm coming home,
I'm just only 18- but even the devil can see,
That I still want to hug you and cry.

Chemical bath soak me up,
***** skin with ***** mind,
Laying face first in the porcelain,
There's only one thing I can't find,
That's the will to live more lives.

Yet still I cleanse myself,
Rid these bones of my own,
Tainted soul,
Corrupted, selfish mind all for itself.

Gen X on A, B, and C street,
Hating themselves and the world they reside,
Shut down and shut up by the gens outside their own,
Unable to be set free from these dying sparks.

Get a load of me
Get a load of you
Get a load of everyone in this room
Cowards hiding in the corner
Lions standing in the limelight

Everybody's sick of me
Everybody's sick of you
Everybody's sick of everyone in this room
Burnouts staring at the balloon
Royalty living with the runaways

Heard my name
Heard your name
Heard everyone in this room
Cause they screamed at everybody else

From the Cowards in the corner
To the Lions in the limelight
And the Burnouts popping balloons
While the Royalties dine with the runaways

Don't you make me laugh,
I just wanna be sad,
Your smile is looking bad,
Drop dead and sink instead.

Sometimes I fear that dad is dead,
Broken down and turned out mad,
***-luck as the grand-dad fad,
Fresh out of luck aren't ya'?

I had an affair with the entryway,
Touched lips with the steps,
Put my pride down the street lines,
Fell out of love,
And dropped my heart into the potted plants.

I went to a town the other night,
Alone and barely afraid,
Never seen these sights before,
But I'm watching these trucks sweep me by.

I waited till midnight to buy myself a bed.
I swear this body isn't being sold,
To the man under the stairs.

Oh, I cried to the lord, yes I did.
I don't believe in him but-
I was scared,
What do you do when you're scared?

These streetlights light my feet,
Less often do I feel so **** free.

Motel 6 is now my home, for now.
Forevermore, I'm gone from warm,
To every rock being my bone,
Goodnight to the disheartening tone.

These streetlights light my feet,
Less often do I feel so **** free.

I can't tell my head from my hands,
There's a similarity of my palms,
The curves that dive down and then back up,
Appear similar to the dips and hills of my brain.

It's like I can't feel you anymore,
Your touch, it's bleak,
Your voice, it's muffled,
I'm scared of losing this heart of mine.

Important song and it takes on,
This whole new type of wrong,
I can't clean so I can't plead,
No more knees but I can see,
You're a lost charm,
Don't mean any harm,
But what the hell does it mean to be warm?

I wanna see you,
I want to need you,
I must plead you,
Insane.