a 5000second hug

Breathing in deep
intoxicated by your smell
I asked the moon for you and Venus too
I look up into your eyes
glimmering with a hint of emerald
my ear to your rapid heart beat, your arms locked around me
tracing your check bone with my fingers
lingering eye delights on each line and curve and freckle
Dimples..
I have to close my eyes
This cant be real
We were separated for all of space
that was the deal
You smile even harder
I should have known
Only we could  realign the stars for a hug
The bliss over flows from my eyes  onto my check
Your gentle hand sweeping wild auburn hair curls out of my face,
Lips meeting forehead.
I cant breathe
am I breathing?
Im laughing now.
”thank you” I whisper
Close my eyes and settle into your arms.
The calm radiates from my soul.
Surreal, I dreamt of this.
My beautiful fallen angel
wrap me in your wings for all of time.

You dont know the empty cold place you have left,
your brothers and I.
On days you feel like no one loves you,
I know you think of it all. Remorse, distrust; ears ringing
and you cant find your lungs....
you shake yourself out of it, you always do.
No ones better at smiling through the pain than you.
The show must go on.
Tuck your hair back
tell your self to straighten up.
But the lingering emptiness is with in your soul too.
You dont trust your self to fly..
not barley gotten wings.
So much pride.
The very pride that keeps me from sending this letter,
was also born with in you.
If you used the self preservation and that beautiful iron will,
you could lead us all to heaven or hell..
so many call out to you,
none more than I.
Dont feel so sorry for your self,
if you knew the tears that have been wasted,
or not;on you.
Your light is needed,
the world has been bleak and gray for 600 days.

in wooded summer bliss
time and air fall still
we met in suspected non-coincidence
eyes burning through shades
your soul stirs into me
like soldiers we stand
just for one moment
breathing it in
you hesitate when you leave
fate has a tie between us
it tugs and loosens
it is unbreakable
it never binds

Cosmic magnets
Long lived old ones
Star shifting
Universes collide
Supernova smile

I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate that I cant stop ******* loving you.

I cannot believe  
You would run away from
This
When you told me
That you knew it
Was everything
And
I refuse to
Give in to my
Humanity
For you
For ******* you
I listen
And if you were here
Instead of runaway
I would stand my ground
And tell you
As you wish
How wrong it is
To have gone away
When you
Know you
Have just abandon
Your own principality
For false
Peace
..
Fine
trade your ******* heroes for ghost
This war battles on without you

You stand at the top of the stair
Being pulled in directions, both
Your voice speaks
But I Hear your eyes
The beating of your soul
Lost some where
Between wanting to rip
The flesh from my bones
And laying me down in
Surrender to human desire.
My skin crawls with sweat
That has not broken the surface tension
We flow
Like bodies of water
Mountains between us
I trembled at your touch
And you relieved
Every pain
I brought you
The smile
Again
You came to save us both
But only
Reminded us what was evermore; unforgiven
But we make chit chat
About what is expected
Our guilt and lust battle
In subconscious oblivion
Though dense enough for the
Angels to walk upon
You
Trying to run
And trying to stay
I don’t plead nor
Will I beg
Yet in the hearts abyss
You have left me to bleed
I didn’t ask about your dreams
The nightmares of me.
Us.
You walk in mine
You stalk my heart
when I start to feel free
Im sure
Its mutual.
You came at my call  
and stood here
In the darkest hall
You haven’t been here for a while
My heart rejoiced
To hear
You know
Its not the time
And won’t be
Till
The blood clots
And this numbness
Has taken over me
We.
And there you stand readied to leave
Hand twisting anxiously
In dark hair
Smile going on
For a century
How does the moon
Implore, her love
The glorious sun
To stay
In eclipse
When she knows
The entire world would suffer
I turn as you leave
We make light hearted joke
To hide the fight
Deep in our minds
As we break free
To wander alone through this
Galaxy.

Im getting tired
of dreaming about you;
But if it stopped I would
Beg God
Or the Devil himself
to bring your face
Back to my subconscious
Your warm
And angsty vibration
Rippling into mine
Counteracting each other
Into blissful comfort
The synaptic lightning bolts
Flushing my cheek
As we dance upon
Mid summers nightmares
Pushed and pulled
Into
Particles and
Millions of emotions
Your deep eyes capture
The essence of these
Cascading
Visions
Your smell
Permeates the pillow
Until REM  is
Suddenly shocked into
Reality
By the
Beeping
The buzzing and humming
Of reality
Cold
Radiates through my veins
My grade A
******
The last drop
Escapes back
Into the subconscious
I curse your visits
And yearn for one more

I like to believe I have control
Over the fleeting spark
The ripple of disturbances
Over the air waves
But
We both know
It can’t be
Undone

Its not like you healed me,
Hell born.
More like you handed me the vial,
The potion.
Was in your motion,
I worked for it.
You don’t even open doors,
But you sure have the key.
Now come walk these floors,
And bring me coffee and ****.

We collided
I was never afraid
I held nothing back
It was not I my control
But the core of my me-ness
my self seemed to find peace
welcome home your hug always says
your eyes say “im glad to see you”
You never gave me a reason to doubt you
That you loved me
Filthy and broken narcissist that I am
You told me with out hesitation
When my heart was breaking
I love you
My self doesn’t even think of hiding from you
No one else has gotten this close
To my self
The purest me that is me
She comes shining through  
Baby just for you

You need fabric softener that shirt has been washed too many times with hot water.
You also need to eat because last time I hugged you there was more of you.
There is always a light scent of work on you, somehow after sleep and a shower and numerous cigarettes.
We both close our eyes and rest for a moment in the embrace.
You shaved about an hour ago.
Your cheek rest against my forehead, we are too close.
I hear and feel the light sigh as you breathe my scent and the adoration in.
The body heat we create in a second could ignite paper.
You’re tired I feel it when you lean into me, your soul is at war with your body.
You want nothing more than to rest but you tense up and remember your grind.
The lines around your eyes lengthen
Your hand on the middle of my back tightens hardly notable, but mine does also.
Our breathing stops.
And we step away.
I smell you on me for the rest of the day and glow.