I feel so useless in my own life when the memories of us come flooding in.

The uncontrollable hunger I feel inside me can’t be fed by the distance I have laid between us.

Hiding years of sadness, to the point of madness. With the hope that the memories will one day just be memories.

But instead they are turning into a haunting dream that will not go away. Your laughter has become the demon that turns my body cold.

The sign that I will once again have a sleepless night when the waves of you come rushing in. Washing me with a grief I cannot explain.

Like little scenes playing on a loop in my head; Your smile makes my tummy ache. And your charming catchphrases bring back old times, when you were mine.

I have developed a craving for the pain your dreams bring me. Covered in tattoo memories, my heart stings with anticipation. The sleepless nights are becoming a part of me, like a sickness I don’t want to cure.

Once again spellbound in your presence, my mind has somehow mastered.

The dreams are becoming so life like, that when I wake I can still feel your touch, your voice drifting away in the background.

The confusion that covers me looks a lot like shame.

It has been many summers since I’ve seen you, but somehow my self-conscious had found a way to keep you with me. Forever, without my permission.

In reality, I know I don’t want you anymore and I’m quite happy with my life.

Maybe it’s the way we left things that is bothering me? I could have handled that a bit better I suppose. I never intended to break your heart.

Don’t worry, my punishment is a lot worse than the deed.

You are now just a memory that has been anchored by a forgotten love; I no longer wish to have.

As another sleepless night awaits me.

(From my book, The Words I Never Said)