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Satandra Asberry Jun 2020
Forever Missing Our little princess and our little man,
Angels in the skies for Joshua Jr & Cheyenne,
Both smiles lit up a room made any bad day Seem Alright,
For anyone who felt Darkness a glance of them u see the light.
Never knew what a calling was still today I'm confused,
What jobs can a infant let alone 2 really do.
Explain to your family and friends my niece and Baby is in the sky,
And no reasoning But what they call S.I.D.S is Why.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is what killed my Fam,
You will be Forever Missed  My Joshua Jr and Cheyenne
For April 19th and 21st to approach to us it's all a dream,
Remembering the flesh we brought in this world is now dead unreal it seems
Hearts and lives filled with pain and now all we here is sympathy,
A part of our lives and hearts and us are truly empty.
They say that truth be told is that when you are gone is when u truly live,
For them to get a chance to be here my life I will give.
5years mark today for our family and still we don't understand,
What we did for us to have to now grieve for Joshua and Cheyenne.
Forever missed
Satandra Asberry Sep 2019
CHILDLESS MOTHER!!!

It's impossible to know that you child is still okay,
To protect your child was your job, so you think you failed in every way.
When your child is no longer with you and still so very young,
You can’t help but think there must be more you could have done.
Because you didn't do what was needed u failed u must confess,
Now daily wakeups for me are extremely depressed.
You turn the music up and sob while in your car and the shower hides your tears,
You know you can’t survive this kind of loss another day, another month, another year.
Yet, the years go by and you realize you’re still alone,
Although you did all you knew and could, your child did not come home.
They take my children and rip me of my rights as a mother,
Now the everlasting pain I'm covered hurts like no other.
The child you carried and brought into this world has gone away,
There’s nothing left to do but pray and pray .
How evil are those who desire nothing more than to destroy the mother-child bond,
You continue to seek justice, but the gut wrenching pain goes on and on.
No matter how huge the loss, you have no choice but to start another day,
Without your child that gave your life meaning in every way.
So now your lifeless all you want to do is die,
So confused on self worth low self-esteem thinking why try.
The crazy thoughts on why they had to go makes no sense at all,
They say brain surgery to be with them or allow your family to fall.
You lie down at night and think of your child and feel so all alone
There is nothing in this world you want more than for your child to just come home.

     By:Santandra Davis
My Kids are my Life Without them im Lifeless
Satandra Asberry May 2019
My love for you has never been phony,
For u will always remain Big Tony.
My heart and soul needs u so bad,
But at times u make me so so Mad.
So many people have there inputs on what we do,
But you forget sometimes that our relationship consists of just me and you.
We both had are hardships of pain in our past,
I thought that would make our relationship Last.
But I guess I could never truly be loved by you,
To many tears hurt painful words uncotroled mind we have no clue.
Big Tony,Big Tony Big Tony,
I thought you were the only man For me.
But I don't know how to give up on us and we will see,
What our future holds for us to be a better u and me.
My love for you is unconditional u are my heart,
I won't allow anyone or anything tear us apart.
For the tears we cry for when we do wrong,
The pain we cause each other won't be long.
Right now I may be going through me feeling so lonely,
But I will forever be in love with my Big Tony!!!
I Love you xoxoxo
Big Tony
Satandra Asberry Apr 2018
I lost my house cars and kids as fast as I can say I do,
Now live my life with no care in the world to what it is that I do.
Even with the chances that I had to get them all back just obstacles for me to overcome,
It's a lot easier said because otherwise it would be done.
I have my family to thank for being there otherwise I wouldn't know where they would be,
I have my family feeling hurt because they believed in what I stood for as far as I can see.
It's like my life has come to a standpoint my motherhood has been stripped right out of my hands,It's like the only way to get them back it's by following orders or specific demands.
But who said the parenting comes with a handbook  filled of instructions on what's right and what's wrong,
I'm still at the point where they call me an unfit parent and due to that my kids are all gone.
Everyday that goes by I hear my children's voice and have to tell myself that they're not here,
It's like I messed up and can't do right so my days turn to months and now my months have turned to years.
Now my children have to live a certain life they didn't have a chance and it's just what it is,
All because of my selfish act and my wrong choices they all suffer for what I did.
What is wrong with me I wish I knew every day I wake up with all this weight on my heart,
Not only for my children but for my family who loves me enough to love them who's willing to fix something I tore apart.
Just the thought to try to get  back what I lost for me the results are still the same,
I lost them and now they're gone and I am the only one who is to blame.
My life is filled with pain and anger for I am  my worst enemy for what I put them through,
What kind of person am I when I look in the mirror I can't even recognize who I am  I say to myself this isn't u.
When you can tell you're not the mother the sister , Auntie or woman you used to be,
But you see a lifeless soul me fighting a demon that lies Within me.
What's wrong with me I lost my children to my health not an addiction and that's real fact,
What's wrong with me I lost my life and possibly I will never get it back.
To My Family Especially My Big Bro Thanks!!
Satandra Asberry Jul 2017
Wake up daily in pain in my heart my head my life.
What did i do to deserve so much heartache and strife.
I am not who u see and the person that u think u knew.
I am not that mother aunty daughter sister they say its true.
Oh know one really knows what i truly would give.
If it didnt hurt so much for me to just live.
Looking at the reflection of me in the mirror u are to blame.
Now look at everyones smile at your failures life is no game.
U try ur hardest to not make excuses and do whats asked.
U talk a good one but u cant stay focused enough to stay on task.
Oh if u only knew what i truly would give.
If It didnt hurt so much for me to just live.
Accepted the pain
Satandra Asberry Apr 2017
I push away the ones that try to love me
Because the way I've been loved is painful to see
So please dont try to love me i have no clue how to love you
I runaway from love thats just what i do
Love don't love nobody all i end up is hurt and in pain
Wondering why I chose to love you faulting myself I take the blame
That pain that i suffered from love in my life
Caused alot of heartache and unbearable strife
As a child i had no one who truly loved me
I was a sacrifice as a child for my family to live free
I ranaway from the painful situation I was in
Ran into a older man who beat me to show his love for me within
I never knew that love in my life would hurt this much
I never knew that love will keep me within lusting for that touch
What i tried to do is bury my heart so it cant be hurt again
Not knowing that there's a possibility a person can try to mend
The feeling that if pain is love i don't want it at all
Everytime I was loved by anyone i always seem to fall
I guard myself from love or anyone trying to love me
For me love is a choice not to be taken for granted is how its supposed to be
Satandra Asberry Apr 2017
I came in this world alone
Everyone i knew are gone
Who am I what am i here for
To cause so much pain and suffer more
Everyday I wake up wishing I was me
But im not this is not how my life should be
Im nothing when I wake up to not having my family together
Me and my kids love it will last forever
Who am i without them I am nothing
They are the only ones who make my life something
What did I do i tore us apart
Now i have this emptiness that lies in my heart
We will be back together if it takes all my might
No matter where i got to go or do im up for that fight
I have to keep telling me to just hold on
I hold back so many tears because I have to be strong! !!
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