I apologize to my children once again,
I know u probably wondering when the pain will end.
Mommy messed up made wrong decisions and because of me we are apart,
I know u probably tired of me breaking your hearts.
Again i must overcome this obstacle and i will continue to fight,
But thats no excuse for my choices and no matter what I will make it right.
I hope u still love me and accept me for who I am right now today,
Just know that im not giving up on u and Im not far away.
Im to blame for everything me not u my love it is not your fault,
U matter the most u didnt ask to be here u wouldn't understand if you was never taught.
Please understand those selfish days with the sickness im fighting they may come again,
Im trying to find me and love me so i can love u and our struggle will come to a end.
Soon my babies i will get our family out of this messed up situation,
Who says motherhood doesnt come with its trials and tribulations.
As soon as i can get us right the pain in your hearts will no longer live,
I will mend your hearts from that pain even if you're not ready to forgive.
Every second we are apart i miss and love u will never give up that is a fact,
For now its no goodbye's for it is soon we will have our family back!

Some days are better than others,
Waking up as still knowing I'm one of the mothers.
Who hurts deeper than a soul can mend
Sometimes in my heart it hurts deep within
The emotions I am forced to go thru at times I feel attacked
Only if I can bring u back
What who where when and why
Do I have to continue to see the hurt and pain in there eyes
Missing the love of there brother especially in his twin
I know that he feels even more pain deep within
The pain I feel is real I speak true facts
Only if I could have brought yo life back!!

This is the time I put it to rest
I'm ready now for my healing process.
My tears will still continue to roll down
Sooner than later it will be over and my family will *** around
My anger will be better I will try my best
But for now please know this is part of my healing process.
Today I am beginning to heal the pain in my heart
I am remembering my life still continues so y not start
I'm finally deciding to put my mind to rest
Just so every one knows
I'm now starting my healing processed.

Today u would have been 3 days past one,
Sleepless nights my baby I wish I could run.
Run from the world that I feel I have nothing left to gain,
I cry every time it starts to rain.
So much pain!!!
Sometimes I wonder if I where to give my life would he bring u back,
But I know he won't that's a proven fact.
But y not these days taking a life for some is just a game,
People become real big celeberties
Filled with fortune and fame.
So much pain!!!
They say I must hold on and be strong,
I should feel blessed for the 6 others
That are not yet gone.
Coming from who an outsider looking in trying to bring light to the situation,
Just leave me alone u will never understand my frustration.
So much pain!!!
They aren't me and they had no part in having you,
Stop acting as if u can ever feel the way I do.
I swear I'm about to just nut up and go crazy,
Don't judge me I'm in so much pain u try loosing a baby!!!
So much pain!!!

My heart is in so much pain,
The way i am i just don't know who to blame.
But what about me and the way I feeling,
And what about the hurt and the way inside how much I'm killing.
Some days I hate me for what I am and what I do
Sometimes I hate me for all and every part of me that came from u
Sometimes I doubt my life how I would be without u
But y I can't understand who I am and how my purpose of life is meaningless
Sometimes I'm ever so confused on luv and pain I feel lifelessness
Y am I who I am today
Y does pain represent luv in so many ways
What now what am I to truly do
Because deep within me I hate me because  I'm apart of you!