My love for you has never been phony,
For u will always remain Big Tony.
My heart and soul needs u so bad,
But at times u make me so so Mad.
So many people have there inputs on what we do,
But you forget sometimes that our relationship consists of just me and you.
We both had are hardships of pain in our past,
I thought that would make our relationship Last.
But I guess I could never truly be loved by you,
To many tears hurt painful words uncotroled mind we have no clue.
Big Tony,Big Tony Big Tony,
I thought you were the only man For me.
But I don't know how to give up on us and we will see,
What our future holds for us to be a better u and me.
My love for you is unconditional u are my heart,
I won't allow anyone or anything tear us apart.
For the tears we cry for when we do wrong,
The pain we cause each other won't be long.
Right now I may be going through me feeling so lonely,
But I will forever be in love with my Big Tony!!!

I lost my house cars and kids as fast as I can say I do,
Now live my life with no care in the world to what it is that I do.
Even with the chances that I had to get them all back just obstacles for me to overcome,
It's a lot easier said because otherwise it would be done.
I have my family to thank for being there otherwise I wouldn't know where they would be,
I have my family feeling hurt because they believed in what I stood for as far as I can see.
It's like my life has come to a standpoint my motherhood has been stripped right out of my hands,It's like the only way to get them back it's by following orders or specific demands.
But who said the parenting comes with a handbook  filled of instructions on what's right and what's wrong,
I'm still at the point where they call me an unfit parent and due to that my kids are all gone.
Everyday that goes by I hear my children's voice and have to tell myself that they're not here,
It's like I messed up and can't do right so my days turn to months and now my months have turned to years.
Now my children have to live a certain life they didn't have a chance and it's just what it is,
All because of my selfish act and my wrong choices they all suffer for what I did.
What is wrong with me I wish I knew every day I wake up with all this weight on my heart,
Not only for my children but for my family who loves me enough to love them who's willing to fix something I tore apart.
Just the thought to try to get  back what I lost for me the results are still the same,
I lost them and now they're gone and I am the only one who is to blame.
My life is filled with pain and anger for I am  my worst enemy for what I put them through,
What kind of person am I when I look in the mirror I can't even recognize who I am  I say to myself this isn't u.
When you can tell you're not the mother the sister , Auntie or woman you used to be,
But you see a lifeless soul me fighting a demon that lies Within me.
What's wrong with me I lost my children to my health not an addiction and that's real fact,
What's wrong with me I lost my life and possibly I will never get it back.