Satandra Asberry

Satandra Asberry Oct 2015

This is the time I put it to rest
I'm ready now for my healing process.
My tears will still continue to roll down
Sooner than later it will be over and my family will *** around
My anger will be better I will try my best
But for now please know this is part of my healing process.
Today I am beginning to heal the pain in my heart
I am remembering my life still continues so y not start
I'm finally deciding to put my mind to rest
Just so every one knows
I'm now starting my healing processed.

Santandra Joshua Phillips

Satandra Asberry Jul 2015

SO MUCH PAIN !!!!

Today u would have been 3 days past one,
Sleepless nights my baby I wish I could run.
Run from the world that I feel I have nothing left to gain,
I cry every time it starts to rain.
So much pain!!!
Sometimes I wonder if I where to give my life would he bring u back,
But I know he won't that's a proven fact.
But y not these days taking a life for some is just a game,
People become real big celeberties
Filled with fortune and fame.
So much pain!!!
They say I must hold on and be strong,
I should feel blessed for the 6 others
That are not yet gone.
Coming from who an outsider looking in trying to bring light to the situation,
Just leave me alone u will never understand my frustration.
So much pain!!!
They aren't me and they had no part in having you,
Stop acting as if u can ever feel the way I do.
I swear I'm about to just nut up and go crazy,
Don't judge me I'm in so much pain u try loosing a baby!!!
So much pain!!!

We miss u Baby Joshua,

Satandra Asberry Jun 2015

Why am I Apart of you I really wish i wasnt!!!

My heart is in so much pain,
The way i am i just don't know who to blame.
But what about me and the way I feeling,
And what about the hurt and the way inside how much I'm killing.
Some days I hate me for what I am and what I do
Sometimes I hate me for all and every part of me that came from u
Sometimes I doubt my life how I would be without u
But y I can't understand who I am and how my purpose of life is meaningless
Sometimes I'm ever so confused on luv and pain I feel lifelessness
Y am I who I am today
Y does pain represent luv in so many ways
What now what am I to truly do
Because deep within me I hate me because I'm apart of you!

Satandra Asberry Jun 2015

THE PART OF US WE WISH WE COULD'VE KEPT!!!

APRIL 19 2015 WE JUST KNEW WE WERE ALL GOING CRAZY,
THATS THE DAY  A DISEASE CALLED S.I.D.S DECIDED TO TAKE OUR BABY.
THE PAIN  AND THE GUILT WE WISH WE NEVER SLEPT,
BUT OUR SORROW FOR THE PART OF US WE WISH WE COULD'VE KEPT.
FOR ME AS JOSHUA JR. MOTHER HOW CAN I SLEEP WHILE MY BABY IS DYING,
FOR HIS FATHER HE WAS HIS JR. HIS PAIN IN HIS HEART IS UNBEARABLE HE CANT STOP CRYING.
FOR HIS SIX OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS DOUBTING THEMSELVES  FOR PAIN WITHIN,
FOR HIS FETERNAL BROTHER JOSHAE CRIES AT NIGHT OUTLOUD IN SEARCH FOR HIS TWIN.
GRANNYMA TEARS UP WHILE WATCHING THIER FAVORITE SHOW,
AND THE PAIN AUNTY FEELS HAS BECOME A STRUGGLE THAT NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.
THEY SAY WE MUST ALL GO ON THE PAIN IS SOMETHING WE MUST ACCEPT,
WE ALL FEEL THE SAME WAY WE LOST THE PART OF US WE WISH WE COULD'VE KEPT !!!!

IN LOVING MEMORY OF JOSHUA LEON-ROYCE PHILLIPS JR.
JOSHUA SR.,SANTANDRA,TORRIA,VICTORIA,BRYSON,BRYONNA,
BRESHAWNA,BRYSHAWN,JOSHOLYN,JOSHA'E PHILLIPS.

#the #family #phillips

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