First you told the truth
told me straight girls just werent for you
so
I took his hand
gave him a sweet kiss
and we rolled in the sand
Said life never felt this great and the happiness began
daydreams  of us kissing
wedding bands and life plans of us out of the country
My mind on men
couldn't wait to escape but
there was a fault in our fate
a girl who wanted a taste of your luck
Mom thought she was great
and you start to eliminate your love for your man
said god hates gays
cant look at you with starry eyes anyways
people start to notice
A flick of an eye and tap on the shoulder
"Dont do that infront of my children"
they'll be confused as time rolls over
So i believed it
didnt know life would be this different
didn't know id forget that i was into different love interests

So then you started to lie
second time comes round
cherry boy you kissed just had to fly
out of town
said his parents abusive
doesnt raise no boys whos heart flutters for other men, excuses

It hurt
more then just a little
empty beer bottles start to pile the table
cell disabled
lies and cheating start to enable
the dishonesty he had for his lover
man made love for another
no amount of liquor could make them lie next to eachother

She heard it
him whispering soft words
of a males name
the screenshots of emails he sent
were not tame
"I love you" Spilled over the page
and she knew this wasnt a game
So she left that very next day

Funny how some people
steppin on my laces
skippin spaces
underrated conversations
weak excuses
scribbles on the walls these days
left behind from ghost trippin
on the brownies
left out from the party
down the block
sorry
didn't mean to over do it
too much THC over used it
seeing doubles and triples
riples in the vortex loopin
my colors echo in the hallways
cant help but think bout
next time i get paid
get laid by a girl from third floor
story
with green hair and a name like
Corey
Sorry that my issues
seem so boring
tv screen blasting
and they're snoring

Everything that gives
me pain
echos
in waves
I find myself
staring at
the wall
wishing to be higher
than the stars
and sky
being away
from it all
Maybe then I can
dream
of smooth milky
kisses
and sunny
baths
that leave my skin
tingling

Right now
I feel cold
Bones that sing
like a decrepit
abandoned home
Greasy skin
and wild curls that
are blacker than
any sober 2 am
morning

I wish to be
higher than the clouds
to swim in their
cottony pillows
oh how sweet

And thats when i realized
I was losing myself
That part of me
that edulged in sunlight rays
Late night reads and
lazy days
I kissed out of passion
never boredom
and prefer heartbreak
over loneliness
Life had a meaning
written in leather binded
journals and sparkly red ink
It was soft to the touch
and smelled of lemony
citrus
It did not make a sound
Yet it had a voice so beautiful
it made your mind
crash like tidal waves
against your skull
My mind now is nothing
but decay
what it once was seemed
to never exist
not a sign left behind
no emptiness
as if it had never been filled
The nothingness now something
and it was numbing to feel
That want to feel
literally anything
was now a desire to feel nothing
like an empty tv screen
buzzing alone 4:35 at night

At the blooming age of 18    
I knew what i wanted
Face up to wrinkled canopy and
smoky waves crashing down on me
I inhaled smooth
Blueberry clouds
releasing thick waves
Softly through
My lips

I thought about her that day
I closed my eyes
picturing
aquamarine eyes
that could drown
city after city
Consuming everything in its path
however cool
and calm
Like a  river

Laying there with the hot sun
on my face
I recollected that day
slow and sweet
kisses that left sparks
that caught fire
burning everything around us
until it all melted into a
brilliant river of light

Her velvet touch
Honey milk kisses
and a voice that dripped
like wet paint

She reminds me of blue
like a bright
sky
One that made you close
your eyes to feel
the sun bath you
with sweat trickling down
the soft edges of
your jawline

She reminds me
of sunflower fields
that swayed lightly
in the cool afternoon of summer
A hint of dew
That seemed to melt
off their petals

She was beautiful
her mind, body and soul

She saw the world
as it was
Like delicately blown glass
filled with dandelion fuzz
and saw dust

She was art so greatly defined
made by satiny
clay
and as years
flew by
she became more defined
with age

and her soul
was a jewel
undescribable

I have this
animalistic
hunger
for the taste
of your
earthy skin
The way
you lick
your lips
and press your
fingers into
my ribs
leaving me
like a gushing
spring
Like bitter
wine
I cant wait
to lick from
your heaving
chest
Eat me like
a cherry
And I'll make
you feel
fireworks
swell up your
thighs
traveling through me
hard and slow

You make my head spin
fluidly
like dancing tequila
A splash of
sea foam green
and minty tea
I could swim in your words
and never drown
because you always kept us afloat
Your ship was unsinkable
and it was stronger
than any other
Your mind has traveled farther than most
The experience you collected throughout the years
you were an epic tale in my eyes
A woven book
of summer kissed skin
It was something more than infatuation
and I craved to taste it

Rushing waves of euphoria and kilig left a bitter sweet taste. Busted lips and bruised knuckles were just remnants of what had happened that day. Addicted to the rush, you came everyday to play the same game.

The yelling,
the screaming,
the fighting,

it filled you up. You were no longer starving. Her touch was sweet, you loved the way she looked at you. Her enticing green eyes begged you stay. To not hurt her again. The way they pooled up and burst like a raging waterfall when you threatened to leave. The longing kisses, the tight hugs and whispering of lies. It’s what you dreamed of. You loved the romance but you were starving for so much more. And that’s why you kept coming back. You wanted to be hurt. Your broken heart screamed for it. But she had nothing but love to give.

I dream of you in colors that don't exist
It's shakes me awake at night
Curiousity on soft toned finger tips
A darkest plum color
Like secret rose hips
A cursed tonic
Whispers in the dark wood ballroom
Serving drinks to those
Allergic to skin jacking cross spirits

Theres just some
who know you're in pain
and will spend
forever
waiting for you

And I'd invite him in
no matter how long we've gone
apart
His warmth spreads over me
smoother than any
sweet bubbly poison
And when he kisses me
its slow
taking time to trace me
inch by inch

And as much as i hurt
as much as it kills me
to remember
those who have hurt me
I cant help
but want him to take more
of me
To kiss every piece of me
hold me
and look at me lovingly
with his mocha eyes

I cant help but think
I'll ever be
good enough
My hands shake
and my heart races
faster than any
parading drummer

Seeing you strikes
fear in me
That feeling of knives
digging further into
my lungs

That need for showers
so hot my skin
tingles for pain

That terrifying feeling
I cant seem to shake
No grunge filled song could
hold me tighter than
tonight

Mister aslyum kissing my
ears lightly with
his words

Maybe I'll sleep tonight
if i let Johnny's music
flow over me like
honey

In a chaotic
world of
media hungry
oil dumping
maniacs
We all seem to
build a
liquidized
bubble of opinions
that form
around our
bulbous heads
as infants
spewing knowledge
like an uncontrollable
spring

Our ideas
chopped down
Like oak trees
in a sparse
forest
No longer holding
that nostalgic
dream of
fighting dragons

Now only holding
what seems to
be a building
of self crippling
worthless merchandise
and rotting wood

Anyone else getting so
tired
of scrapping pennies
Meal stretchers
and cold with ripped
leggings
Fillin up on what was
suppose to be
last week's rent
Can't help not havin a real meal
since month 10
Sleepin on
Air mattress beds
Just tired

Look at me dangerously
with those mocha eyes
Still brewing
slow
steeping
you're hypnotizing
That daring cocoa butter stare
Sweet and deep with
secret bitter twists
Smokey and honey filled
you made my cup half full
on days it felt so empty
Sipping on your lips feels so
soul awakening

Not everyone will have a
palette
like your own
You crave new flavors
no one's ever heard of
The way those tangerine skies
just melt on your tongue
Cottony with golden hues,
it was your divine taste
in how you painted stories
The flavors,  spices and frothy words
made my lips tingle
Your hunger is what really kills me
You fill up on books ever night,
crisp waxy paper sticking to your
delicate fingers
The books pile high and you're still not full
Hunger is always a familiar
feeling
And the stacks of novels never seem to disappoint me with its height

i felt uneasy
in the arms
of a heart consisting of
candle wax
and brittle
bones
where *** hungry
feinds break their
teeth

loving someone so
fragile
was like a
glass house
who threw stones for protection
always and forever
on gaurd
i'd tiptoe through
the halls
as if the floors
were ice
and i had no choice
but to cross
i couldn't leave
because then
how could i relive
memories in a
different home?

I want to start off by saying
you were the most
                               intriguing
                  soul I had ever met

the way your jaw moved
   when you were embarrassed
or irritated
your face would scrunch up
and you'd blink hard
                                   letting out a gasp of sharp but smooth laughter
And I liked when
                you'd think
Your eyes would flickr like
             a lit candle
and every time you spoke
                 I couldn't help but want to bite those lips
    Gently of course
                       I hated when you were angry
                My body melted to nothing when you were sad
   And it felt as if my whole body would crumble to pieces

                          when you just

wanted
             to
                 be
                      alone

I'd lay there in bed
Thinking of you staring up at your ceiling
             hoping your storm would blow over

and you were yourself again

There was a time
where she smiled
for no reason

When dandelions
tickled her silly
and clouds
reminded her of marshmallow
fluff

When rain would drip down
in a waterfall of color
And she would itch
to taste
Its bitterness
To feel its depth of
icy kisses
To see it
fall like sullen
tears
and hear it sing sweet lullabies

All of her senses
seemed to melt
like candle wax

And when home became
a featherless memory
she would dream of
crisp ironed sheets,
creaky floorboards
and baked ******
bread

She was once jovial
Free
to roam
the invisible world
that thrived in forests
and oceans

That saccharine
saltiness
that rolled off her tongue
to whisper
now decomposed
wishes of
tomorrow

All they wanna hear about
Is your struggle
Rather your happiness
And compare theirs to yours

That stone filled
stomach feeling
Which leaves me aching
for days
Feels like glutony
for heartache
Tie me to a
cinder block and
push me off
your docks of
midnight madness
Then slowly but with
force
Swallow me whole
until i feel nothing
but falling
out of love

Is the only thing I think about now
Being tired is the only thing that consumes me
The obsessiveness to sleep eats me whole
And I just…

want
to
sleep

Everything seems like its swirling around me like a tornado
but to you it's a draft in a vacant house
Sleep, it's so simple
but it's the hardest thing I could ever obtain
the thought of never waking up again
is a craving i cannot feed
the cold fingers of anxiety grip me
and it's what leaves burn marks during steaming hot showers
it's the feeling of drowning in heavy piles of words made of dirt
mud, grease and sweat
every word has a taste, texture and smell that makes you
Lust for more. Ache for the words that will quench your thirst
Those words….they are the ones that keep you up at night

Those words are the ones that keep you waiting till 1 am but
they never seem to show
they are the ones you can't seem to grasp
The unspoken ones
The ones that make you studder
The ones that make you so frustrated that you can't think straight
They are the ones that make your lip quiver and heart ache
And that feeling for me will never go away

Amidst the thicket of people
stood, lanky and broad
a girl of color
Fine, smooth skin
That tasted of mint and
Charred woods
And with the crowd
she swayed like the waves
on a beach
Endlessly pushing the bank
with deep blues and moss green
Softly, her lips drawn
and eyes fixated on the swirling
lights that encased the room
Men and women
Of all shapes and colors
pirouette in an endless haze
that she couldn’t seem to grasp
Onward she looks
her hair flawlessly blankets
her diamond face
Fuzzy and smudged from
Cosnuming everything that left a lifelong sense
Of tingles and laughter
A man in the form of red
finds his way to her
They twirl, caper and sway
to the music that drowned out
their sense of mind
And with a sip
Of bitter juices that seemed
to melt her body like butter
She fell in his arms
Finally the moon sleeps
and the sun rises with happiness and glory
basking the earth in its light
awakes the girl with flawless hair
and midnight skin
Sheets stained with cranberry and
Steel
She soon realizes
She didn’t ask for this
the long smothering kisses
and ripping of fabric
She didn’t ask for the endless glasses
of tasteless drinks
and bruised skin
She didn’t ask for it

She stood on the edge of
the cliff,
admiring the flourescent
lights of doddling parties,
held for glutinous beings
who craved attention.
Powedered up in canceruous pink
and frilled garments.
They danced along with a
buzz that foreshadowed
a crash of glass and metal.
Bright green hair,
held back tight with soft blue
bows
She hopped down rock by rock
Letting her seaweed like locks
Swim through the wind
The music becomes louder and
faster
People drink until their stomachs
fill with sparkling poison

There was a time in my life
where i loved God so much
that i prayed desperatley
in the night
The moon washing
over me softly like silk
with tiny hands clasped together
i prayed for things to get better

Along with yellow stained walls
and a clatter of beer cans
off into the distant
I prayed

I thanked god
For giving me my mom
and grandmother
I thanked god for the food
That mom prepared for us
I thanked him for the roof
over my head
and for the waves of happiness
that the church brought to me
I prayed for my dad
I wanted him to care

The day i started to lose faith was like
the breaking of glass
I stood before a deacon
soaked from the rain
curls dripping down
my worn young face

I begged to be blessed again
I needed that feeling one last time
The overwhelming feeling of sunshine
warmth, and honey
I needed to feel God’s hand in
my life

To know he still existed
That he didn’t leave me alone
with my alcoholic dad
and shattered mom

That he was there ready
to give me strength

Days passed
weeks grew into months
and i was forgotten by the church

I began highschool
With empty hope that soon
withered away like an unwatered
flower

i felt his
heavy hands
pin me down
and panic
spreads throughout
me like
wildfire
there is no
going back
to those burnt
remains

I was walkin down the street
Saw a pretty girl with black hair
And ***** feet
She had no money
Her father spent it all on ****
Lonely and afraid she sat on corners
Wishin for a bite to eat

I told my teacher what i saw
And she said
If i had money to pay for meals
If i had it to pay these bills
If i stopped these wars that ****
I would do it but life ain’t fair
I teach these kids but they still fail
I work three jobs but i can’t bail
Life is hard. Life is rough.
Just go home kid and **** it up

I saw a man, working hard
He served his country
Now has no job
He’s pushin carts and collecting cans
Tossed aside from society
He has no plans

I told the mailman what i saw
And he said
If i had money to pay for meals
If i had it to pay these bills
If i stopped these wars that ****
I would do it but life ain’t fair
I do my job, i do it right
I return hot and tired each night
I have no family, i live alone
Life just ain’t fair kid
So just move along

There will be times
you will wake up
and realize that
sadness is
inevitable
That one person
you thought
could no longer hurt
your midday dreams
now aches
and swells
like an oil
burn from
early morning
soggy cakes
and black toast
That sadness
so deep
it feels like a
cold
empty well
that dreams to
hear the melodious
echos
of a young girl
And at times
tears will fall
watering the
withering lilies
of sleepless
nights
You'll fall madly
in love
It will consume
your soul
and leave butterfly
kisses on your
mended heart
No matter how well
you are doing
You will feel
that old pain
that sings softly
in the distance
And that's okay
because those bitter
sweet
droplets of
cloudy memories
made you
who you are
today

Your skin
warming like a fire
Ignites flames in me
when against my tongue
And if kissing every inch
of you was healing
I'd do it
I'd bathe you in sugar plum
and berry blue waters
Letting you savor every bit
and I'd watch it drip off of you ever so softly

Is as deep as anger
that burns beneath the cuts
on your lips
its a shiver of betrayal
and uncertainty
Red
Is the scream you let
burst out in a gust of wind
and ruins cities
destroys every little
quaint home that overlfowed
with purples and pinks
Red
Is the color that
beats beneath your ribs
and tingles your fingertips
Red
Is the color
that i never want to see
leave your skin
or flood the rivers in which
we swim
Red
is love
hate
and betrayal
Red
Is what fades into
the sea of orange
Yellows and greens
Red
Is what lightly kisses
the sky at dawn
It’s what makes others
love passionately
It’s what ends the life of some
Brings light to others
Red
Is what makes a night
of drinking and messy kisses
a blur of excitement
and dread
Red
Is what i fear

loving someone
who fears
emotion
is a tragic
love story

Cauliflower clouds

drip down my tinted blue

walls

leave behind a trickling

aurum river

so that i may lap up

Its shine

Bathe me

so that my burning skin

may be clean again

Free me

Ya know all I have is anger right
now
Got one trying to love me
but I can't right now
I don't have much to offer when I'm so broken down
anxious
Mixed drinks and myself spilled out on the pavement
Trying to collect what's left of me
broken up pieces I see you took what's left of me

Autumn colored day dreams
crash into me
Drink me slowly
like warm wine
wash me softly
your hands like the
cottony waves in the sky
kiss my skin
and leave behind
a starry night
Like smooth oils
paint me an imperfect
masterpiece

Lately the clouds
have been changing
their colors to
deathly grays

The air thicker than
swamp water
dripping down our
tar lined lungs

Our brains as brittle
as autumn leaves
crunching under your
zombified feet

My world has yet
to see light
Its skies no longer
full of gay colors

A funeral painted in my
eyelids
I mourn for the now
deceased beauty

I sometimes
don't wanna
exist
because why bother
waking up
in screaming
darkness
that makes me afraid
of heading to school
to feel all of the penetrating
sounds fall silent
Crusted sidewalks
with broken bottles
and ripped up
letters of empty
promises from family
members who never
show up
Empty stomachs
stained clothes
and a school system
who cares a little less
each day
But then there's
that one who makes the
day go from
dragging to
floating on cottony
childlike dreams
Whether it be
a parent
Or that sweetie
that turns your
cheeks red
I look forward to
that person
everyday
Once my eyes
flutter open
and the sun
spills its honey
milk rays
I think of
my sunflower
warm sweet
and undying
in my eyes

And at the attempt
of being normal
I was ever more
wild
than sane
I licked and gnashed my teeth
my hair a tease
nails dug straight into
self pity
Tearing it apart
piece by piece as if I were an
animal
and it were my prey
Leaving no trace of it behind
to claim

if i were
to explain
the feeling
of her lips
on mine
it would be
as if the stars
were to melt
into a river
of light
birthing sweet
honey suckle
blossoms

i love the
way
snow kisses
the earth
ever so lightly
first subtly
then
passionately