Hands shaking constantly,
heart beating out of my chest,
mind racing a million miles a minute.
Unable to eat,
unable to sleep,
barely able to choke down water.
Pounds disappear from under my skin,
down almost 20%.
Random bruises appearing,
my cuticles always bleeding.
I want to say I don’t enjoy it,
but the euphoria is worth it.
My queen loves me,
my ice queen,
my methamphetamine.

I don’t know which i miss more,
You?
Or the drugs?

None of my friends know about the time I spent addicted to the ice.
I was losing weight faster than normal,
over 20 pounds in three weeks,
and I just said it was stress.
I had dark circles under my eyes
and my skin lost all color.
I picked at every little flaw
and tried to hide it all.
They will never know about my time with the devil.
Or how he still owns my soul.

I want to say that I didn’t love the burn,
the one single tear falling.
I want to say that I only did it once,
but that would be a lie.
I want to say that I loved it more than you,
but you introduced me.
I loved it as much as I did you.

Everyone says that I look exactly like her,
but they don’t know how similar we are.
We have faced the same demons,
tasted the ice from satan himself.
We have fought the same beasts,
trying to avoid our addictions.
I may not get along with her,
but I walk the path she did,
and I can only hope to not lose my way

I felt as though i’d wandered into heaven
when i did my first line.
I felt untouchable and perfect,
but addiction did nothing for me.
As the pounds fell off my body,
I realized that i sold my soul to satan.

I was raised in the church.
I was taught that God, the almighty,
is kind and merciful and great.
I was taught that He has a plan.
But how can I believe in a god
that did this to me?
How can I have faith in a god
that has cursed my bloodline?
How can I love a god
that has never shown love to me?
How can I believe in a god
that has never believed in me?