Your words... they affect my feelings toward you...
Toward others...
They make me want to hide inside of myself...
Force me to know that whenever you speak to me...
It’s in anger or regret or maybe even compassion.
The words that you’ve spoken to me...They have hurt more than you think is capable.
Every time that you speak...It breaks me just a little more.
I never know what to say around you....in fear that.. you might get mad at the tiniest words that I may speak.
Your lies...
They’ve filled my head for years...
My whole life almost...
They occupy my thoughts...my mind... and most of all...my existence
The lies...the ones that you’ve taught me to believe in,
Sometimes just make me want to... scream ....at you...for making me believe them.
I should have known better than to...what was the word you’ve used?
Take you for your word.
You’ve always told me to do that.
I was once your....little girl you used to call me.
I was Daddy’s...Little Angel.
Your little Lee Lee.
My entire life...You haven’t been there for me.
You say that you are, but in truth....you never were.
When I was little you used to be...my hero.
Now, you’re rarely here...for the moments that matter in my life.
You haven’t been in a long time.
You may be here... physically, but... are you here...emotionally?
It seems that every time that you see me... you have to be... drunk or maybe high...
Just to get through my visit.
I thought that you were the one person... who was supposed to always be there for me!
I’m supposed to be able to look up to you.
To be able to just come to you just to cry over some stupid break up.
I’m not be the person that you think I am.
In reality, I’m a completely different person.
One that’s not afraid of anything.
One that’s not afraid to...stand up for myself ... to tell people how I want my life to be.
But now I’m taking a stand against your words and your lies.
I’m fighting for what I want and what I believe in.
You can stand on the side lines, if you like.
But never again will you stand in my way.

Damnably grey, I sink into
A lightless sea.  My breath falls
In gasps of air, my eyes
Shut as gas rises.  Dear Pity

May you have my lungs fill with
Cold, watery iron until the
Sharks carry my pieces like
Prayers to fishing boats.

Stuck in the colloid
Of my wasteful life I create
My own shadow - malachite jaw
Swallow me before I am

Forced to burn the belly of
A whale.  Moon thief lends
My paper body a dapple of stolen
Light to dry my soggy skin.

If only the black water could
Clean between my numb ears -
Instead it sits tepid and full of
Mosquitos leaking with eggs and blood.

All I wish is for a wind to
Uncloud me, for air to inflate
Me.  I breathe, I breathe -
More fool I.

The last words you said
Still ring in my head:
Protect me? What could you have done?

And it's sad.
Because it's true.

I wouldn't have known
What to do.

He opens his Star Wars: A New Hope lunch box
Inside a hippies dream.
**** in baggies that have the superman symbol
And Batman symbol on them
Tabs of LSD
And molly.
Hunter S. Thompson would have a field day

©Gambit '13