Days pass by
Your sweet smile fades
Disintegrating in the desert wind
My heart grows numb
I am careless

Life goes on without you
Its ok, I tell myself
You were never mine
Its ok, I tell myself
And I drown myself in words
Meaningless scribbles
What is there to write


         After you're gone?

Sink your teeth into my flesh
And let my arteries explode into your throat
It once had the tune of drums played
For the day of the dead
Where we first met in the ghosts of people
Long forgotten.
I would so much rather you
Chew the muscles of my soul and
Trap me inside of your growing black hole
So that I may see the stars shining brightly
For me in the end.

The strongest force in nature will erode
That seemingly unbreakable
Stone, marble, mountains firm and tall.
The river shapes, carves, molds
Creating the future, tracing the past.
The ocean surges, waves alive with breath
And whispers, “This was a battle I’d always win”.
The pull is deep and everlasting
And drowning might be worth a handful
Of pebbles and skipping stones.

Is there anywhere that I belong
Besides the empty pink room
Of my twelve year old memories?
I keep searching for the key
To unbolt the little rotted door
And let wholeness flood once more.
Maybe it was never meant for me
To know long lasting security
Without fleeing from what could be
Something to be ripped from me
again and again.

You are the silence after the rain
The scent of the wet aftermath
The earth holds its breath in renewal
I see you in the stillness between moments
When time feels less sharp
A rhythm that asks nothing
But gives everything.
The aches of the days dissolve
Like frost melting under the morning winter light
In your eyes, there is no urgency
Only infinite tenderness, a horizon of calm
You are not just a place to return to
But the quiet I carry deep within me.

Days move like smoke
Shifting, Slipping, Intangible
Dreams that I have clutched so tightly
Have unraveled in my hands
And I wonder if they were ever mine
Or just borrowed stories
I was too afraid to rewrite
Change comes quietly
Like a tide rising in the dark
Washing away all that once was.

Some endings are not always loud
Some you don’t notice until they’re already gone
This strange middle ground
Is not the version that I imagined

I am bruised but still standing
I am lost but still walking
And when I arrive , it will be a shedding
Layer by layer
Until I am bare
And afraid
And free.

I ran from the woman I couldn’t yet see
Her heart too wild, her soul too free
Lost in the ache of everyone else's touch
Fearing the depth of feeling too much.

So I stop running, though fear grips my hand
And face the mirror I can’t yet understand
Endless reparations made a mosaic of fire
A masterpiece born of struggle and desire.

But love waits softly, in shadows I chase
A quiet whisper, a tender embrace
In broken shards I start to believe
The woman I’m running from wants me to breathe.

Your hot breath still
Tortures me in my sleep.
At the most vulnerable moments,
You are a plague to my name.
How much more can you break me?
Please, God, let me give up
and let your blood seep into my bones.
You are the parts of me
I hate the most.
I wonder how much longer
Your grey skin and ***** fingernails
Will keep me up at night.