i study at the university of life and major in depression and anxiety

i'm done with you and all your ****
most people wouldn't live through your ****
but i did
i stayed because of what you "lead" me to believe
and i left when i was done
and you knew i would leave
spread your rumours
frankly i don't ******* care
believe i'm an abusive *****
nothing you do is worth my time
whoever believes you is not worth my time
so take your selective memory and stick it up your ***
at least (in public) you're doing it with class
goodbye
forever
you don't exist in my world
you're the shadow of the person next to you
the imaginary friend that i'm forced to talk to
and as far as our never existing friendship goes
it was a lie since the first day you thought we had something in common
so finally
for the last ******* time
goodbye

i don't know where to put you

your hands just under reach my skin
i'm not considered a victim
my bruises are on the inside
and the fault goes to me
i'm not abused

but yet

the thought of even adressing you makes me sad
"the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i ever had"
that line meant nothing until my sleep brought to my attention
my dad
i peel at my sanity
no more than a locked room
your words push me down the stairs
because they never speak the truth
especially when they force out the words *"i love you"

my emotions are confused
my emotions are unused
my emotions are scared to death of his
**emotional abuse

She reaches on tip toe
through windows and tries
to take hold of the outside
and gather it in,

for to feel the wind
and the pull of the tides
on the shrinking inside
of a life growing thin..

What is twinkling?
On the forest lake
Where is it from?
What doth it make?
The fool that I am
An idiot I are
It is the night sky
From the morning star

to the woman who saw right past my depression
thank you
you stopped me from doing something horrible to myself
to the woman who saw right past my depression
i hope you take your own advice and love yourself as much as it looks like you do
you’re the only cloud in my rainy sky who actually meant to strike thunder
your poured your heart out to me for a few minutes
and you’re probably my only meaningful memory
my life is a blur
my eyes clouded with tears
but when you said sad
you actually meant depression
and to the woman who saw right past my depression
i’m sorry
that my progress is non existent
that i was truly listening to a story i would never be in
i’m sorry that you think i’ll actually get better from this
that i didn’t express my feelings the way i was supposed to
in that moment
i swear i wish i had cried
because you’d probably say something
that would make me feel alive
instead of dead inside
because you and i both know
i was already triggered
i was swept into a ditch of lovely conversation and it reminded me how nobody listened
the only person who listen to me never heard me speak before
and that was you
you saw my eyes instead of my words
saw the plants
and not my world
so for the woman who saw right through my depression
saw the emotions i hid from the world
i hope someone does the same for you
because i know happiness can be a brick wall