Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Rj Nov 2015
I think right now I'm more in love
With running free in the wind,
My heart with God and my mind free
More in love with all of my friends,
More in love with people in general
More in love with the seasons
More in love with life
Than I am with any one person
And for now, I really like it that way
I am in love with everything. It's beautiful
Rj Apr 2015
Why do I feel like I am in love right now
Humming love  songs. Lol it's probably just spring happiness
Rj Jun 2015
I can only say
I love you
So much
Until I realize
The reason
You don't hear
Is because I am
Saying it
*In my head
Rj Nov 2015
I miss a lot of things about childhood
I miss the imagination of it all
I miss the stuffed animals and the outdoors
And the carefree feeling
Of not worrying about responsibility
I miss the other kids too
But I think what I miss most of all
Was the innocence of the mind and heart
No weight on my shoulders,
Just purity and smiles
No innuendos, ***** jokes, cuss words
Take all that away and only the
Giggles and smiles remained
Rj Mar 2015
Somehow I will make it through this year
Next year I will be as close to perfect as possible
A thought
Rj Dec 2015
It's obvious the memory still lasts,
I tried making it last for days
But I thought it would eventually go away
A small insignificant detail,
I made it a subconscious want
How on earth
Rj Feb 2015
Know your limits so that you can break through them
This quote helped me win gymnastics championships. I would know my limit was back tucks on balance beams, and I smashed through it. Maybe I should start applying this to my entire life.
Rj Nov 2015
Knowing that some people actually aspire to be like me,
Knowing I've somehow inspired some people, well,
That's the best feeling in the world
Thanks whoever group of people said that. It makes me remember that I can have a real impact
Rj May 2015
She hates it when I sleep with her
She hates it when I crawl in bed
She hates it when I get lonely
She hates it when I get scared
I am needy, and I need someone
Who loves it when I sleep with them
And loves it when I crawl in bed
Then I know I'll never be lonely
Then I know I'll never be scared
The she is my sister.
Rj Feb 2015
Be with me here is this moment
Quote from a teacher. Very applicable. Anyways sorry I haven't written long poems or even poems. I find short lines more meaningful recently??
Rj Mar 2020
Arms breaking, veins shredding
Dad breaking down the door
Wrapping my phone charger around my neck
Dark and flash and blood and gore

Stomach slit, red rivers run
Bed soaked down to my feet
Wrists slashed, rope tied
Hanging from a sheet
Rj Sep 2015
You have to realize that you're not invincible
The smallest of things can take you're life away
Sometimes we can be so reckless, without thinking of the consequences that could happen if we aren't careful
Rj Apr 2018
I don't know what to say
For there is not a single way
That I could make you stay

Everything is ending
But is anything beginning
What is worth my spending

I wrote you so that you'd know
That this has a chance to grow
Into a friendship we must sow

So I sit here writing, scheming
Awake but somehow dreaming
That nobody is leaving
That I am not alone.
Just a stupid reflection on things ending. And they are all ending so fast. This semester, therapy, and my weekly meeting with the Seminarians. I actually wrote Andrew (the main seminarian who I connected with) so that we could continue talking. He is a good listener and, well I didn't want him to go too. I am actually having a really hard time saying goodbye to my therapist, Scott, whom I love. Anyways. Idk why I decided to make a note on this
Rj Oct 2018
you doubt yourself
you grip the wheel
you turn it up
you scream, you squeal
you grit your teeth
you bang your head
you stop and park
you’re filled with dread
you gas it up
you hang up the phone
you take your time
to get back home
you yell at God
you apologize
you try to see
truth verses lies
you call your friend
you are alive
you pick her up
and make her drive
the lake is calm
but you are not
you try to breathe
it’s all you’ve got
Rj Oct 2015
It's everything that you would imagine it would be
Accents, good food, pasta, stone streets, small towns
Warm sunny days and dark cool nights
Warm smiles from small old men driving tiny yellow cars
Candles, and wine, homemade soap, family shops
Mustaches, tan skin, brown hair, and cigars
And me, running to meet every street cat at every corner
I could go on about it
Rj Sep 2015
It hurt,
And it wasn't personal
It hurt,
And they didn't notice
But
It hurt
It hurt
It *hurt
Rj Mar 2015
One day I will visit every mountain range,
I will jump out of a plane, parachute flying
I will sit and watch all the seasons change
And camp out on the beach, chicken frying
On day I will find someone to do it all with me
And the 'I' in each of these lines will turn to *we
Rj Oct 2015
You say i just want to put it in the past
But your words keep ringing,
Conversations keep replaying
Rj Apr 2015
Some people don't
understand the
power they have
Until it's too late
Rj May 2018
Have you ever watched a person crumble
Their eyes glaze over like the surface of a frozen lake
They dissolve like the pills I didn’t take this morning, right in front of you
Hands clenched, jaw clenched, eye brows knitted into a tight patchwork
A small smile, a nod, and a chuckle whose brevity is outmatched by the shear amount of pain released in one gasp
You get a taste of what’s been brewing in the coffee *** of a soul that’s gone sour
You get a glimpse of a soldier captured by the enemy, sitting stagnant in prison
Awaiting the day that their nation returns to free them in a victorious stampede, little do they know the war has been long over and lost
So have you seen a person so gutted from the inside that they posses the stench of an empty carcass
Have you seen a person crumple, a paper plane gliding into a pond, a house of cards in a hurricane
I’ve seen a person melt
I’ve seen them disappear
Deep
Rj Sep 2016
"I worry about you"
He said in a condescending cold voice.

Worry about me how?
Do you worry I don't like you
Do you worry I do things to spite you
Do you worry I'm emotionally unstable
Or do you worry I just won't make it in life.
Because if it's the last line then I guess I have to prove you wrong but what if you're right?
Rj Apr 2015
I would be there if you'd let me
Rj Mar 2015
More tortuous than anything is the human heart,
beyond remedy; who can understand it?*
"The heart always wants what is good of course,
But sometimes we do not know what is good,
Only that our heart wants it, and it ends up
Not being what God wanted for us,
Or what was good for us, and it causes the most pain
The human heart is truly a mystery" ~Mr Reed
God directly answered me, I literally asked Him right before, and this spoke like no other.
Rj May 2018
I’m the jigsaw puzzle that someone lost the last piece of
Rj Feb 2015
If you love me
If you love me
Let it happen
I won't care
Little things like this get to me
Rj Dec 2016
Jump
Don't jump
Jump
Don't jump
Jump
Don't jump

Don't jump
Rj Mar 2014
A slight breeze
Tall soft grass
Sun shining
Birds chirping
Soft noise of
Tall grass rustling
Close your eyes
Only to open them
And see darkness
Hear your bedroom
Fan turning.
It was a dream...
******.
Rj Feb 2016
When you see me crying
Why do you turn away
When I feel like dying
Why do you want to play
When I tell you I'm not fine
Why don't you really worry
When you see me in the hall
Why are you always in a hurry
When I tell you why I'm in pain
Why to you is it just a game
Rj Apr 2015
I want to kiss someone
Just for the experience Ya know?
Rj Apr 2015
I'm just like my mother
I cry sometimes thinking
No one will ever actually
Fall in love with me
I'm being impaitent and ridiculous I guess but this is exactly what my mom did and look who she married
Rj Aug 2014
Somehow today I saw disappointment on your face
And something just snapped inside of me
How does my 4.125 GPA not please you?
How does balancing my honor role with
Being one of the starters on the basket ball team
unsatisfactory
How does going to ******* Tulane for neuroscience
Not good enough.
What about going to state for track WHILE
maintaining mostly A's just okay
I get this feeling you don't appreciate me
As much as you should,
A daughter that her reasoning for striving
To do everything perfectly
Is to please you
Because I feel like I still haven't quite done it yet.
Rj Dec 2016
You used to call me you're little kangaroo
Because I was always kicking
Through the womb, in the bed, at dance class
Always kicking
And even though you don't call me
You're little kangaroo anymore,
Mom, I'm still kicking
Don't let me stop kicking
Rj Apr 2015
maybe its just a phase but
when did I become so distant?
Rj Jun 2015
And we think about it
A simple pure act of love
We fanatsize about its taste
About its warmth
About what's to come
About it being the last
The pressure, the tension
How can I write all this
When this beautiful thing
*Has never happened to me
Im not complaining, I know itll happen. Funnh how I can guess though
Rj Apr 2015
No one has ever felt the urge to meet my lips
Rj Oct 2014
Kisses don't scare me anymore
Even though they seem gross
I think I could tolerate the feeling
Of lips on lips, for a second
Wait not for a second.
*for minutes
Rj Sep 2016
Just some advice:
Don't run a knife and run it over the very spot you knew I used to cut on purpose
This isn't being sassy it's just a genuine piece of advice
Rj Mar 2015
The care and concern that flooded his eyes when I told him I was hurt was like no other
Letting me skip clas, ride in his golf cart, driving me back and forth, telling me stories
I'm not ashamed to admit he was one of the most caring father figures in my life
I'm not just saying that. Even my friend saw the connection between us, and pointed it out all the time. He really did do all those things for me. I never knew how much I was attached until he decided to leave. I will always remember him.
Rj Jan 2017
It's a new year but it feels like another trap. It feels hopeless it feels worthless. 2017, I graduate in three months but it feeling pointless it feels meaningless. Before I drift to sleep I lay staring at the ceiling and I think of nothing and tears well up and my mind goes numb enough for me to allow myself to sleep instead of staying up because staying up could only mean one thing and sleeping is like death but only temporary. I pop five of my moms anti anxiety pills and even though the mg I took is a safe and normal dose and some people regularly take more than one pill and I'm just trying to make myself sleep before I get worse and it works. It works. But I can't help thinking about what I felt when I swallowed five big white pills. I felt rebellious I felt numb at the same time. I felt final. Something felt final. I felt peace as I closed my eyes and quickly prayed to God that He'd forgive me tonight because I took the pills for the wrong reason. Or did I? Wasn't I just staying alive? Or was I testing dying? Was I doing it to sleep? Or could I have slept on my own? Probably not. It was probably best I took them. They help with anxiety and help with sleep and it was a perfectly fine dose, although a little high for a first time use and I felt dizzy but good as my body relaxed and I sunk into a slumber. I made sure I told my best friend I loved her in case but I knew I'd wake up. It wasn't a suicide attempt. Twice that amount probably wouldn't have killed me. It wasn't the intent. I promise it wasn't the intent. I really just wanted to sleep. Okay? No I didn't want to just sleep. But I certainly didn't want to stay awake and allow myself to truly get what I thought I wanted. Do I want it? Well do I? Yes. Wait no. No. Yes. No. I don't want it (but I did)
Don't go freaking out on me. On the conscious level I just wanted to really get to sleep quickly. I won't do it again (I have no more of those pills). I was just exploring the possible subconscious level.
Rj Oct 2015
Once again, I was riding high
Forgetting, but not really, just pushing it far far back
When things settled down, and the mood shifted
My mind began replaying, like a cassette tape
And I got so sick, I threw up everything in my stomach
For an entire fifteen minutes, I laid on the bathroom floor
Muffling cries as I clutched the toilet, retching  
No one noticed, which was probably a good thing
So I stumbled out, weak, shaky, still twisting inside
And walked to my car, locking myself in,
And I asked God why? I pleaded Him to help, help me please
I sat sprawled across the seats screaming, no, wailing
It all came out, everything, no more smiles or highs
Just pure agony, pure defeat, I gave up and threw my hands up
Banged the windows, shook with violent sobs,
I called for God, I called for someone, help, forgiveness
Anything.
My throat was burnt from the reflux of acid and tears I swallowed
And my eyes went dry after I took deep breaths
Then I sat. There in my car. Silent. Not a sound. Staring
Thinking of almost nothing
And I wiped my face, took another breath, and went upstairs
Joining my friends to watch a movie.
Rj May 2015
They are just words, cloaked lies of pity for the girl that couldn't be appealing
Don't stare at me because though you say you look in awe it's been engraved in my brain that you're looking in disgust
Rj Dec 2014
Mid April, during Easter
I thought of the closest person to me
And I thought of you
And slowly, it all went deeper
Early May, listening to you
As we sat on that last blue bench
Breezy, yellow caution tape
You told me how you wanted
Anyone to love you
And I looked into your eyes
Wishing to telepathically say it
But you were looking beyond me
Maybe it was her, or her
But it was not me
And after two straight months
Of texting you about how
I needed someone, anyone to love too
I gave up, and slowly moved on
But. There's no denying
I never fell harder
Lc
Rj Jun 2015
Lc
I miss you
I miss us
I miss being close
And friendly
The way we joked
And wrestled
And got muddy
The way we laughed
And admired
How we shared
How we hid
I miss being your friend
Because if I can't
Be your lover
Then I promise
I'll still make
The perfect *friend
Rj Feb 2016
The numbness has begun to fade
And now I descend into panic
As every single ******* thing
I've been through and never told
Every single thing I never
Had the chance to cry about
Every single ******* thing
I've held in since I was six
Is bursting at my seams,
And no amount of stitches
Can keep it from leaking out
Rj Sep 2014
What I've learned from my parents
My parents have taught many things,
And this has given me insight
So now I know what to do from the mistakes they've made:
Accept your kid, whatever ****** orientation they may be
Don't act like you know everything,
For all you know your child may be right
Once you make your point, shut up
Don't keep repeating the same thing
Let your kid express them selves,
If they like Bob Marley then let them own Bob Marley apparel
Don't pressure sports and grades to wear they get stress migraines
Don't scream at your child to where they cower in fear when your angry
Let your child know they can always come and talk to you
All of these things I've learned because my parents are the opposite, and have made mistakes that I now see
These mistakes can scar your child
However thy are still amazing parents and I love them to death, I just wish they'd do some of these things.
Rj Oct 2018
I am afraid in time you'll see
I'm worse than what you think of me
And everyday you'll fantasize
Of life without my lifeless eyes
Honesty is hard to show
When I'm scared it will make you go
And if I learn to love like you
Would that possibly be enough too?
What if I was created to be
A person without any company

I want to think I was made for love
But when I look to the sky above
The clouds don't part and the sun doesn't shine
How could you possibly want to be mine
A reflection on doubts about my ability to be a person worthy of love. Most of the time I believe I am. It's only when I am going through an episode that I don't.
Rj Apr 2015
Everything is different
I'm looking through
A different lens
Everyone is different especially you
Rj Feb 2015
My childhood obsession
Posters littered my walls
I even had your eyebrows
Marked upon my face
What a man for an amazing
Character
RIP Leonard Nimoy aka the original Spok. Live Long and Prosper
Rj May 2015
I'm tired of holding myself up
I'm tired of standing
I want someone to carry me
I want someone to sit with me
I need someone right now
It sounds selfish. Well I'm sorry. I am constantly worrying about others. So let me have this one.
Rj Aug 2016
Well since none of my friends go on here anymore,
Boy, do I just want to kiss someone,
And I know I've said it before, but I want more
I want to be grabbed by someone and pulled in tight
And I want to kiss them, I want to be kissed by them
I want to kiss until I am too tired to do anything
Some deep pre teen desire pushing me further in
To this want for physical affection in the most
Intimate way
It's killing me man.
Next page