I'm still sick to my stomach
You can't act like its normal
Say it's in the past,
Because the feeling is still
Oh so present

And yeah I let you use me from the day that we first met
But I’m not done yet
Falling for your fool’s gold
And I knew that you turned it on for everyone you met
But I don’t regret falling for your fool’s gold

Something is not right,
I'm telling you
Something is not right

Crashing into me like waves on the coast
Wrecking ball dancing down the hallways

Do you ever just picture how perfect it could be
Only for a second,

I need someone
Right now

When your parents are asking about boys and boyfriends
Do you ever wanna just get it over with and scream in their face,
*I AM GAY

What if you thought you deserved every bit of it

I'd tell you
But I keep getting the feeling
You're tired of hearing it

I'm trying to be great
And simply survive
At the same time

You cannot play that card
You cannot play that ******* card
*******
You *******

I want to love someone
I want to Be in love with someone
I want someone to love me back
I want the nauseous butterflies
I want the heart flutters,
I want someone to care
I want someone to love Me
I don't want to wait, but
I know I'm not ready for love
And love isn't ready for me
And I'll know when the time comes
But I'm just getting a little impatient
Of waiting for someone to get me.

Miles mean nothing when the trouble isn’t on the road

I never really understood the feeling of flames and fire
Until now

I'm sorry if I say I need you
I don't care, I'm not scared
Of love
When I'm not with you I'm weaker
Is that so wrong? Is that so wrong?
You make me strong

I could see it in your eyes
The pain you felt for me

(This isn't a poem so don't even bother)
Because here's the deal
I hate it when I want to write about things that scare me, my fears, my past
And I have to be worried that people on here will read it and wonder if I'm okay? Wonder if I need help, feel pity towards me? I don't know if they would
Because I promise you all I am somehow 10x stronger because of the **** that's gone down
And maybe it's not that much ****, but it's a lot to me
A lot to recreate how I think, move, feel, sense
I just want to be able to talk about this and not get those stares like "oh my god this girl must be messed up because of that. She must be depressed or something"
I know what depressed is
I know what cutting is
I know anxiety is
But that's not me
That's a girl who got lost
Very lost.
She isn't and never will be me. Ever.

I hate how I think I'm better off
And I end up ******* myself
I hate how almost every memory of sophomore year is painful.
Some are beautiful pains
And some are dark dark pains.
I hate how I have to filter myself on this site
I hate how I'll write something and end up deleting the whole thing because what's the point of posting something on private of I'm the only one who will read it.
I hate how I can love people so much,
So so much
But I end up hardening up about it
Speechless and slightly ******
I hate how no one will actually read this, or if they do they won't read it slowly
I hate how I'm using hate because I don't think I truly hate anything except sin and evil.
I want sunshine and stupid cliche picnics and board games and skating and everything I say I'll do but never end up doing
And I can't say I love you to anyone enough to express god I love you
And I'm sorry you haven't heard it
And I promise I'll work on it

They are just tear stains, they'll wash out

don't tell me this is a bad idea
I should have remembered
I have trust issues

There comes a moment when you want to write about something so beautiful
That it refuses to be transcribed into ink, and you're stuck with only memory

Nothing much to say except I've been happy without it

I would like to sincerely apologize to everyone for being a disappointment

I miss you, the old you
The you who cared
The you who I loved

not even these poems explain it

I just feel really ******* stupid

It's worth it to me

I want the flutters
The kisses
The eye contact
The breath
The touch
*The feel of somone else

Not a poem
I would like to explain why I've been distant and angry lately
I recently caught my dad doing something earlier this week
And, well honestly, it was pretty hard but I didn't want to tell
Because you've all heard it before, it just struck a nerve this time
So I'm sorry sorry sorry for being an ***. I actually love you all
Very very much

You have to open your eyes and realize
*That could be you

Some things are better left unsaid

I want to be able to look at someone like that
I want to be able to touch someone like that

It's funny because I know,
I know why
And I keep trying

What's the point of even writing if you have to monitor what you say, even on this website

Make it stop

If I could say one thing to you
Before you were ripped away
I'd say you saved a life or too
I'd fall and beg you to stay
If I had one role model
I'd defiantly say it was you
You have the purest heart of all
And that I know is true

It wasn't yours to tell

I'm going to end up killing myself

It's so ******* hard to look these people in the eyes
And I try, but no matter how much I write about it
It's never gotten easier, especially with those people

I just keep searching and searching
For the person you once were to me
Because I know you're still that person

and vise versa right

But will someone ever look at me
And like the little things I do

Part of me screams get away
Part of me screams you have to stay

When more than one person calls you unattractive
And all in a matter of only two days
It really does stuff to you

Spaces between us
Hold all our secrets
Leaving us speechless

Here I go again

I'm trying to hold it together

I can't believe it
You want me to stay single,
Lonely, and unhappy
So you can have the
Feeling of someone crushing on you
Because your boyfriend doesn't do it enough.
Unbelievable.
News flash I actually care about myself.