Once again, I was riding high
Forgetting, but not really, just pushing it far far back
When things settled down, and the mood shifted
My mind began replaying, like a cassette tape
And I got so sick, I threw up everything in my stomach
For an entire fifteen minutes, I laid on the bathroom floor
Muffling cries as I clutched the toilet, retching
No one noticed, which was probably a good thing
So I stumbled out, weak, shaky, still twisting inside
And walked to my car, locking myself in,
And I asked God why? I pleaded Him to help, help me please
I sat sprawled across the seats screaming, no, wailing
It all came out, everything, no more smiles or highs
Just pure agony, pure defeat, I gave up and threw my hands up
Banged the windows, shook with violent sobs,
I called for God, I called for someone, help, forgiveness
Anything.
My throat was burnt from the reflux of acid and tears I swallowed
And my eyes went dry after I took deep breaths
Then I sat. There in my car. Silent. Not a sound. Staring
Thinking of almost nothing
And I wiped my face, took another breath, and went upstairs
Joining my friends to watch a movie.