Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Nov 2015 · 268
Got to Go
Rj Nov 2015
Going to give up again huh?
Like the last time
And the time before that
And the time before that
I'm numbing up to you
I should be warming up to you
Not numbing
But you've pushed me
Like the many times you have before
But you've metaphorically pushed me
Off the ******* edge
And if I wasn't so ******* numb
Then the pain would simply be
unbearable
So quit, lie, cheat, give up
Fine.
I cannot afford to care
Nov 2015 · 586
A side note:
Rj Nov 2015
I can't tell you how tired I am of people trying to control my relationships with other people
Trying to tell me who not to date who to date, getting mad at me for choosing one way or another
I am not your daughter
I am not dating you
So why can't you just be happy that I am freaking happy?
Geez people. Trust me I know the difference when one of my friends is looking out for me, and I know the difference of just being upset that I found someone I might date meaning I won't be paying as much attention to you. I appreciate all of my friends and I heavily consider all the advice they give. Trust me it's probably not about you. This is directed at a select few people who simply are jealous that I am finally interested in someone that might be interested in me
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
Sin
Rj Nov 2015
Sin
Do you like the way it makes you sick?
Do you swim in the nauseous waves?
How do you live through the guilt
How do you live through the shame
Do you get the feeling afterwards
That you're even more lost and sad
Than before?
Nov 2015 · 256
Striking a Chord
Rj Nov 2015
Does something ever strike a chord within you?
A cord that when plucked, just vibrates with intensity
And you sit there, with the steady hum inside you
Nov 2015 · 201
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Gasoline//Halsey not mine
Nov 2015 · 564
Innocence
Rj Nov 2015
I miss a lot of things about childhood
I miss the imagination of it all
I miss the stuffed animals and the outdoors
And the carefree feeling
Of not worrying about responsibility
I miss the other kids too
But I think what I miss most of all
Was the innocence of the mind and heart
No weight on my shoulders,
Just purity and smiles
No innuendos, ***** jokes, cuss words
Take all that away and only the
Giggles and smiles remained
Nov 2015 · 339
Waiting to be Me
Rj Nov 2015
It's like I'm waiting to be myself again
Like I'm not ready yet,
Like Im clay already molded,
But sitting in the oven baking,
Still a little soft
Not ready to face the world yet
I know who I am,
I know who the girl inside is
Maybe you vaguely remember her
From long ago, it's been so long
She's coming back
You just can't see her yet
Trust me, you just can't see her yet
I feel like only I can understand what I'm saying in this poem. If it's confusing just forget it
Nov 2015 · 227
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
I think it's the change of the seasons
I don't have to do anything
God please help me, help me
Why can't I just be
Nov 2015 · 119
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
I need to control this
Just for a little while
Then I'll let go
Nov 2015 · 325
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
I can't help it
*I can't help it
Silly but true
Nov 2015 · 394
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
don't tell me this is a bad idea
I should have remembered
I have trust issues
I am a foolish foolish person
Nov 2015 · 175
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
I would say that's good
but that's not how I feel
Nov 2015 · 430
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
So I thought something
But now I'm starting to think
Was I wrong
Not about what I was thinking obviously I still think that way. It's about someone else's way of thinking but I wouldn't read into it. I have to stop assuming what other people think
Nov 2015 · 322
Red Reasoning
Rj Nov 2015
I can't help the butterflies
I can't cage them, no
The pigment in my cheeks
Is a dead give away isn't it?
But I can't, can I?
I shouldn't, should I?
I want to? Will I?
There are limits,
I won't break,
promises I won't make
But a chance I would take
Yes, a chance I will take
I know I know
Nov 2015 · 202
In Love
Rj Nov 2015
I think right now I'm more in love
With running free in the wind,
My heart with God and my mind free
More in love with all of my friends,
More in love with people in general
More in love with the seasons
More in love with life
Than I am with any one person
And for now, I really like it that way
I am in love with everything. It's beautiful
Rj Nov 2015
When the air ran out and we both started running wild
The sky fell down
But you've got stars in your eyes
And I've got something missing tonight
Not mine
Nov 2015 · 180
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
As time goes on
There are something that won't change
:)
Nov 2015 · 971
Missing Steamboat
Rj Nov 2015
I'm missing the smell of sunscreen splattered in white blotches across my wind chapped cheeks, that will soon blend in with the snow
I'm missing the three layers of socks I yank on and stuffing my boots with shakeable hand warmers because my toes always freeze
I miss the sound of heel toe heel toe heel toe as the hard plastic boots click against grated metal stairs down to the buses
I miss the smell of hot chocolate and barbecue in the air and snow flurries tenderly kiss my face floating downwards
I miss the sound of the chair lifts thud thud thud and clicking my skis together to shake off the fresh powder that has accumulated
I miss the sound of my poles hitting each other accidentally, and the dots they make in fresh champagne powder between the glades
I miss the feeling of relief when I ski into the four points lodge by sunshine peak and grab a cafeteria trey and get my usual macaroni and cheese
I miss the feeling of watching snow flurries melt as they land inside my hot chocolate that tastes cheap and watery but so warm
I miss singing songs on the lifts, especially the quads, and deciding which runs to do next, black blue or green?
I miss saying mountain words like "elk head, jackrabbit, slopes, hockey stop, sunshine express, morningside, storm peak, thunder- head" the list goes on
I miss feeling completely at home in a helmet, huge goggles, fleece chilis and a ski jumper
I miss Steamboat, I miss skiing, I can't wait for this year.
Nov 2015 · 209
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
And I'll be gone, gone tonight
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I've been holdin' on too tight
With nothing in between
Story of My Life//One Direction, not mine
Nov 2015 · 160
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
Can you at least pretend like you're happy for me?
Can you for once be happy that something good happened to me?
Is it so hard to take the spotlight off of yourself once and a while?
I mean. Literally everything good that happens to me you shoot down and belittle my excitement.
Nov 2015 · 213
Inspire
Rj Nov 2015
Knowing that some people actually aspire to be like me,
Knowing I've somehow inspired some people, well,
That's the best feeling in the world
Thanks whoever group of people said that. It makes me remember that I can have a real impact
Nov 2015 · 172
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
I'm swaying back and forth
And no one will push me
In one direction
Hahaha I said one direction
Nov 2015 · 342
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
It's funny that if I were forced to choose
I know exactly who I'd run to
Nov 2015 · 270
Untitled
Rj Nov 2015
(This isn't a poem so don't even bother)
Because here's the deal
I hate it when I want to write about things that scare me, my fears, my past
And I have to be worried that people on here will read it and wonder if I'm okay? Wonder if I need help, feel pity towards me? I don't know if they would
Because I promise you all I am somehow 10x stronger because of the **** that's gone down
And maybe it's not that much ****, but it's a lot to me
A lot to recreate how I think, move, feel, sense
I just want to be able to talk about this and not get those stares like "oh my god this girl must be messed up because of that. She must be depressed or something"
I know what depressed is
I know what cutting is
I know anxiety is
But that's not me
That's a girl who got lost
Very lost.
She isn't and never will be me. Ever.

I hate how I think I'm better off
And I end up ******* myself
I hate how almost every memory of sophomore year is painful.
Some are beautiful pains
And some are dark dark pains.
I hate how I have to filter myself on this site
I hate how I'll write something and end up deleting the whole thing because what's the point of posting something on private of I'm the only one who will read it.
I hate how I can love people so much,
So so much
But I end up hardening up about it
Speechless and slightly ******
I hate how no one will actually read this, or if they do they won't read it slowly
I hate how I'm using hate because I don't think I truly hate anything except sin and evil.
I want sunshine and stupid cliche picnics and board games and skating and everything I say I'll do but never end up doing
And I can't say I love you to anyone enough to express god I love you
And I'm sorry you haven't heard it
And I promise I'll work on it
Oct 2015 · 163
Untitled
Rj Oct 2015
I'm scared
I'm so so scared
Oct 2015 · 256
Slow Motion
Rj Oct 2015
How can this be normal now
How am I not phased by this
I sat in a room and watched
My family break apart and
Somehow it's all slow motion
Well. I knew things weren't okay. Still alive but I'm barely breathing
Oct 2015 · 351
Stained Glass
Rj Oct 2015
The more I look the more I see that people aren't transparent windows,
They are mosaics of glass, stained, like the kind in an old church
Made up of several different pieces glued together to make a whole,
Each piece showing a different color, a different shade of that person,
When looked at closely it looks messy, strange, and sometimes incomplete
But only back up and see the whole person, shards working together
To make a beautiful whole, that when the light shines through,
An array of colors and beauty is cast on everything around it
Oct 2015 · 446
Bath Water
Rj Oct 2015
I slipped under the hot blanket of water
Feeling enveloped, surrounded, consumed
It felt dark and warm and I felt closed, safe
But when I opened my eyes, I saw
That I was under a false impression of security,
And was just as naked and exposed as before.
Don't take this as my needing to be shut off from society or people. It just feels nice to slip under a warm blanket sometimes. It feels safe.
Oct 2015 · 313
Untitled
Rj Oct 2015
"For I couldn't write an encyclopedia that would describe you well enough"
God has blessed me, honestly, with the most amazing friend.
Oct 2015 · 376
The Things We Say
Rj Oct 2015
I think some of the worst things we say say to day
Are shut up and I don't care
Telling someone to shut up is so awful, when thought about
You are literally telling them to stop talking,
Training them to silence themselves
And telling someone you don't care,
Well that's almost the same,
Because having feelings towards something
Means you care
And saying you don't care means you have no feelings
Towards the thoughts, the emotions of the other person
And that, no matter how trivial,
Can really hurt people
Oct 2015 · 263
Analysis of an Analysis
Rj Oct 2015
I think, after a night of pondering, that I would have to disagree
I don't think I am simple enough to only have three categories
In fact, every person gives me different feelings, just as they should
And if what was said was true, then what category would be you?
For every person has made me sad, or angry, and every person has made me happy too
And I've never, ever, found a person to be evil, or purely bad in my eyes
And I'd say that I am fairly forgiving, given the circumstances
And just because one person in my life has made me permanently weary
Does not mean that is some category my mind drops people in
I can't think of one person I hate, at all, in fact, I love every person
And I don't think I am that simple of a person, to only have three categories either
And I wonder what category (if we are going by the proposed system)
You would fall into, since, you've made me cry and very sad,
But somehow make me happy and calm as well?
I would say that people, in my mind, are too complex to be categorized
I could not put two people in the same category, they just don't match
And I certainly think that I am more trusting and forgiving than people think
Perhaps my circumstances have made me even more so
And I do not think that people can be broken down and analyzed
To where their mind, in someone else's eyes, is plain to see,
Therefore I don't think that my mind, which I know all too well
Can be broken down by someone into a mere few sentences
For I couldn't write an encyclopedia that would describe you well enough,
Just as I could not do the same for any other person
And I know, trust me, your aim was not to dehumanize or break me down
And I know I took this to heart, but trust me you would too,
I just am not simple enough to have three categories to describe how I feel about people.
This is no attack, nor is it a subtweet. It's a direct statement of my opinion on your opinion of my minds way of dealing with people. I think i could never categorize people. At all. I can't think of two people in the same category. And I could never have a category of "bad people who once they do wrong are never forgiven", because I could not tell you one person I would put in that category. And that leaves two more, the people who make me "happy and could do no wrong", and the "bad people I try to fix but never could". I don't think anyone is evil or bad, and I certainly have never thought of someone who could do no wrong in my eyes. People to me cannot be categorized because they are a concoction, and I tried real hard last night to categorize people and I could not do it. I just do not think I am a simple thinker like that, and I disagree with the assessment. Obviously I'm not angry, and obviously everyone anayalzes people in their mind. I just disagree.
Oct 2015 · 280
Traces
Rj Oct 2015
What you didn't realize is that you left traces of yourself behind
Rj Oct 2015
"Where does it hurt?"
Everywhere
"Specifically?"
I guess right here
"Your heart?"
Yeah
"That's not a good sign"
"How long has it hurt"
A while I guess
"When is it worse?"
At night and sometimes day
"This could be serious"
"We will take you up for a scan"
Doctor?
"Yes?"
*Please make it go away
Oct 2015 · 357
Dancing
Rj Oct 2015
When I dance I feel alive
I feel the rhythm in my bones
I feel the beat in sync with myself
I feel my heart beat faster
My body moves with passion
I feel like there is something special
Something noticeable about me
When I step onto the dance floor
I feel like myself, completely
It doesn't matter if it's 80's or hip-hop. What matters is I'm happy. I should have done more dancing in my life, like join a team or practice at a facility. I don't care if I look like an uncoordinated awkward bony kid I love it. A lot.
Oct 2015 · 198
Untitled
Rj Oct 2015
Not only am I not an option
But I've finally ran out of them
Option-less. I feel like I can't control anything that happens in my stupid ******* life. I have a limit on what clothes I can buy, what is acceptable to go out in public in, what grades are okay, how I play in basketball, what people think about me, and now it's where I go to college. I might as well tie strings around my legs and feet so you can better control me, why not make it easier?
Oct 2015 · 192
Option
Rj Oct 2015
Sometimes I feel like I am the person everyone says is totally cute, datable,  
But I swear I'd never be an option in their eyes
I hate to be whining but my goodness can you not look up and see? Or am I really not an option to you? Will I even be an option to anyone? I swear people don't think of my name and think "hm what if I dated her"
Anyways forgive this ****** whine
Oct 2015 · 552
Italy
Rj Oct 2015
It's everything that you would imagine it would be
Accents, good food, pasta, stone streets, small towns
Warm sunny days and dark cool nights
Warm smiles from small old men driving tiny yellow cars
Candles, and wine, homemade soap, family shops
Mustaches, tan skin, brown hair, and cigars
And me, running to meet every street cat at every corner
I could go on about it
Oct 2015 · 627
San Juan Islands
Rj Oct 2015
Sitting on a rock, sweatpants and sneakers
Long hair, skinny, looking out, wind blows
Fir tree needles scratch the back of my neck,
Eyes locked on to a pod of whales, orcas
Breathing fast because I ran to get there
Close my eyes and let the wind toss my hair,
It's cold, and the air smells like lavender
And I pull my knees to my chest, smiling
These aren't the beach islands. They are the San Juan islands off the coast of Washington, near Seattle. Went there once. Stayed for two nights in a loft. They are kind of mountainous islands, and cold. We got there by ferry boats. Lots and lots of whales, especially orcas. It's beautiful, and I want to go back.
Oct 2015 · 852
Pepto Bismol
Rj Oct 2015
Behind closed lids, my eyes darted back and forth
As if trying to see something in the darkness,
As if the dreams were real, the thoughts, the tales
I knew from that point, sleep would not come easily
Suddenly the posters on my walls flew about,
Trying to confuse me, just like the furniture,
I rehearsed the words I would say, if suddenly, one day
And I tossed and turned, wide awake, eyes shut tight
Hiding my face from the furniture, and posters
And eventually I shakily tip toed to the kitchen
And gulped down two giant table spoons of pink liquid
As a last stitch effort to remind myself I was not being watched
When I was little, I had nightmares, and insomnia really. Just couldn't sleep because of the bad guys. So I would stay awake shaking until I got the nerve to get my numb body out of bed and beg my mom to give me something to cure my made up stomach ache. Every night, I would drink pepto Bismal so that I could walk hand in hand with my mom down the hall and through my house, and I would hesitantly check every corner of the dark house to make sure everyone was safe. Last night, embarrassingly enough, I got scared, and for the first time in a long while I drank some more of that comforting liquid
Oct 2015 · 145
Untitled
Rj Oct 2015
I miss you, the old you
The you who cared
The you who I loved
Lc
Oct 2015 · 308
Phone Friendships
Rj Oct 2015
You know what I can't stand?
What really just, beyond words, aggravates me
Maybe not even aggravates,
Maybe it's more like, it makes me so sad
Hurt, if you will
Why can't my friends look at me,
Or anyone else for that matter
Because I can tell you
The number of times you retweeted something,
The number of times you clicked like
The number of times you watched a video loop
Was a hell of a lot more than you even
Glanced anyone else's way
If friendship is so **** important,
Then is it you're holding you're phone
Closer than you ever held me?
It just can really make someone feel less valued. What ever happened to "friends not phones". This may see, petty, but I don't really care at all. I'm so tired of going places or visiting friends and they can't put their **** phone down, even when I try to talk to them. This is to ALL my friends. And me too. Because when they all get in their phones and aren't listening to me, then I get on mine so it isn't awkward. I just noticed this at a sleepover over the weekend. My god, you'd think we could be a little more human to each other.
Oct 2015 · 312
Did You Even Care
Rj Oct 2015
I just want to know, please tell me
What were you thinking when you heard me crying at night?
What did you think when you never saw me smile,
When you heard me call myself those words,
When you saw scars on my thighs, or did I hide that well enough
When I wore shorts to the beach?
Why didn't you help me when I needed help?
Or can it be possible you didn't notice at all
Attention: this is a poem referring back to last year. I do NOT feel this way anymore. I am relatively happy, and enjoying life.
Oct 2015 · 235
Sibling
Rj Oct 2015
You couldn't make it any clearer, your hatred towards me
At least, I have to assume it's hate, who would treat someone like that otherwise?
Just another person I can put in the book of people who don't want anything to do with me
Except this time, it's a family member
Please don't try and lecture me about sister ****. Please. This isn't a petty little ***** fight, it's an on going lack of concern for another person. It's total purposeful ignorance, and just a complete lack of caring whatsoever, and it has been happening for a long time. So please, please, do not lecture me.
Oct 2015 · 270
At Home
Rj Oct 2015
I feel like I'm at home in your presence
not super original but oh well. Also literally this isn't about anyone/my relationship with anyone
Oct 2015 · 291
Confession
Rj Oct 2015
And when you sit in the circle with your friends
The same questions continue never to be asked,
And never to be answered
Oct 2015 · 177
Option-less
Rj Oct 2015
There is no other option for me
Opening my mouth cannot be an option
Sometimes I guess keeping my mouth closed is better than opening it, in rare cases
It is what it is.
Oct 2015 · 388
Do Not
Rj Oct 2015
Do not call me "smartie"
Do not call me "sweetie"
Do not call me "honey"
Unless you are being sweet
Otherwise I'm not your
Smartie, sweetie, or honey
I'm so tired of having these submissive names pushed on me because I am female. I'm tired of these boys down playing my love for sports by these little nicknames. My name is Miramda, or Jo. It's NOT any of the above unless you are being cute. Mmk? Geez
Oct 2015 · 328
Blushing #2
Rj Oct 2015
Does you're body every betray your mind
Like when your mind says keep it cool
But your flashy red cheeks scream
*look at my emotions, red and raw across my face
Hahaha, I hate blushing.
Oct 2015 · 267
Blushing
Rj Oct 2015
I can't keep the blood from rushing to my cheeks
Hahaha this is actually really embarrassing
Oct 2015 · 392
At the Same Time
Rj Oct 2015
Someone please explain to me
How you can be so happy
And yet so sad at the same time
Explain how you can smile
And tear up at the same time
Explain how you can laugh
And scream at the same time
Explain how you can forget,
But remember all the time
Explain how you can hate someone
But love them so much
*at the same time
This actually isn't about anyone in particular
Next page