He told us
go to hell
all of you
Forgiveness
Will be hard
This time

No matter how hard I try
The ink blothches on the page,
The paint on the canvas,
The pencil on the paper,
They will never transform
Into real life

If I'm being annoying please tell me okay?

It's all faded away
Only the memories bring back the magic

The tall pines trees reach for heaven
I stand with my arms upwards,
Joining them as well

Sometimes it's not your fault
Sometimes you did all you could
And all I can say is
*Never again

I'm sorry I hurt you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I want to be a ******* doctor
I want to fix people
So know that hurting them isn't really my thing
I feel like ****
I feel like ****
And I keep staring in my drawer
I pulled it out and I stared at it and I stared at it
I mean I deserve it right?
After being so **** hurtful
I deserve it right
No.
No it's almost been a year.
Just know I'm sorry
Know I'm not forgiving myself
Know I'm in pain too
Know I wish you'd never known me
Because then you wouldn't be hurt
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I am nothing
How could you fall for this
I am sorry
****

It's like we are climbing a wall
that we won't get to the top off,
but we keep climbing it
because we strive to make it to the top, and the thrill of the climb
makes it that much more exciting

I scroll the home page bitterly,
Frantically, angrily, hopelessly,
Search the titles of the poems
Something, anything I can repost
But none of the titles say what I want
None of them are at me
None of them are saying
What I want to hear

Now it's all just useless words
Useless because they will
Never be the words we want to hear

**** this
****
This

Instead of trying to understand it
I'll just accept it

Part of me still wants to cut it all off
All of it.

Then there's a moment when you realize you might just be one of them too

It's all a spiral
And maybe I like it's
Twists and turns

You got yourself in a dangerous zone
Cause we both have the fear, fear of being alone
And now I don't understand it
You don't mess with love you mess with the truth
And my heart don't understand it, understand it, understand it

I'm tired of the damage
I'm tired of the sorrow
Let's bring out the happy
Let's do it tomorrow

It's obvious the memory still lasts,
I tried making it last for days
But I thought it would eventually go away
A small insignificant detail,
I made it a subconscious want

Even if no one believes me
Forgiveness is the greatest thing we have
How can anyone sit on a throne and condemn others when they also sin every single day.
It's in no ones place to judge.
But we are all human, and we all will.
**Just remember it was Christ who hung out with the prostitutes, liars, cheaters, thiefs and heretics.

"The truth is, that giddy butterfly in-love feeling? It goes away. And all that's left is friendship. You have to ask, is my lover my best friend, because in the end that's all that's left"

Closer and closer He pulls me
Begs me to follow Him

I wore a bow in my hair today
Because I wanted to

A blabber mouth
Crazy stupid loud girl
A bossy commanding dominant girl
A long-haired skinny silly girl
Scraggly, *****, pretty girl
Wild like an animal
Big eyes, short, weird smile
A girl who truly truly
Didn't care what others thought
A dancing on the tables girl
A muddy, smelly, adventurous girl
Silly young innocent girl
Where are you now?

What other solution was there
what else was there to do
what else would have happened
Me helplessly walking behind
As you hold and kiss him,
Occasionally I get a peck on the cheek?
You would rather me fall for you,
And suffer
Than me to move on,
And find someone who will actually
Spend their love on me,
And I mean *all of it

Maybe I would feel completely differently
If you weren't so in love with someone else
Try having feelings for someone that
Only talks about their relationship with the perfect boy
Of course I moved on
What was my other choice

I can't believe it
You want me to stay single,
Lonely, and unhappy
So you can have the
Feeling of someone crushing on you
Because your boyfriend doesn't do it enough.
Unbelievable.
News flash I actually care about myself.

Please know that my poems on here are almost never about anyone on here
And I hate for people to read too far into them

Don't hold eye contact with me for too long
I'll start attaching myself and I shouldn't do that
Should I?

Make it stop

If we were all pieces of cloth
And our ****** purity was represented
Some peoples would be stained,
Others maybe even torn,
But my cloth would be pretty clean
And that's okay too

My bedsheets are soaked in memories and emotions
A stain of blood there, some drips of tears there,
A warm imprint of people who once held each other there
I put them in the wash, but they don't seem to come out

What if we stopped seeing people as a gender, race, or religion
And started seeing them as actual human souls instead?

I guess if I had to say it
I'm afraid of being in a relationship
What if I mess it up
What if I don't meet expectations
What if I'm not good at being romantic
What if I'm not compatible
What if
What if
What if

Not to sound risky or anything
But I'd like to scratch a few things off my list

You shouldn't fall in love with me
Because in the beginning,
I'll be swaying back and forth
Won't be sure if the leap is worth it
And you'll be mad, that I'm wavering
You shouldn't fall in love with me
I'll want to go really really slow,
Like a turtles pace slow
And then I'll want to speed the hell up
And then go really really slow
And then, if for some reason,
You're still sticking around,
Then I'll become fully comfortable
Most likely

I was sick
Deathly sick, infected with some virus
Killing me
My mind was turned on and off
I was half crazy, touched by dementia
Some kind of neurotoxin
And threw up blood
Red blood, but thicker than glue
To where it caught in my throat coming up
Dangerously choking me every time
Blood
Red and black thick blood
Sat in coagulated clumps on the new carpet
My mother came in
Told me to fold some clothes,
When my mind cleared from the
New waves of dementia
I realized I was dying
Why weren't my parents taking me to the hospital?
They didn't care
In fact they tried to pretend I wasn't there
It was like I was embarrassing them
I tried to tell two of my friends
They didn't care
They didn't care
They didn't care
I looked in the mirror,
My eyes widened
Sticky, gelatinous blood
Caught stuck in my throat
And I knew then,
Half conscious,
I was going to die
And no one
**Would care.

Life is a tumbling sea of nauseous waves right now
Waves fueled by dreams I can't even begin to decode
Unless you take into consideration my worst fears

It wasn't yours to tell

I saw you today
Inside my drawer
Forgotten,
But not really
I touched you today
Ran my finger
Down you today
But then I threw you away
It'll never be worth it

I slumped down in a chair, spun it around
Slid the test I took back and forth, eyes tearing up
You aren't going to eat lunch? he asks
I say no, I mean academics is more important,
But it's not like I'm studying, or even looking at my test
He looks at me concerned, then goes back to his laptop
Part of me wants to scream.
**Thacker my family is falling apart and my mom is depressed and my dad leaves all the time and I still remember the gun shot, and I can't forget the words and I am just not functioning, and now I got a stupid grade on your test and my head hurts and I want you to know I don't hate you or your class I just don't like what's happening in my life right now and I'm taking it out on you, please help me.

He said he had no idea how I got through it over the years
How I managed not to completely break down
He said it must just be I'm strong, that it must be a talent

I'm tired of feeling this way
The head aches won't go away
My emotions are out of check
Hell I'm crashing, human wreck
When it all hits you full force
And you blame the emotions
For your physical state
Do you assume this is it?
How you live from now on?
Has it all become chronic?

It's a **** good thing too
You were right.
Good thing I listened this time

When I'm sad I'll drive to the store
Except I won't go right to the store
I pass the houses with Christmas lights
Or the small shops of the old town
Where things are light with color
And when I see all the people,
I'm not so lonely anymore

It's about time for me to be reminded
It's about time for me to be refreshed

You accept it'll never go away
No matter what you try
And that's it. That's all you can do

I am thankful for all of you

I was on a tight rope balancing
And for a while I stood there
Flailing my arms, about to fall
And now that I've found my footing
I have to make sure I won't ever
Lose it again

You're crashing into me like waves on the coast
Every time we talk, you move in close
Wrecking ball dancing down the hallway
You're holding your shoes, wearing my shades
We fall against the door,
we fall into a wild warm kiss

I seem okay
I trick myself into feeling okay
But when it's quiet
Or when I actually stop
Talking enough to listen to my mind
I'm not okay
I'm dealing, I'll make it
But I'm not just *okay