please notice that

im hopeless

I look out at the dark black waves and I wish I was under them

I'm going to end up killing myself

I want to fall in love, But that's too vague
I want to go to jazz clubs that are dark inside with neon lights and a tiny stage with swing music and cocktails and dancing
I want to dance but I want to dance with a man in a suit, and I in a dress that flows beautifully when I twirl
I want to walk the city at night and feel completely safe and hold hands without sweating too much
All of these things, but quite simply just **love

Get me off this roller coaster
They've always made me sick
*And I'll be dizzy for days

On the outside I look sick
My lips are pale my eyes sunken in
My hair tangled, face grey
I stand frowning, still,
Breathing slowly, silently

On the inside I press against the walls
I beat the ground, and I sob
I shake with sobs,
And I fall on the floor
Crying help me  help me

*I just want to feel right again