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  Sep 2016 Rj
Mikaila
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******* for making me look down
When you deserve to suffer under my gaze.
  Sep 2016 Rj
Alvira Perdita
it consumes you, like endless
darkness, pulling you in against
your will. it's holding you there,
listening to your terrified breathing
waiting for you to snap.

you can't escape without a fight
your entire life is based upon
this fight and how hard you try
to survive, but even when you're
winning, it'll only take a moment
to lose.

it doesn't wait for a certain age, either
it will take you regardless of whether
you're older or young or in your twenties
because what does it matter? a person
is just a person in the end.

nobody else can see you struggle
and part of it is to be afraid of asking
for help because people will look at
you strangely, and they will make
you feel worse

how will you survive in the face
of death?
i know it's not all the same for everyone but this is what it's like for me; has always been.
Rj Sep 2016
I never want to hear that sound again
I never want to feel that pain again
I never want to see those marks again

So I turn to You God
Please forgive me for not loving myself
And help me to see myself as You do
Rj Sep 2016
I lost it last night
I cried and I kicked

I hit my mirror
I screamed in my pillow

I threw everything off my bed
I knocked things off my stand

And soon enough there it was
Sitting in my hand

And what did I do with it?
I made the wrong choice.
Rj Sep 2016
I pace back and forth down the hall past his classroom,
I peer in and hesitantly take a step inside
The moment our eyes meet I look away and stop myself

My finger tips linger near the keyboard on the screen,
I type up a paragraph, as my hands shake slightly
Only to delete the whole thing with one touch

I see him at the end of the day and he asks what's wrong
I open my mouth to speak, and then shut it
My struggle remains internalized

I don't have the heart to say what's wrong,
I don't have the heart to ask for help,
Perhaps I believe it's because I don't have a reason anymore to be the way I am. I've run out of excuses for being sad.
Rj Sep 2016
To think I spend so many hours wondering if you're alright
How many hours I've put into making sure you know
That you are loved, you are cared for, you are good, you are valuable
And after all of the **** I have seen and been through,
You think it's annoying I complain?
Even though I rarely do.
Even though I hold everything in until it hurts my insides
You think it's annoying I complain?
Why else didn't you answer my question?
No wonder I stopped telling you what's wrong with me.
I guess I sensed your dissatisfaction with my venting.
And now
*Now I have no one
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