I used to care, but how long can you care when it always gets you hurt?
It’s not as if I have to care, so why bother, when everyone treats you like dirt?
Until maybe one day, somebody will care back, it will be a reanimation of my heart.
But until that day, I'm done caring, since until then I don’t want to start.
Maybe if I could read minds, I wouldn’t have to worry anymore.
But until then, I'm locking myself and closing the door.
It’ll be at least a year before anyone notices, and probably 3 before anyone cares.
If I'm lucky, maybe one day somebody will return my stares.
Not that I care, since they are probably lying anyway.
But that’s an issue for another day.
I look at a photo for hours a day, and yet I know I shouldn’t try.
Since all that gets me is suffering, and now I no longer fly.
Flying is a metaphor that allows you to be free,
But you get in my way just like a tree.
And yet I still love you, despite it all,
Even when all it does is cause me to fall.
So I look into your eyes, again and again, despite knowing the truth, that you don’t care,
But I'll love you until someone else shows me love, and returns my stare.
And that will be the reanimation of my heart,
Or at least a chance to have a proper start.
So i’ll just wait until someone actually cares, and shows me such,
I really don’t think I'm asking for too much.
I want someone who feels the same,
So that I don’t have to feel the shame.
The shame of asking a question despite knowing the answer,
And once again having it proven that nobody cares.

Everybody wants to see me suffering
Everybody wants to look
Everybody likes to watch me fail
Everybody wants me to be sad
Everybody wants to see the tears
Everybody likes to see my fears
Everybody wants the worst for me
Everybody ignores me
Everybody doesn’t care
Everybody enjoys their lives
Everybody joins in the torment
Everybody wants me gone
Everybody refuses to say it
Everybody wants to see me leave
Everybody wants one less issue
Everybody wants that path
Everybody wants me to suffer
Everybody I’ve ever known
Everybody wants to see me suffering

500 memories, that I can see.
500 memories, that I believed.
500 memories, all of the time.
500 memories, that remind.
500 times,that I have failed.
500 trials, to no avail.
500 moments, lost to the sea.
500 memories, mean that much to me.
500 memories, 500 times,
500 memories, none of them mine.
500 moments of joy, that I’ll never see.
500 reasons, the “joy” of being me.
500 regrets, 500 mistakes.
500 people, lost to time.
500 times, I was forgotten.
500 times, and each one hurt more.
500 memories, is all that I have.
500 memories, and a painful laugh.
500 memories, all of them sad.
500 memories, I hope you’re glad.
500 memories, and a ruined life.
500 memories, all full of strife.
500, hours of stress.
500 moments, was all it took.
500 memories, stuck like a hook.
500 memories, and a painful past.

How many people feel alive?
At the cost of other’s lives.
how many people feel alone,
Even with someone on the phone?
At the page I stare,
Wondering if anyone would care.
Truly believing the answer is no.
It would be so easy to show.
The note rewritten time and time again.
Thinking finally I’d be free, then.
Knowing nobody would have cared,
Is all I thought as I stared.
How easy it would be to finally be free,
To escape the darkness inside of me.
It tells me I’m worthless,
It makes me nervous.
Even with all my might,
I know it’s right.
It tells me I’m a failure,
Just pick up the razor.
How easy it would be,
To escape this thing inside of me.
What happens when your best,
Just isn’t good enough, you can’t rest.
You can’t sleep,
You want to cut deep.
You can’t escape it if you try,
You just want to die.
That is mental illness,
At its most vicious.

My brain has become my worst enemy, it tells me I’m worthless, and I know it’s true.
It tells me all I do is make people’s lives harder, and it’s right.
It tells me that I’m the **** of the earth and I know it’s true.
it tells me that the world would have been better without me, and it’s right.
It tells me that everything I do, I do wrong, and it’s right.
It tells me that other people don’t care, and they don’t.
It tells me not to get them involved, but I try anyway. And when it fails I’m not surprised.
It tells me what if, what if I was never born, what if I just vanished, what if, I was better.
To answer those questions, the world would be better, no one would care, and I need to be.
But my best isn’t enough. And I’m told I will never be enough, and I know it’s true.
it’s not me, except it is entirely me, it tells me I’m a failure and I know it’s true.
What if, what if, what if I could do something right, no, anything right,
then maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be true.
Because it tells me I’m worthless and I know it’s true.

I have a place In my heart,
For people I will never speak to again.
I don’t even know where to start,
It’s like an acid rain.
I still have a special place in my mind,
For the thoughts I will never think again?
Until it comes up from behind,
Or so I thought until just then.
I finally knew I would never be free,
I’d be stuck with it inside of me.
I’d have a special place on the inside,
To protect me from this wild ride.
The ride you call life.
The ride I call strife.
The emotional roller coaster.
I want to get in the bath tub with a toaster.
Everyday I want to be free,
Lock away my mind and lose the key.
Nobody can ever see,
The true side of me.
Without the constant worry and fears.
And most likely lots of tears.
Let me be away from here.
Get on the highway and never steer.
I don’t want to leave,
Please you gotta believe.
But it’s for the better,
You’ll understand when you read the letter

I just want to hear you say it,
Hear you say it one more time.
I just want to hear it,
I just want to hear it one more time.
The fact you love me.
The fact you care.
The fact that I am not alone.
The fact that I’m not a horrible person.
The fact that I matter.
I need to hear you say it,
I need to hear it every day,
I need to hear you say it.
And I want to hear you say it again.
Tell me I’m not worthless.
Tell me I’m worthy of love.
Tell me I’m cared for.
Tell me I’m not alone.
Tell me I’m not a horrible person.
Tell me I’m important.
Tell me I matter everyday.
It’s something I need to hear you say.
So let me hear you say it,
Let me hear it again.
Unless it isn’t true,
And I ruin everything I do.
Please let me hear you say it
one more time .
Or is it true, that I’m worthless?
Is it true, I’m not worthy of love?
Is it true, I’m not cared for?
Is it true, I’m alone?
Is it true, I’m a horrible person?
Is it true, I’m not important?
Is it true, I don’t matter?
Is it true, I mess up everything I do?
If it's not I need to hear you say it one more time