I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
*and i took it back the next morning

Flashes of denial campaign
undiscovered in my ears
while laughter sounds out like static
from a land where words
expose their wonder.  
What lies beneath
waves of pleading promises
that lie touching my heart
like winds of change
bring on thunder?

Has my existence flown
to find the answers
inside of years
up on the silent mountaintop
that I once called
my home?
I find that now I live with chaos
looking in my windows
at every single hollow place
it sees
when I am sitting
all alone.

Insanity is everywhere
I see it staring at my mouth
as honesty spews on everything
I deny to be,
while in all of my despair
I hear words
laughing out at me.
I breathe in deep then lift the voice
with which I write
and wait........
for my pen to bleed.

is this what love is like,
to feel: pained, crushed,
bruised, beaten, broken,
torn apart, ripped to shreds.

im not sure how much more
my exasperated heart can
bear.

is this how its going to be.
to be: let down, used, looked
over, disregarded, invisible,
kicked, skipped over, unloved.

im through with this now. even
as i say it i know its a lie.
and a hole ill get ****** right back into.

all of me aches..
my heart no longer feels.
for now im crawling to the
next mirage of love only to find
it nonexistent.

He said he wanted to catch my tears.
I fear I’ve been lied to.
Wouldn’t be the first time,
His string of words didn’t line up.
He’s never been one for giving up,
Lots of boys talk to him and he
Makes jokes,
He can’t keep his head straight
But he thinks he’s straight where it counts.
I think he likes to circle around the truth
With loud distractions
And things I want to hear.
I fear I’ve been lied to.
Wouldn’t be the first time,
His string of words didn’t line up.
He’s got me talking in circles,
Never was one for linear thinking.
So I’m not straight.
Maybe I should give up and start talking to girls.
In high school maybe I should have
Listened to their jokes.
I can talk straight,
But to him it never seemed to count.

Eye lashes flicker
a shared urgent interest
parting - dancing smile


.

A black cat with a grin and
A scythe, slashing thru
Space-time with a giggle

Invulnerable & finite. Untouchable rabbit
Stretches it's torso many meters out
Evading a cannonball.
Time to go to work; no doors here!
Rabbit shaped hole in the wall
Ever never fear!

4 Thirty minutes on a Sat. morning network 
Talking animals accordion back
From falling crate crushes
Index fingers stretch their cheeks
Ha ha ha ha!
& a wagging red tongue, almost all week.

Piano dangling by a thread
Shrinking Shadow under your feet
It's right above your head!
You step aside just in time -
An anvil smashes you instead.

Too hard to explain to a real-lifer:
This has no point!

& Oh,
my frost bitten
lungs,
lose their breath.
In all of your
nostalgic air.

It's a scary/cut/throat
feeling on a cool,
November morning.

But I swear to you,
have never seemed so clear
to me.

Maybe, I'm just
day-dream-dream-dreaming
again.

But I swear,
the frost clouds of cigarette
smoke you blew in my face,
Yesterday.
Looked just like a flock of
upside down <3's.

Just some
secret-smoke-signals
from across the state.

If you were here
&
they were gone.

Someday,
that's a wonderful
thought.

What is it with this fatal attraction
For my soul that’s what it is
I have tried hard to ignore it
And not always give in

Erase you from my heart and mind
To be free from you at last
But every time you’re near
I simply have no chance

What is it about you
Keeps me wanting more
Your eyes mesmerize me
And pull me into your world

Your body makes my pulse race
I undress you with my eyes
I wish it were just physical
I’d have walked away by now

I love the way your mind works
Even if I don’t always understand
You make me think about things
That I never have before

The way you make me smile
And the way you make me laugh
Is just another of your facets
That keeps me coming back

I love the way you accept me
Like it’s ok to be myself
I let my guard down around you
And I take off my many masks

You seem to understand me
Even with all my many quirks
You even seem to tolerate me
When I’m acting like a *****

There’s so much more about you
That I just can’t find the words
To tell all the reasons
That you're driving me  berserk

That’s why I keep staring at you
With such passion in my eyes
You're my fatal attraction
And that I can’t deny.

He has sweetness in his eyes and excitement
Dancing through the half smile he is teasing me with,
Seducing in the glimpses of white teeth exposed by
Curved dancing lips, begging to be kissed,
Tingling anticipation creating an ache
You step closer and my breathing quakes,
My chin level with your broad muscled chest
Smooth like marble defined, statuesque,
You peel off my layers of uncertainty
Starting with the top button confident hand under
Soft cotton searching, creating and finding
What I never knew that I was hiding,
Grabbing up every feeling I ever hid away,
Piled up or buried, you tipped me over,
And let me spill out onto you, you told me
I was a dark blue and tasted like shadows and honey.
You spun me when your hand was running,
Leaving trails of icy heat along me,
Called softly to my brokenness,
Your breath heated my cold shoulder and
I heard a beat inside my chest
Must have thawed my heart with your kiss.
Your hands explore my thigh,
Creating soft sighs and brightening dim eyes,
I didn’t know my light had went out,
Until this day when your gaze
Was the first spark to a flame
Burning my body, killing my shame,
You set fire creating a raging blaze.
You got inside me,
And burnt down what remained.
For so long I was afraid.
Than you pulled me down,
Emptied me out and made me
Feel again.