For the first time in months,
I prayed
Before my statue of Apollo,
I kneeled
With my candle lit
I held my open palms to the sky
I cried
Before Apollo,
I begged
For the first time in months,
I had to believe
There was something beyond me
That could bring you what you need

My heart folds and bleeds
The love I have for you, it exceeds
I said I want to write like Edgar Allen Poe
But I didn’t mean I wanted his same woe

I love you, I always will and always have
But the fear of the memories being all I have
It makes me wonder what steps did I miss?
Was there a ladybug or dandelion where I didn’t wish?

Could I have begged the gods a little harder?
Surely there was more that I could barter
To fill you with more bliss
I’ve taken pages from all the myths

There is no price I would not pay
No sacrifice that would bring more dismay
Than losing the light you shine on my life
There is nothing more to fill me with more strife

I ponder more than I ought to
Of what would happen
If you went where I could not follow
And I wonder who it is I’d never forgive

The you who left
Or the me who let you?

If I ever get that call
It will be the day
I buy a my first
Pack of cigarettes
And I'll smoke them
One by one
Until my lungs
Are black and numb

I wish I could tell you
Something other than
It'll be okay
Because I know right now
It feels as though it never will
So instead,
I'll tell you something
That you'll believe
That it will never be the same
It never has to stay as it is

So find a dandelion for me
And make a wish
Make a promise
To yourself
That it will never be the same
That one day
You will feel okay
Because you believed in someday

A petal for the day we met
In the choir classroom of our middle school
11 years old
You were so much smaller than me
But your presence was so much larger
You filled my whole world the second we met
You filled every aching hole, every dark crevice
You made me laugh, you made me smile
You made me feel seen in a world I was hollow in my skin
We were young
We were children when we met
We were innocent
We talked about silly things
Of futures and dreams
Of impossibilities and fantasies
Of the intangible and odd
In the back of the choir classroom
Our world was small but we made it endless
In the back of the choir classroom
Our story began

A petal for when you called me for the first time
Years had gone bye since you'd left
It was maybe 8th grade perhaps
You invited me to a birthday party
But I still had my social anxiety
And I was too scared to ask to go
I look back and think how stupid
I should have taken every last opportunity to feel you
To experience you
That phone call came in a time when I was young and blind
When I didn't appreciate the importance
When I didn't know how to be an ally

A petal for when you called again the next week
For when you didn't give up
For when we talked for hours about useless things
That felt like everything
For the night you called and we shared scary stories and I couldn't sleep
For the times we talked and cried together
Laughed and smiled together

A petal for all the phone calls out of nowhere
That saved my life
In high school you started to call again
In a time when I went whole days without a word
To anyone, from anyone
A time when I was so invisible
That I felt that if I faded away, the world wouldn't blink
A phone call from you that saved my life
That made me feel seen
That made me feel needed
That made me remember how to live
I don't remember what you said
I don't remember what we talked about
All I remember was feeling whole again

A petal for those days we reconnected
When we talked every single day in high school
For all our stupid inside jokes
For all the little teases and jabs
For all the weight your words had
For the way you saved my life day by day
And the way you never knew

A petal for the day I fell in love with you
We were talking on the phone one day
I think it was over discord
It wasn't anything important at all
And there were silences and pauses
But every last moment felt so right
I realized against my will
That I loved you
More than I thought I was allowed to
I realized I'd fallen for every subtle thing there was to you
I'd fallen for those phone calls out of nowhere
For your laughs and the smiles in your voice
Your silly impressions and your humor
To the way you listened to me
The way you didn't judge or look down on me
For the way you felt, the way you made me feel
I'd fallen for so many little things
And I've never been able to fall out

A petal for the day I let myself be in love with you
When I realized I couldn't deny the way I felt
When I realized I didn't have to
I remember I was so mad at myself
I felt like I was betraying our friendship, betraying you
Feeling these feelings I wasn't meant to
So I didn't say a word
But I let myself love you
I felt my heart race when I thought of you
I'd check my phone every ten minutes for a notification
Praying that every time the screen lit up
That it would be you

A petal for the day you said you loved me
I remember reading the message
I froze, I malfunctioned, my heart blew up
I left you on read for an hour and i'll always feel bad
Thinking about the nerves you must have had
But when I read those words
I didn't believe them
I couldn't
How could it be real, how could someone like you
Love a person like me?
Did it mean your heart raced like mine
That your face lit up when you read my messages
That you waited for another moment?
Or was it just a joke?
Something cruel the universe wanted to play
Something to break me in a way I've never broken?
When you said that you loved me
I felt solar systems crash down
Stars exploded and I combusted too
Because how could there be a day
Where you said I love you?

A petal for that day
Because when I finally did respond
I felt so happy I could die
When I'd said the words
That I'd so longed to say
When you said you'd felt the same way

A petal for our young love
A petal for all 54 days
That never felt like they were enough
I have so many regrets when I look back
Why did I never call you love?
Why did I never say I loved you every day?
Why didn't I call you sweet nothings?
I hate the way I was so nervous
That I kept keeping it platonic
But I had never loved anyone
The way that I had loved you
I didn't know how to be someone's girlfriend
And I hate the way I thought you needed space
And I tried to give it to you
When what you wanted was someone to talk to
I read the signs wrong, I was a fool
I thought you needed less when you needed more
I didn't know how to show you my love
I didn't know that I could

And so, a petal for the day we broke up
I felt it coming before it did
I knew something was wrong
And I didn't know how to make it right
Even though I know it wasn't because we didn't love each other
I still blame myself for not being what you needed
How could I be a good girlfriend when I wasn't even a good friend?
I remember that day
Because I didn't know that your heart could break
That heartbreak was real
That it felt as painful as it had
That it was a pain that never really went away
My heart wasn't breaking because of you though
It broke for you
It broke for all the ways I felt I failed you
For all the ways I should have loved you

A petal for the day after
For when we were still friends
For when we didn't just end
A petal for how grateful I was
That I could keep you
Even if it was just as friends

A petal for the identity crisis I had
After we broke up
After high school
When I cut my hair and dyed it
When I learned how to do make up
Because maybe I wasn't pretty enough?
When I wanted to be anyone else
Than the me who let you down
For when I tried to like girls instead
Because no other boy could ever be you
For when I painted my nails and wore perfume
Hoping that it would distract me from missing you

A petal for the promises we made
Don't you remember the orange juice pact?
Where we'd have that common goal to live for
To reach for
That when we turned 21 we would meet again
That we'd go to a bar and have a drink
When you said you didn't drink
And I said it didn't have to be alcohol
So we settled on orange juice
Even though you didn't know
That I was allergic
But I'd take a little stomach pain
Just to sit and have a glass of orange juice with you
Any day

A petal for all the calls and messages we've had
For every deep talk
For every time we fell apart
And held one another together like a desperate glue
For all the times I was afraid I couldn't
For all the times you said I could
For all the times I thought I wasn't enough
And for all the times you made me think I was
For all the poems I wrote about you
For all the times I got drunk and thought of you
For the nights I cried wishing things were different for you

A petal for all the things I want to do with you
I want to take you to a concert
To stand in a crowd with you
To a band we maybe don't even know
To feel the rush of the music, the thrill of the night
I want to go on a picnic
Even though you think it'd be miserable
I want to show you how wrong you can be
I want to go to an arcade with you
Win you prizes and kick your *** at shuffleboard
I want to play mario kart with you
So you can see how much of a foul mouth I can have
So you can see the worst of me and love it anyway
I want to play guitar for you
Because I know that even if I play it bad
You'll still smile for me anyway
So I can sing you the songs I wrote
I want to go to conventions and amusement parks with you
So you can hold my hand on rollercoasters while I cry
And maybe laugh a little too
We could eat funnel cake and talk reminisce
We could talk about all the adrenaline
I'd love to go to carnivals too
Into the mirror fun houses
So we could watch each other run into the mirrors
And laugh it off
I could win you prizes
And we could feel the night breeze in our hair
You'd look so lovely under the stars
We could go to painting classes
I could teach you guitar
There are so many things I want to do with you
That I could never list them all

A petal for all the possibilities that we still have

And a petal for my fears
Of losing you
Of all these words
All these memories and dreams
Becoming petals on a grave
A petal for how much I love you
A petal for how I'd never heal
A petal for how much I think you shine
And for all the words I wish I had to make you stay
A petal for everything I would give up
Everything I would sacrifice to make you feel okay
A petal for all the things we haven't done

A petal for our story with no end in sight

I've always been afraid
Of living in a world
Without you there
Because I'm not that brave

I think about sitting at your grave
Leaving flowers
Picking the petals as I tell you about my day

It would never be enough

I think about it way too much
And now reality threatens me
With my nightmare becoming my world

You think one day the hole will heal
That one day I'd be okay
That time would fill your absence

But I couldn't wait for it to fill
I'd fill myself instead with substance
I'd lose myself to losing you

I couldn't follow you in spirit or in soul
But my body and my heart would die and decompose with you

As your body rots so too would I
As your flesh decays and turns to goo
So would mine

As the light leaves your eyes, so too would mine.

You've saved my life in a million ways beyond words
Beyond language- beyond feeling
You've given me lessons invaluable, unteachable
You've taught me what love is
What it means to love and how to accept it

And now, you ask the impossible of me
You ask me to imagine a world without you
Without that comfortable silence
Of just knowing somewhere in the world
You are under the same sky as me

You ask me to picture a world that doesn't exist to me
A world that cannot exist for me
A world where we are forever apart six feet
A world where you will always be out of reach
A world where I am leaving flowers on your grave
And not in your hands

A world where I kiss goodbye all the promises we made
A world where I sit at a tombstone with your name
Where I talk to memories and not to you

A tombstone with your name.

I would never be the same.

I would never be...

I don't even have the words to describe who I'd become
In a world where there is a tombstone with your name

How can I love, live and forgive in a world without you?
A world where my poetry doesn't go unread because of nerves
But because I am reading it to a tombstone with your name?

In a world where I can't reach out and feel you there
A world without you, it's a world without me too
Because the day I bury you
Is the day I bury me.

Once upon a deadline dreary,
In an office bleak and weary,

The hours we spent with work and play
Now seem to pass like a distant day
And as I look upon each friendly face,
I feel the sting of time and place

As I bid farewell to those I hold dear
My heart is heavy with the weight of sorrow
For though you go forward with hope and without fear,
It is steps further away from the times we shared
And I'll miss the friendships that I've come to know

So let us say farewell with heavy hearts,
As each of us moves on to different parts
But know that in our souls, we'll always hold
The memories of our time, both warm and cold

As you pack your things and prepare to depart,
Know that memories will linger on
Your presence, once a comfort to our heart,
Will now be felt in silence, a mournful part

Though distance may separate us, I'll keep in mind,
That true friends are never truly left behind

In a distant meadow lies my mind
To get there, I cannot tell you how—
It is not a place that all can find
But if you're lucky and the path is kind
It will open up so that my thoughts you can unwind
And I can see it now

Fields of dandelions are where I hide
So come in spring to make a vow
For on the wind our wishes ride
Make a wish to say you tried
And only the weeds will know if you lied
Can't you see it now?

It does not matter if you mean well
I sometimes make mistakes in who I allow
Between poison and passion I cannot always tell
So you may come to stay but do not dwell
And of my secret garden do not tell
To those who would turn a paradise into hell
And I can see it now

Wildfires— the flames I cannot tame
Confusion, pain and anger that furrows my brow
Putting pesticides to primroses it's such a shame
My daffodils lament, they cry for who to blame
Does such sorrow, such grief have a name?
Can't you see it now?

When you turn my meadow into a burial mound
Where seedlings will not sprout— they can't remember how
You turn it into a place where no dream is found
Where no wishes or vows can be bound
And where loves whispers dare not sound
And I can't see it now

Like a moth drawn to a flame,
I can't resist the pain,
The world moves on, but I am stuck,
Unable to break the love-struck

I feel myself fall from the sky
Like a burned out broken star
A fleeting memory, a distant trace
Of feelings I can no longer face

Haunted by the things we used to say
The promises we made, the love we gave away
Though we are apart,
Your ghost still lingers in my heart

In the silence of the night,
I hear your voice
A distant echo
Of a long lost choice

My heart beats like a drum,
A rhythm that won't succumb,
To the memories of you and I,
A love that refuses to die

I know I should move on,
To find love that is not gone,
But my heart won't let me forget,
The love that we once had, and yet

I try to shake you from my thoughts,
But you're a memory that cannot be fought.
Your name echoes in my mind,
And the love we shared is impossible to unwind

I thought time would heal my heart,
That distance would set us apart,
But here I am, still longing for you,
A love that's pure, honest, and true

So I let myself drown in the pain,
Of a love that's lost, but still remains,
An ember burning in my soul,
A fire that refuses to grow old

Like a moth drawn to a flame,
I know I should move on,
To find a love that won't be gone,
But the thought of you, it lingers on

So I'll keep holding onto you,
Hoping that someday, you'll see me too,
And maybe then, we can start anew,
A love that's beautiful, honest, and true

I know I should try to forget,
To let go of this love and move ahead,
But my heart just won't comply,
It keeps on beating, asking why

I try to move on, to find another,
But my heart refuses to love any other
So here I am, still holding on,
To a love that's already gone

Hoping that someday you'll see,
The love that you once had in me
But I know I must let go of the past,
And move on to a love that will last

I feel like you are stealing my art
Burning it alive like a forest fire before my eyes
I reach out and it disappears
A faded memory like a ghost in foggy glass
I breath the words, I crave, I lust for them
And 502 gateways are locking them away

Release my vice, I need my sin.

I still feel the electricity inside my veins
the jolt, the bolt
the jitter, the tingle
the rush, the sting

I still feel a long passed carnage
that swallowed me whole
captivated, smothered and devoured
and never let me go

I still feel the ricochet of echos in my heart
stolen, captured, forever hostage
in every stanza, every line,
every syllable, every vowl

They say that lightning doesn't strike the same place twice
but I'm a fool who believes in dreams
i'll feel the static in my hair
i'll turn science into fiction

They say that lightning doesn't strike the same place twice
but stranger things have happened
and it's better to believe in dreams
don't you think?

I said that I'd been listening to Muse a lot lately
And you of course asked my favorite song
And like the universe's cruel humor, yours was the same
And now, it will never be the same
That song will always be your favorite when I play it
When I hear it, it will always remind me of you

And I'll think about you listening to it
And wonder if it makes your heart shake like mine
If you feel it explode through your soul
If it reminds you of me

And isn't that funny?
Isn't it just so cruel?
The way I can just feel
That our time is truly
Running out

If he were a poem
   he would be both starlight on a crystal
   and untouchable sunlight through the clouds
   in a miraculous acrylic portrait
   he's something reminiscent of an ancient time
   where love flowed freely
   against it's turmoil and twists
   because he is endless where he began
   a being with no end or compass to land
   he is someone I've loved

If she were a poem
   she would be a window view of autumn leaves
   curled with a good book and fresh brewed tea
   she is a porcelain doll with many cracks
   cracks I tried to fill with laughs
   that foolishly I thought would last
   because she was a drop of honey
   in a poisoned glass
   she is someone I've loathed

If my best friend were a poem
   she would be stained glass windows
   during the golden hour
   wine stained colors dancing on sunlight
   tracing along my skin
   because she feels like a fractured memory
   of true religion and a cacophony
   of all that good faith could be
   she is someone I need

If I were a poem
   I wonder what I'd be?
   would I be like a lark crying out to be heard
   singing into darkness
   just till the moment passes?
   or would I be more like an ivory statue
   a moment frozen in something ephemeral?
   I can guess and theorize
   but I will never know

Because I am the poet-
                                             and not the muse.

If from this world too soon I may depart
Weep at your loss, keep me in your heart
But do not live in those tears,
Do not stay awake with all your fears.

If I part before my time has been deemed enough
Forgive whatever happened, for life is rough
Cry once, cry twice, but smile every time after
Because I once filled your life not with tears, but with laughter.

Do not feel guilty that you are smiling, laughing, living
I don’t want you to live like you are dying, life is forgiving
I have left you behind so much of myself in writing; in my art
Find my stories, my poetry, my loose thoughts and see my heart.

Remember to feel, allow yourself to hurt and grieve
Then learn to look at the world again and believe
That while grief will come and go, you can not lose your glow
Keep something of me with you, but do not forget to let go

If I leave you far too soon
Breathe, be happy and to your pain become immune
Remember me, remember all the stupid things I used to do
And with everyday live your life and to yourself, be true

I only cry when I think of you

I don't cry when I talk about my childhood trauma
Of the times I'd been let down, berated or broken
When I was shut down and shunned
When I felt mute and voiceless
When I felt alone and empty
I don't cry until I talk about you
About how I loved you, and how I'll never stop

I've been hurt before you
I've been hurt again after you
But it's interesting how there is a before and after you
As if that's how I divide my life
Divide the way I feel

When I think about you
I think about the day we met 10 years ago
In the choir classroom of our middle school
In the karaoke homeroom
We were young, ridiculous and open
We were outcasts who saw eachother
We were outcasts who were seen for the first time

I never felt like I had to hide from you
I never had to pretend to be someone I was not
I think about how we would laugh and smile with eachother
How we almost felt like we had an us vs them against the world
I think about how I loved you before I knew what love was

I think about everytime you called me and your voice
Somehow always seemed to save me
As if you knew every tear before they fell
Years and years, but you never stopped calling
And I suppose, I never stopped waiting
I never stopped answering

I think about the days we were together
When we reconnected in highschool
When we fell in love
How I can read our entire relationship through texts
How I can hurt myself and heal myself over and over
Like a wound that never heals, never scars
I think about how desperately I wished I didn't love you
How wrong it makes me feel being unable to let you go

I think of how you taught me what it meant to be loved
And what it meant to love

I think about how I'm alright with being your friend
With never showing you my writing
With never telling you how much I've loved you
I think about how I'm satisfied
With knowing I will never be more
And how it is worth it and I don't know why

I think about growing up
Of growing farther away from those memories
Farther away from the choir classroom
Farther away from the phone calls out of nowhere
Farther away from a version of you who loved me
And I realized I'll never grow away from the me who loves you

I only cry when I think of you
When I'm sober, when I'm not
And it's never a tear of hurt
Not from something you'd done
Nor from something you'd said
But from all the things I wish you did
From all the things I wish I could
For all the poetry you may never see
For all the love you'll never know

I only cry when I think of you
Because I love you when I know
That I should be able to let you go

I hope that there is a lifetime
   an alternate reality
   a dream
   where you choose me
   the way I will always
   choose you

And I understand
   that it cannot be
   this time
   this place
   this life

But even so
   don't you think
   that it's a little cruel
   that you will always
   have me

In a way that I
   will never have
   you?

My flower petals
Fell like empty shooting stars
With no wish to grant

Like a shooting star
You passed me quick and quiet
I forgot to wish

Now as spring leaves green
I wish on all that I see
Can you hear it now?

My summons for you
All my whispers on the wind
Calling you to me

I feel like my body
   is made of grains of rice
   when you hold me I collapse
   and skip through your grasp
   one day someone will either
   slip with me
   or help me hold us together

It conjures within me
   such a deep tingling sensation
   like an army of ants
   marching through my veins
   I wonder if it is
   anxiety and dread
   or perhaps delirious delight?

I'd like to give to you
   bouquets of pink carnations
   and forget-me-nots
   for I will never forget you
   even when you forget me
   I'll preserve our forever
   In these fallen flower petals

I sometimes wonder
    if I am broken
    like a faucet that
    won't stop running
    since my love for you
    seems ever flowing

Like a waterfall
    the feelings crash
    as strong as a river
    as deep as an ocean
    and I beg and plead
    for a drought

Surely,
    there is nothing left
    for me to feel and yet
    unrelenting snowstorms blow
    so I pray for avalanches
    to bury me whole

heart to mind
mind to pen
pen to paper
the steps I take
to put what's mine
where it will shine

but sometimes
heart has different plans
it skips those steps
and instead lands
into your ready hands

Do poets know
      that they're alive?
      not simply spectators
      set aside

Do writers know
      that they are heard?
      that they are more
      than written word

Do you ever feel
      that words you write today
      are all the things
      you cannot say?

The sky was clear that day
But I felt it anyway
The sun was shining
Ever bright
But still I knew
Something wasn't right

I couldn't stop
I couldn't hit the breaks
Blew past every sign
Down memory lane

All the places
All the streets
All the paths
I look for scraps
I try to find
Traces of you
Left behind
All the flowers bloomed in May
All have died and withered away

I fell in love with subtle things
And it's all those little things
That I can't live without
But now I'm trying to learn how
And when I hear your name
I try so hard to refrain
From going back down memory lane

I was never able to stop loving you
And sometimes when I least expect it
I remember that and it tears me apart
I cry myself to sleep thinking of what we could have been

You taught me what it meant to be loved
How it felt
You taught me how to fall in love
And what it meant to lose it

But you never broke my heart,
I was never able to sever that sense of longing
If the competition of who loved who more
Ever named a victor,
It would be me

Because I wrote poetry about you as a friend
As I fell in love with you and the way I denied it
How I tried to push the feelings aside  
To be your ally when you needed me to be
How I conceded and realized
I was only lying to myself

I wrote about you as I fell in love,
As I fell deep and hard
I wrote when we were together
I wrote about my longing
About my desire and adoration,
About how I fell deeper and deeper
I wrote about futures and dreams

I also wrote about when it all ended,
About all the tears I shed in secret
About the pain I'd felt for the first time,
Of losing something I cherished so deeply

I wrote about how I couldn't stop loving you
No matter how hard I tried
About pushing my feelings aside
And sacrificing them to be your devoted friend,
About how that tore me up inside

I wrote about how no matter how many years passed,
I couldn't make the feelings dissipate any less
I realized in every letter I wrote,
That I would never be able to stop loving you,
And that it would have to be okay,
Even if it felt like it never would

I love you,
Even today
And while I may never call you mine again,
I will always be yours

The first time taught me what love was not
That you can’t force yourself to feel what just isn’t there
And I know it wasn’t fair
That my love for him just wasn’t there
But I tried my best to open up
I tried to write songs and poetry from the heart
But the words wouldn’t flow
Just like my love for him, it couldn’t grow
And that’s how I knew
That I could never love him
Not in the way he wanted me to

And so we parted on good terms, or so I thought
But he was broken hearted and I was not
He lashed out and I couldn’t understand
Why he felt so strongly about the mutual end
He said things, did things that he probably regrets
He probably wished that we’d never met
And perhaps he wasn’t my first love
But he was the first that I tried

The second taught me what love was
What it meant to love, to be loved and to lose it all
He was poetry in the flesh
We always seemed to be
The right people at the wrong time
And I still wish our planets would just stay aligned
He made me feel alive, he made me feel alright
He called me pure, he called me perfect
He called me a queen, a goddess, a rose
We were silly, we were young
But he showed me a love that can’t be outdone
He said I stole his heart
But he was the thief that ran away with my art
My words and all my sentences
Now contain pieces of his essence

When it was over, I wished he’d broken my heart
I know I begged the stars and every deity of love
To keep him in my life even if I couldn’t stand where I wanted to
I wished it were like a band aid I could rip off
So the sting could make me relive the rush
So I could still see the scar of what once was
But he didn’t leave me ****** and broken, just empty and absent
I knew our love was just a blip of borrowed time,
But I felt forever in the way he said he loved me
I felt lifetimes go by in the moments he was mine
A crater of a feeling that I only felt from him
Lives deep down inside me like a bottomless ocean
He will always and forever be the one with all of my devotion

I’ve loved and I've learned
The lessons are there
Like the bridges I burned
And through all the heartbreaks and bad days
It puts a smile on my face to look back
On all the pieces of my past
Of how I learned what love was not
And all that it could be

Nothing scared me more
Than fearing I could no longer write
I loved you so much
That as you left my life, my heart and mind
You nearly took my words as you went

Words are ****** to a poet
When we run out it makes our blood shiver
Our hands tremble and our lips tremor
A muse becomes an addiction
I miss the high of loving you
I crave the way you made me feel
The cravings dig a hole inside me
Allowing the emptiness to win
It's like my bones are bleeding and my veins are freezing
As I sit with a pen in hand and a paper made of sand

I wish that emotions captured in a sentence or two
Could chase away the withdrawal of being away from you

You are too young for it all
Too young for this much pain
Too young for this much heartbreak
Too young to be chasing halos

The last time we spoke, you hugged me tight
And I felt it then, that hope still in you
That possibility, the light that hadn't gone out
You hugged me tight and I knew
There is still more for you to do

And so I'm begging you to open up your eyes,
Open them and keep them wide

You aren't tired so there's no need for you to sleep
It isn't time to throw in your towel
It isn't time for you to go
It isn't time for you to be chasing halos

When you were smaller I held you in my arms
So sweet, so small, so innocent
You would always smile like you looked up to me
And I knew I had to be good so that you would too
There is still time for you to be anything you dream

So I'm begging you, don't trade your youth for wings

They get the holidays they stole from us
They get Ostara, Yule and Samhain
Easter, Christmas and Halloween
They get the crosses on greeting cards
Their bibles in store aisles
They are praised for those crimes against us
How they hung and hunted us
Drowned and undressed us

They get to stand on their pedestals with megaphones
Outside of schools and businesses
Door to door through neighborhoods
And preach about their hate
Tell us no matter what we believe
If it is not God then it must be sin
That if they do not stop us
Then Lucifer will win

Warts on noses, green skin and greasy hair
That is how a witch is pictured everywhere
Cackling and cursing, evil, wicked and vile
That is the image that they gave to us after they robbed and ***** us
They mock us in their media and treat us like comedies
Turn our magic into fiction and throw out the science
They make a mockery of our practice, spread all these lies of what it is not
Take the death card in tarot, the Tv says it means you’ll die
But a witch will tell you it means a new chapter of your life

Double double toil and trouble
Just once I’d like to see their plans foiled
Fire burn and cauldron bubble
Watch as we rebuild from the rubble

Never ask us why we have such anger
Why we don’t want to stand around your manger
Because when people say the word witch
They say it like they call a woman *****

If only I knew what I know now back then
That one day I'd have to call you friend
Maybe I'd have held on a little tighter
Make my smiles just a little brighter
If only I knew how time ebbs and flows
How our garden became a place where no flower grows
Maybe I’d have been a little greedier
Called your name just a little sweeter

But all my love I put in writing
All the time I wasted in hiding
All the words I left unsaid
Left our garden for dead
I am the keeper of these dried up leaves
I think of you and my heart heaves

If only I knew what I know now back then
That one day would mark our end
Maybe I wouldn’t have been so blind
Shown you how bright I thought you shined
If only I knew how time ebbs and flows
I would have shown you how this world glows
Maybe our garden would have become a flower grove
Our secret hidden treasure trove

To love a flower is to love the cycle of death
For a seed will grow into a beautiful bud
That bud will bloom and flourish
Then wither and die
And isn’t it so cruel
The beauty is there for just a moment
And then it’s gone as if it never was

All the lovely fauna
The flowers that grow through concrete
Those dandelions you kick in fields
The trails of Sunflowers on roadsides
And pansies through your neighborhoods

Do you ever stop to wonder
If you ever see the same flower twice?
If the rose you stopped to smell
Is now an empty stem of thorns?

All that lives and dies looks the same
When looked at with a passing eye
When I catch your eye as just another passerby
I hope you think of forget-me-nots

Maybe then you'll keep me in your thoughts

Honey in my tea, dark and deep and sweet
With phantom eyes reflecting, rich and daunting
Through steam and aroma, they taunt me as the leaves steep
     Nostalgia tangles around my throat

Vines that climb, constrict and bind and thrive
Like hands encasing, cruel and menacing
Around my neck, those memories do obstruct
     They catch my breath, cloak my mind

Those Smokey quartz eyes were my favorite place to be lost
Bells sang when I wandered in those endless depths
Bells only ring for joyous occasions after all, right?
     I was never too good at reading warning signs

Clouds so thick, foggy and blind and nebulous
With patchouli scent, lovely and alluring
Like ghostly fingers tracing along my memories
     Such pins and needles in my thoughts

Just like wine, white wine with bubbles that made me blush
The taste was sweet, just like the nothings that poured from your mouth
How sweet, always so sweet when you wanted to be
      That always was my weakness

Stevia leaves, as darkly green as roses leaves
Naturally sweet and desperately deceiving
Roses red, full of secrets hidden beneath ruby petals
     Echoing off those walls within

That’s the thing about poison, you never know it’s there
Till your cup is empty and your heart is heavy
Bittersweet are the sugarcoated words passed between vilified lips
     It was always as toxic as it was sweet

Love is like a bushel of berries, so alluring and safe at a glance
But once you get a taste that sweetness enraptures you so fast
That you have no chance to guess whether it is juniper or death
     It’s all over before you can react

We hide behind a web of wishes weaved within sweet nothings
Lovers words are filled to the brim with promises too burdensome to keep
You close your eyes and begin to blindly leap, but danger never ceases to creep
     And so you fall head first into loves abyss

Belladonna in my tea, dark and deep and sweet
With phantom eyes reflecting, rich and daunting
Through steam and aroma, they taunt me as the leaves steep
     Love is deadly, like venom on your tongue

Honey in my tea, dark and deep and sweet
With phantom eyes reflecting, rich and daunting
Through steam and aroma, they taunt me as the leaves steep
     Nostalgia tangles around my throat

Vines that climb, constrict and bind and thrive
Like hands encasing, cruel and menacing
Around my neck, those memories do obstruct
     They catch my breath, cloak my mind

Clouds so thick, foggy and blind and nebulous
With patchouli scent, lovely and alluring
Like ghostly fingers tracing along my memories
     Such pins and needles in my thoughts

Stevia leaves, as darkly green as roses leaves
Naturally sweet and desperately deceiving
Roses red, full of secrets hidden beneath ruby petals
     Echoing off those walls within

That’s the thing about poison, you never know it’s there
Till your cup is empty and your heart is heavy
Bittersweet are the sugarcoated words passed between vilified lips
     It was always as toxic as it was sweet

Love is like a bushel of berries, so alluring and safe at a glance
But once you get a taste that sweetness enraptures you so fast
That you have no chance to guess whether it is juniper or death
     It’s all over before you can react

We hide behind a web of wishes weaved within sweet nothings
Lovers words are filled to the brim with promises too burdensome to keep
You close your eyes and begin to blindly leap, but danger never ceases to creep
     And so you fall head first into loves abyss

Belladonna in my tea, dark and deep and sweet
With phantom eyes reflecting, rich and daunting
Through steam and aroma, they taunt me as the leaves steep
     Love is deadly, like venom on your tongue

A single intrusive thought
A nostalgic song
Any little thing that reminds me of how your words felt
When they caressed against my heart

I engraved each syllable in my mind
A permanent reminder of the love
That felt like sunlight through clouds;
Starlight through trees

All it takes is one little thing
And I am yours again

I say that being your friend
Is my favorite sacrifice
But the torch I carry
Is a flame that burns like no other
Maybe if I stay close to this fire
One day I'll no longer be able to blister

The way we danced around the words
Talking about how good things were
The good old days and all the things
That we used to laugh about

But things were good when we were in love
But we learned quick that sometimes
Love is just not enough
But when we look back now

There's only before and after
We dance around the times we were together
There's an unspoken pain we share
All the what if's and "why didn't we's"

Nostalgia breaks my heart
Thinking about our love that was art
And how it all just fell apart
But we just twirl, we just spin

We dance around those words

I keep my love for you
under the roses
with eternal petals
in full bloom

The thorns I keep
inside my mind
so I think of you
from time to time

I know that I’ve no right to feel
These feelings weighing down on me
But every time we have these talks
The feelings come crashing back to me

Being kind is the cruelest thing you do to me

I fell in love with
phone calls out of nowhere
deep and endless talks
and the sound of your chuckles

I fell in love with
pointless banter
silly exchanges
and I love you's

I fell in love with
the way you made me laugh
the way you made me smile
and the way you made me cry

I fell in love with
the way you confided in me
the way that you trusted me
and the bravery in your heart

I fell in love with
smokey eyes
long hair
and honesty

I fell in love with
subtle things
and it's all those little things
that I can't live without

After a long day of working on my feet
I love him more than I need to eat
Though my eyes are heavy and body's worn
I love him more than I want to sleep
      
It's been so long since I heard him speak

I've had 9 years to know you
It makes me envy cats,
I wish I had 9 lives to love you

Sunbeams dance in his Smokey Quartz eyes
They meet mine like a subtle kiss
He speaks my name in cursive letters
The sound is like a gentle rain
The way he smiles is intoxicating
I get drunk off the ambrosia that is him

He effortlessly captivates me

Love lays dormant in cemeteries
Sometimes Love claws with bare hands
Out of the grave and back into our arms
Sometimes Love comes back
When the longing outweighs
The ****** hands and broken nails

But Love does not always return
Sometimes Love comes back an urn
The ash of the flame that burned so bright
That it burnt out
Love does not always make it
To cathedral's and wedding halls

Not all bells sound from chapel walls or venue halls
Sometimes the only ringing bells Love hears
Are the ones that bid farewell
The ones we hang with lingering hope
That with a pull of the string
Love will resurrect

But we never forget Love
No matter how small, quick or painful
Love's place in our chests never leaves
In our Mausoleum of Broken Hearts
Lay bouquets of black roses and forget-me-nots
While we wait for love to awake

When others talk
behind your back
misplace your trust
and turn your hope
into scattered dust

While you dwell
on broken promises
heartbreaks and losses
as every bone trembles
looking for some solace

Know when times were rough
and hope was not enough
you were my white knight
and in my life you will always
be the boy with all my love

You are the poetry I wish I could write
Every feeling I get around you
Every word of yours I absorb
Every stare I wish I could immortalize
You are the reason I love to write
You challenge me to describe how I feel
Even when none of these words feel just right
You are the poem I read over and over in my head

The one I wish was mine

In the radiant sun I am exposed to all
In the sunlights embrace I become vulnerable
At night I am protected by all the stars
Veiled under starlight I become something new

Insecurity is brushed away
Pulled back into the shores of my ocean of emotions
A wave of confidence crashes against
And floods my world of anxiety

Under the starlight I transform
I am no longer coward to the eyes of others
I am simply me
A girl surrounded in stars

How can I forget you
When every song I hear reminds me of you?
How can I erase you
When there is nothing that could replace you?
How do I live without you
When you surround me in everything I see?
How do I leave you
If I still dream of all we could be?

I've wished on dandelions
Ladybugs
Stars and constellations
To make my love for you fade
I've begged angels
Demons
Gods and fae
To make your love stay
I never seem to make the right wish
Because I still love you
And you have moved on without me
But in my dreams I still see your smile
And you still tell me how you love me

Why is it I can only have you in fantasy?

Sometimes I smile thinking of him,
then those green thoughts creep inside my head
Who else has he enraptured the way that he has me?
It makes me feel hollow inside
It's a feeling filled with envy, filled with dread
Who else gets stuck inside his head?

I need to find someone else to love
I have oceans and oceans full for you
But you haven't got a single drop for me