You lured me in , I fell for your lies
I fell for your lust-filled words & you looked into my eyes .
You brought my past back , you said you wouldn’t ; I told you I loved you & your reply was you couldn’t .
I gave you everything I had left & all you did was threw it away , I have nothing left but this dulling gaze ; this slow beating heart that’s ready to give way .
I felt it was too perfect , too good to be true , I was way to happy when I was with you . I’m not made to be happy , only to feel pain but I’m the one to blame .
I should have sticked to my promise never to fall again but who was I not to let someone like you in .
Now it’s final I’m no longer whole , just a hollow body with a corrupted soul .
A corrupted soul with a cold heart attached , a bleeding wrist & alcohol on my left . I’m done for good no more soul searching for me ; Cursed souls like ours aren’t meant to be happy .

The journey is almost over ,
The pain has almost surfaced
The voices are leading me in one direction & it’s almost the end.
I’m no longer scared to go ,
I just wanna let go
Be free from all of this
The thoughts memories & bad habits ; the hurting , the lies , the pain & tears running down my eyes .
Don’t talk about how I was young with potential , don’t say I shouldn’t have done it ; remember I didn’t take your help but was always influential .
Helped everyone but myself ,
Overdosed with no help
Cried all alone & always felt numb .
Numb to the world, numb to life
Numb to the good and bad
The happy & sad , the triumphs & fails but your prays won’t prevail .
The journeys almost up & the sand is almost at the last grain . Just know it’ll be done in silence during my favourite weather .... the rain .

Is this death ..
Is this what it feels like...
To be dead inside .
This feeling is deeper than any I’ve felt before , I’m so far in , lost my way from I stepped through that door .
The pills , alcohol, drugs & my mind have all taken over ; I no longer have control & wished I was sober . I’m endlessly falling , doubt I can be saved as the music plays I stare up at the stars in a gaze .
The tears were flowing like a river but dried up after , feels like I’m crying but it doesn’t matter .
What’s worst is the voices are quiet & I can feel them just watching , stalking me as I fall , laughing as I call for help .
This feeling is deeper than any other , number than anything I’ve felt . I don’t know what to do or say or even how it should be dealt .
If this is death then I’ve died over & over ; I can’t even feel my heart beat or my mom rubbing my shoulder .
Now times frozen & everything’s quiet but in my mind is a raging riot , in my mind a battle between life or death . If you feel this way then you’d know how much of life’s wreck I am .

It’s not bad that I wanna die
It’s not bad that I wanna let go ;
It’s not a phase that I’m going through
Just tired of life on the whole.
Just tired of being drained ,
Tired of not sleeping
I’m mostly tired of my wounds deepening .
Let me be , let me be free & remember me or not but I couldn’t take it anymore ,
The recent nights of screaming & crying on my floor
But hey I wouldn’t be hated anymore , hurting at all & the voices would leave me alone
I may finally get some peace .
Funny thing is I’ve escaped death so many & when the time comes hope it doesn’t hurt plenty
Hope it’s quick & before you know it ...
It’ll be like now I don’t exist .

It’s 4:30am & the mornings rolling in , voices are getting louder & my hearts worsening .
My soul freezing over & hope no longer existing , but I have one wish it’s to be ended quick ;
I have one wish it’s to be happy & free
I had one wish I thought it was you + me .
I hoped these wishes would all come through but all I’ve gotten is a disappointing feud.
All I’ve gotten was hate but never regret , it just shows I tried while you played forget .
It’s 5am  ; how much more can I take , how long until the voices make me quake .
How long before I give up & they take over , if this comes through I’d never be sober
I’d be filled with scars , id be worst than I am now , id no longer have a heart .
It’s 5:45 am , I’ve got a noose for a necklace , the voices wanna play hangman & leave no connections .
The games beginning now I’ve got to go , I’m about to be famous for letting go.....

It’s odd...
I find that we’re so close but I’m still alone, you guys talk to me & calm me
Ease me but don’t you see my demons feed on the happiness anyone brings to me .
I can’t be saved , more damage is to be done
I’m hid & fought ; tried to run & forgot
You can’t outrun yourself .
I’m not great or perfect but I’ve always gave my best ;
Others just look & see ; sometimes questions “how broken can you be?”
“What’s going on in his head ?” I’ll give a hint rather an answer , a few words to put it all to bed..
If I go any deeper to the darkness I’d rather just be dead .