Once upon a time, there was a girl
A lonely abused, broken girl..
A girl,
Who every birthday
Just wished for a friend,
A girl,
Who cried herself to sleep every night
And woke up with a smile on her face the next morning
Because she had hope
Oh, so much hope
This girl, went to school every day
And got laughed at
Got told to "Go **** herself'..
Got told she was a "Stupid *****"
But she still had hope
Hope for a better day tomorrow..
Even though she had no friends
And never has really had any
Is always laughed at
And called names, sometimes by the people she loves most
She would sit in her room
Hoping for hours
For things that never came
Like a friend
Mainly that's what this girl thought about
For years it was the only thing on her mind
On her foolish, immature, idotic, mind
But eventually after all those  years
Of thinking, and hoping and wishing
All those ******* years full of hope
She ran out..
Ran out of her precious hope..
And now,
Only now, This girl realizes that there are, and never will be a happy ending for her.

Fly away little bird
You mean so much to me
Fly away, fly so far
You're finally free
It's okay little bird
Just stretch your wings and fly
It doesn't matter, that when you're gone you're lover will surely die
Just soar through the wind
Without a care in the world
It's okay now, because your feelings for her have unfurled
So fly away little bird
I assure you, it will all be okay
Even though this bird will never find another way
Loving you
Little bird, is all she knows how to do
And as much as she trys
She knows you can't learn to fly, and love her too.

I can't believe I just did that.
I made a stupid ******* decision again.
All my friends were telling me not to..
But I did so anyways.
He'll tell people I know he will, and I'll be forgotten about
I had my chance to be a good girl, to change, but it's all over now..
It doesn't even matter anymore
Because either way I'd be left in the dust
He used me and I let him
I was just another "cute girl"
Just another stupid, good for nothing"cute girl" to him
"This meant nothing"
"We are nothing"
And that's all it will ever be.

Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.

I guess I can admit this
I hate your ******* guts
I never truly loved you
Nothing but silly lust
A way to waste time
A way to forget my ex
And since he's mine again
I can finally confess
I used you like a toy
And I have no regrets

As much as I despise it
My love for you is

                                    F A R
Beyond the hatred.

I love your sinful,
beautiful ways,
of playing with,
my heartstrings.

I guess I love...everything.
Your ugly sins.
Your beautiful lies.
Your tainted feelings.
How I wish I could despise.

Oh, your anger.
Oh your clever ***** ways,
of playing with my heartstrings.

Your filthy hands covered in my blood of love.
You never even had the chance to put on gloves.

No words could describe how happy I would make you

She didn’t want the feelings anymore.

She didn’t want the lingering sadness after a short high of happiness.
She didn’t want the questions eating her up at night.
She didn’t want the worry of what she was and what she wasn’t.
She didn’t want to wonder if she was doing things right or completely wrong.
She didn’t want to be the home to violent hate for herself
but the same home to a vibrant and gentle love for him.
She had to get it all out.
She needed to reach down and take all that was within and put it outside of her.
She needed to **** what was in her.
She needed to purge all of the bad that was disguised as good.
These pretty butterflies fluttering through her belly had to leave.
Her stomach and her throat and her heart were no longer their flying grounds.

First, a few fingers reached
but didn’t get the job done.
Then a forceful full hand with nails full of flesh and blood tried to make its way to the creepy little critters that made her stomach tickle with sadistic love
but to no avail.
Finally, a full hand and half a forearm tore through the esophagus and the stomach lining.
At last, she could get them all out.

She sat hung over the toilet with a satisfying pain
that a pretty devil told her was the only way to get the buggers out,
the feelings out.
Slumped over the toilet,
she noticed there was a sweet and sour twinge of numbness dressed up as happiness running through her mind.
Hundreds of dead, black, sad butterflies floated at the top of the toilet.
They were all out.

She didn’t have the feelings anymore.

That legacy of hers will never fade
Even though she's far away
Up in those clouds
Those clouds of white
She's the most beautiful star
In this entire, darling sky

Her face, I haven't seen in years
The girl who left a hole in our hearts
Sidonie was a blessing to know
My love continues to grow
The poet with a mind of gold
Her poems brought out the best
In people, young and old

I miss her constantly
And I lost myself
A thousand times
She truly was
The shining light
But when she died
I seemed to fall apart
Got lost in my sadness
And fell in love with the dark
I miss my favorite poet so much.