I want you to stay
But I also want you to leave
You said it was better for you
It was better for me
But how can I see
When love is blind
I can only walk through walls
When you're by my side.

With lips that speak so tense
I'm an eclipse
Waiting for the end.

The day finished as it begun
A somber feeling, no sun, just grey clouds
Remaining so calm but hesitant
With thoughts that weigh me down
The ground doesn't seem low enough
So I fall upward, finding solace in the opposites.

You ever want to die
Just to feel something
You ever want to feel?

Salvaging the remnants
Like I have nothing left to give
A world worth noticing
But at times
It feels too hard to live
A soft laugh
Where eyes connect
A bit
If only there was enough
For me to find
In this.

Treading this lifeless body
Through earthly endeavours
Dreading what I'll learn next,
Burning the pages of yesterday
And spawning new ideals
Instilled in me by my failures,
I am what I am
And I'm not what I thought
And what I was?
I wish I forgot.

When life gets hard
Moments tend
To starve
And when love
Should flourish
We pretend to sleep
In the silence,
But the stones we walk on
Still prepare themselves
Just as we imagined
And your image
Was all I could witness
When I closed my eyes.

I loved her so much that I let her go
Because her happiness
Meant more to me than my own.

Unsorted thoughts
When the silence
Was at it's loudest.

How frail can one heart get
When lies masquerade without warning
We lost our love because of a story
Maybe we loved too much
But the hurt we both shared
Left an impact deep enough
For the days to breed more pain
Maybe it was the silence of our dismay
Or the choices we chose to make
Or the thoughts that wouldn't go away
Or the heart that needed to break.

I'll search for you in the stars
And learn to fly with these clipped wings
I promise.

Unfolding the layers
I've settled into
And shedding skin
That doesn't belong to me
Anymore.

Is life just on pause
Or has it all stopped
Am I just a ghost
Searching for us
Or am I still here
Just forever lost
My heart still beats
But that's not enough.

I don't think I've wanted to hold you
As much as I did that night
Every kiss stained with black lipstick
Was our beautiful mess
When we reminisced about the past
I heard you laugh and I knew
There was more to our story
This moment was not our last
And when I saw the time and said it was getting late I had a feeling that you wanted to stay
And when I looked down as I rested my head on yours I knew nothing had changed.

Not knowing what to feel
Might be the worst of them all
That's when we fall
The farthest.

She was a solstice
Something to be waited upon
Change in such a way
That made the day seem night
And when she spoke
Only the Angels
Could hear her voice.

If you can't love yourself
How am I supposed to love your doubt,
You have so many beautiful qualities
And it's madness that you push aside
All of these
Lovely things
That you have.

For where it stood
It left nothing underneath
A silent asylum
Of dreams.

Why do I feel
When I'm so lost
My thoughts
Are what makes me want
To give up
If I only held my tongue
Maybe all my wrongs
Would be right
But the serpent inside me
Doesn't trust
Anyone.

My mind drifts
Into
Uncharted waters
Suicide borders
I'm the death you crave
But the life you hate.

I felt my emotions piling over me
Like blankets of water
Where the cold held close
With an illusion of warmth
So linear that the vibrations stopped,
The dreariness felt like home.

I want you now
Just as I did before
The glass that shattered
Did cut my soul
But my shadowy figure is dead
Just as it was before
You make it better
And I wonder where you are
Please come back
And heal my scars.

I wish it all could have been easy
But there's no such thing
You were my world
My love and my pain,
Just know that we tried,
And tried
Over and over again
And if I could go back
I promise
I wouldn't change a thing.
You will be my something special
Forever
In memories.

What does it mean
If I still worry,
We've separated so much
It's impossible to be us
I fall apart just remembering
The reasons
I wonder where you are
And I hope you
Still smile.

I feel alone,
Alone like I used to feel
Constantly asking if it will ever end,
It did before
So maybe again
But I don't know what to do
Because I don't fully understand
I still hope I run into you
Just like we did before
And I would look across
And find your eyes
But also find the floor,
I'm not as strong as you think
Sometimes I think I loved you more
And when you said you lost some love
It seemed like you were falling short,
If I still gave you everything
Who then would I be?
Sometimes I think
You would lose even more love
The longer you were with me...

And that's why I had to leave.

The silence cuts pretty deep
And I know you were right
For me
I'm sad you had to leave
And I miss you everyday
I'm not okay
And I know you aren't either
And it's killing me.

So full of truth I *****
Dominoes in sequence
For my muse

I just know
That if I ever needed
Bright eyes
I'd be by your side
Because
You like
What I like
And I like
What you like.

If the pieces put you back together
Where would you be?
Would you then see me
Enough
To understand that we all are lost.

I remember
The little things the most
How it felt
When you were close
And how it was when you were far
I always wanted to be there
I never wanted to be apart.

It's all so different now
I don't feel up for being happy
Last week seems like yesterday
And 7 years is but another life.

I still have the cut on my hand
Memories engraved with silence
A dying wish to see her
And how I've been standing.

Do you ever really let go
Of someone you once held
As if when they left
You felt a part
Of yourself
Close
Building up walls
So you won't feel exposed
And ignoring how tall they've grown,
A happy smile
But beyond that
Yields so much pain
I collapse on the thought
That this may never go away.

I used to check
If you had written
A poem
Almost everyday
Now I expect
That you are smitten
alone
And far away
I used to let
The clovers and crimson
Postpone
My decay
But now that I've slept
On nails of riddance
I'm not home
Anywhere I stay.

Sitting slouched and waiting to be questioned
Dying drenched and anxious
Constantly hesitant and vanquished
Trying so hard not to be abandoned
As I've seen before.

I wake up and laugh at the dream
Only remembering
That, that dream was me.

I guess this is what it feels like to barely breathe
Waking up just to go back to sleep
I guess now I'm a fiend
I get so high off dimethyltryptamine
You'll only find me in my dreams.

When my heart beats different
Is when I fear the world never listened
Sometimes it's not enough to accept
That there will always be something missing
Sometimes I wonder
If I loved you for a reason
And if you ever feel the same.

I think of her dying
I don't see myself surviving
The strongest soul is not of a lion's
It's the one that is tired
From loving others
It's not fair but it's what's on our horizon
Have you seen the sun?
I haven't opened my eyes in a while...

A cliffside cigarette
The rush of being on top of it all
Knowing how easy it would be to fall.

Sometimes I feel like the days just fall
Into each other without any elegance
Sometimes I steal emotions from strangers who seem fit
Sometimes I wish I was better.

My bones belonged to you
And you alone
I tried and died
Again alone.

The cracking of my skin
And the darkness under my eyes
The life I've let in
And the days I wished I'd die.

My daily routine consists of me
Hiding and telling lies
It's hard to ignore what I've held inside
It's hard to go outside
The world spins
And I'm spinning
Hoping for new beginnings
But still holding on to the past
The memories
Are all I have
And that's not enough
Anymore.

Perfectly painted into my sight
She stood still
And asked me to join her
I had the time of my life
And she vanished
Only remnants of good morning kisses
I wish I could have held her longer.

I saw you laugh
And I couldn't
Help remembering
How beautiful
You were
In that moment.

So much sadness
Quietly tucked away
Reserved for a later date
I wish I had stayed.

If i could find my soul
I'd ask if it would grow
And free me of this body
That always finds misfortune
Sometimes I wish I was alone
More alone than you can imagine
Sometimes I feel so much sadness
That not even tears could ration
Sometimes my thoughts are not passion
But bleak ideals
That take hold without asking
Sometimes I wish it was only
Sometimes
But sometimes is forever passing.

How do I learn from the darkness
That never unvailes
How do I raise my head
When Im already a shadow
How do I pick up the pieces
Hanging from the gallows
The mind stands still
And the water is
Forever too shallow
To dive.

Hibernate till my soul awakes
And wait for the wake
That crawls under my skin
Today and other days
Fade away into a later date
Always remaining here
In this melancholic state,
For eyes do not see mine
When I hide in the shade
I'll smirk when I see the subtle pain
That surrounds me
But my heart is shuddering
And pounding.