The sun burns my skin
And I'm fine with that
I want my veins to bleed dry
Don't let me in.

Sometimes I think
Could the sun be too bright
Or could this all be a fault in my mind
Just gravitating towards the light
That I've designed
To heal
But maybe it's not real
Could my mind tell such lies?
Or have I just disguised
My sadness.

I still do check
If you've written something
I'm happy you do.

I am everything wrong
With myself
I am
My worst fears
And my doubts
If it wasn't for me
Maybe I wouldn't hate
Everyone else.

I felt a deep nothingness
As if I was about to faint
The cold reality I grasped
Crumbled into something smaller
Unfamiliar
But ever present.

I'm always reminded
Like you're here beside me
The songs I used to play
And how it all felt
It's too quiet
I'm here, come find me
The love we gave
And how I wish it was now.

And after all the clatter
Reality settles in
For the remainder of the seconds
I consume.

It's safe it's fine I'm eroding
I used to be so open
Life at times is hopeless
I'm unsolved and morbid.

There was a flurry of orchards
All burning under a crescent moon
And the gasps of the unfamiliar,
How they stared like a passerby
All wanting more.

The concepts
Saw hope in an afterlife
But they lacked sweat
Pooling under
Clenched hands.

Infatuated by the silence
Wishing for a voice
That gets me.

My waking state is of pieces
Slivers I've chosen to accept
Have you found my pain?
Maybe only the fragments I chose
To give away.

I wonder way too much
I'm distracted by the thought of us
And what it used to be
The blood that fell originally
Now pooled
With no echo of distrust
Or hesitant desire
We were all that we could be
Until we weren't

In full view
I see a stranger
In my own eyes
I've lived and I've tried
I've loved and I've lost
And the frost covered pictures
Still make me smile
Just enough
To forget who I am
Inside.

Pieces of love found throughout
The ones I've held dear
Memories meshed together
As if It was all meant to be
And thoughts come and go
As if they were dreams,
I can barely remember,
But the feeling lasts forever
And has sat with me today
The longing for what cannot be told
Doesn't seem to go away.

Feeling secluded
Posthuman
In bloom
Trapped behind full moons
Unused
And left
For truth to find
It's so quiet
When I don't dream at night.

When you **** everything you touch
Death doesn't seem too much
Blind for life and in a rush
Crushing my heart
And others
Don't get me started I'm smothered
Who plays the part of my mother
I chose to live for the numbers

And question where I am.

I remember when you would smile
When you looked at me
And when I looked back it lasted
For a while.

Find me in dystopia
Where the trees grow more beautiful
Underneath
And the shattered souls
Are the air we breathe
The ever changing
And the thoughts
We actually mean
A plague so fruitful
We can feast
I'll be in the garden
Ripping apart my limbs
For I am free.