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 Mar 2015 ghostsonpaper
oni
and i was
helping him
breathe
while you
were attempting
to drown
him
You always said you wanted
To be an aerospace engineer.
Someone who dedicates their whole life
To something so far away
Something they can never fully have.

I know how painful a life like that can be.
Because I'm already living it with you.
Reach for the stars,.... Or maybe a boy
when my time comes
it comes
and I will gladly leave
to those who go on living
the task of sorting out
the mess I have accumulated
over years

let them discover
not only the stamp collection
the bank accounts
but also unknown niches
of their father’s/friend’s/husband’s life
the words unspoken
scribbled on some paper
thoughts never shared
for lack of time or opportunity
the letters to a friend of yore
emails to many people
hints of potential
love affairs that maybe never happened
ideas to change the world
into a better place

here I am
  now with a 7 before my years
envisioning life after death

a sign of vanity
perhaps
or an expression of despair

I am not sure

it may just be
the fleeting thoughts
on a clear winter evening
when cold creeps slowly
but insistently
into your bones

reminding you

   of all that cold space
   in our universe
   how it grows larger by the second

making you wonder
if it has a plan
and if that plan
includes you
speculating
about your destiny

        * *
I still think about you
as you lay in peace
6 ft under the ground
tomorrow is your birthday
you're going to be 56

and that's breaking me
I wanted you to see
me grow in every way
im sorry that you
were in so much pain

just promise me
on April 9th and 10th
you will be there with me
when im performing
my heart out
in remembrance of you
 Mar 2015 ghostsonpaper
Holly
You
 Mar 2015 ghostsonpaper
Holly
You
I look at you
And i can see it in your face.
You think you can hide it,
But i see you.

I see the hurt,
The dark circles beneath your eyes.
And the quiet plea
Dancing on your bottom lip,
Too afraid to be voiced
Too afraid to be heard
Because your too afraid to be hurt.

And i just want to take you and
Wrap you up in my arms
Hold you, console you
Tell you things you'll believe.
But you don't seem to believe
Anything anymore.
Because you have been deceived
Far too many times.

So i'll just look at you
And see the pain in your fake smile,
And i'll smile back
And i'll hear the attempted deception
When you tell me your just tired,
I'll say me too.

I know your broken inside,
I can see it in your lies.

Roses are red,
Your wrist are too
Violets are blue,
And so are you.
Do you ever feel
Like driving off in the middle of the night
Climbing a mountain and yelling
At the moon?

In all its serenity
In all its quiet peace

A constant sight in my sleepless nights
And I must know it's secrets
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