Nightmares chasing me,
keeping me from sleep,
Oh, this ptsd
is really binding me,
can't even be alone to dream
of sunshine and roses and happy things
when all you do is haunt me
and rob me of my sleep...

No one ever listened
to what she had to say,
but they liked the way
her words sounded on the page

I'll place a whisper of a kiss
on your pale lips,
even though this isn't a goodbye,
though you've run out of time,
because you'll forever be alive
and breathing inside my memory.

Face of cracked stone
eyes hollowed and black
hands relaxed into fists
lips tugged down into frown

she feels nothing
nothing at all

Yet a single dewdrop is slick
shined from the night time grass
playing with the corner of her eye
before slow-motion sliding down her face

Yet she feels nothing
nothing at all

I can't go a day without missing you,
most days I feel like I can't go on,
but somehow I do and the thought
of being able to live without you makes
me feel like I betrayed you,
I miss you more than the world,
and it breaks me that the world
continues spinning without you
no matter how much I beg it to stop,
but the world will keep on spinning,
torturing me with every breath I take
until you're nothing more than a memory

On a scale of 1 to 10
they say I'm a 4,
below average.
If I got a 4 out of 10 on a test
I'd be failing with an F.
Yet when it comes to smarts,
I get straight A's in school,
perfect 10's on every paper.
But nobody ever sees the smart girl
all they see is the ugly 4.
I'll never be more than just a number...

sixth-period algebra
front row
left side seat
brown hair
black glasses
bright smile

Did you know?

that she sat next to you
the whole year

Did you know?

about the hidden moments we
were together

Did you know?

how her hand fit
with mine

Did you know?

that I sometimes wish I were with her
instead of you

You didn't know?!

well now you do

I've been kicked to the curb
it doesn't hurt
or so I've told myself

My mental health
hides with stealth
It's all just in my head

I go to bed
seeing red
It'll all be better tomorrow

***** my sorrow
all I do is whine
I'm totally fine

Or so  I've told myself

When you broke up with me
I would listen to Olivia Rodrigo on repeat.
I listened to her lyrics
as if they were the Bible
because she was the only one
who knew what I was feeling.
And though I've moved on,
hearing her songs still bring me to tears
because my heart still remembers
the way my voice rose
when I begged for you back
over and
over and
over again.
My heart still remembers the days
I was too afraid to face my friends
who wanted you dead
or the nights I spent crying
because you weren't there to comfort me.
And even though you've told yourself to forget
those times we tenderly shared,
I know my heart will always remember.
Because I will always play those same **** songs
over and
over and
over again.

***** to water
everyone stares
somebody stop her
someone just care

shes destroying herself
one drink at a time
look at her health
those warning signs

she won't turn back
once shes hooked
steer off track
if you overlook

Love is a lie
it is a flame
that must be tamed
it is pain
like acid rain
it is strong  
then feels wrong
it is gone
before next dawn
so I don't try

I have come back to poetry
because in the end, it's the only one
who really knows me
  
It won't shun me if I leave it
won't whimper or even whine
instead it will be waiting
To comfort me till I'm fine

And late at night we'll sit
together toasting my return
we'll celebrate old rhymes
and all the things we've learned

The writing off of my secrets
that make my heart race
when I whisper them aloud

The words leaping out of my mind
and onto crumpled paper
giving a graceful pirouette

And they grin at me
so ever warm and welcoming
telling me I am not alone in this

For days I read them over and over
to grasp the feelings of this other person
who I may or may not be anymore

And when I'm finished I crease the edges
into an origami bird
hold it up and set it free

The words fluttering away on the breeze
along with my problems
secrets no longer

People who write poetry
always wear their hearts on their sleeves.
They’re not afraid to feel
or look weak.
Poets aren't afraid to look for answers
in the binds of their mind,
or to sit and reflect over regrets
that most people try to forget.
Poets look at a sunset
and instead of seeing the opportunity for
a perfect picture
see the opportunity for
a perfect poem
that only they can write.
Yes poets are not only a different kind of people,
they're also a different kind of beautiful

They say opposites attract.
It's even proven by science.
Two poles will always
fit together like puzzle pieces,
like they were made for each other,
while two poles from the same place
will always repel each other
no matter how hard you try
to force the two together.
Everyone I know dreams
that their soulmate will be just like them,
that they'll be able to bond
over similar stories and interests.
But I'll be out there
looking for my polar opposite.
Because if I can't trust my heart,
I trust science.

There's this pressure in my lungs
that keeps building and building,
making it harder to breathe,
so hard that I'm afraid my lungs
are going to burst like a balloon,
because it never gets better,
because you never stop pushing me.
I'm on the edge of a cliff about to fall,
yet you think you know what's best for me,
I'm getting tired of it all.
Maybe I should jump
before you push me too far,
because I'll never meet your expectations
when all you do is raise the bar,
because all you want is more and more,
and this pressure keeps on building and building,
making it harder to breathe.

Valentine's Day is just a day that was made
to make the single people sad
or make the people in relationships realize
that the person they're with
couldn't care less about them.
I've been both people each and every year.
Prove me wrong.
Valentine's Day is just a day of despair.

Over the years you've
played with my heartstrings,
pulled them taught,
became my puppeteer.
I tried to convince myself
that I didn't need you,
that I would be happier
without your harsh words
or controlling nature.
But without you I lay in a lifeless heap
unused
unloved
umimportant
Because you're he only one who sees me
even if It's just for my body
instead of my brain.
And even if I never know what love feels like
I'll at least  feel the tension from the strings
tearing me away
when I try to follow my own path.
Because if I've learned anything
pain feels better than feeling nothing at all.

His eyes were the rainbow sunset
Smile was the source of all my laughter
I know he would never let,
me fall and brittly shatter.

His laugh is the music
a choppy chuckling beat
though to others it may sound tragic,
to me this escape is elite

His smallest touch sets my skin to fire
a roaring soaring blaze,
I would be a liar
if I said it was just a faze

But here I am as I open my eyes,
it was all just a dream
for no matter how high I rise
His eyes will never share my gleam.

She cries herself to sleep every night,
shivering under the covers, trying to fight
the demons that haunt her dreams.
Yet to others everything isn't as it seems.
A smile stretched across her round face,
pushes everyone's suspicions away.

She wishes she could push away the demons
the same way she pushes away her feelings.

we are a tangle of legs
and a knot of arms
two puzzle pieces snapped together
against the lockers

your breath fades to rhythm
our heads fallen together
but mine speeds up
nostrils noisily flaring with each breath

I'm afraid of loving something so beautiful
and I hate that to society its
a beauty only his mother and I
could ever love
and I'm afraid you'll change your mind
because no one in my life has
called me beautiful
ever
not until you did

The whole school hates me
"She's a *****," your friend said
to be honest I thought you'd agree
with him
with everyone
but you didn't

I'm transfixed on the way our heads fit together
yours against mine
and how you sigh a whispered
I love you
for only me to hear
so that when the bell rings I'm smiling
no, we're smiling
like complete and utter dorks
the two puzzle pieces
separated
only to snap back together again
tomorrow

You deserved my wrath
a brick to the face
to choke on your disgrace
when you crossed my path

I crave to see your blood
gushing out of your eyes
and your mouth of lies
then drying to mud

I need to hear your heart stop
with you begging for mercy
through tears of blurry
as I twist you into knots

but I didn't stoop that low
no pools of red
just rage instead

I shouldn't have let you go

Sometimes I look outside
while it's raining rampant
and remember the simple times
when I used to believe
you could dodge the raindrops
and not get wet
if you were fast enough,
or how I used to race the raindrops
as they slid down the window
when I was stuck inside
for the day to play instead.
Those were the little things I worried about as a kid.
Now I worry about
what I'm gonna do after high school
when I'm thrown out into the world,
or if I'll be lucky enough to have someone
want to settle down and start a family with me,
or if I'll even make a big enough mark
for at least one person
to remember me by when I die.
And since I can't rewind my life,
I'm stuck staring out the window at the raindrops
to remember those memories
that can only be found from childhood.

Whenever I sit and ponder upon my life
I can always count on fairy tales,
on princesses.
But no, I'm not talking about all the
glitz and glamour and happy endings
most people imagine,
I think of the little things,
of how jealous I am of Cinderella.
And no, I could care less
about her prince or fairy godmother,
all I care about is the ball,
of how Cinderella got it all.
Cinderella at least got
to stay out till midnight,
when my ball came around,
when prom came around,
I was never even allowed to attend,
I never get the chance
to see the twinkling lights
or the dresses long enough to trip over,
I'd never dance till my legs turned to jelly,
or walk in with the love of my life,
no, I'd never even be there long enough
to drop my glass slipper.
I will never have till midnight,
all I'll ever have are four walls to stare at
under the surveillance of my strict parents,
I'll never be a Cinderella,
I'll only ever be a Rapunzel,
locked up in a tower,
waiting on a prince to save me
that will never come.

The first breath
Of beautiful death!

Oh how I crave
To be in a grave!

Its my destiny
To rest-in-peace!

It doesn't matter how I put it.
Would it?

Because know matter how
I write it down
I'll still be found
in the ground

her voice has risen
deep and heartbroken
notes spread out so thick
they sound imprisoned

when harmonized with another
its offbeat and dragging
when by itself
its a mournful smother

yet I sit and listen
heaviness in my chest
what is behind those bright eyes
that I've been missing?

You twist the truth
into boy scout knots
and put them on display
for all to see.
"Look at me! Look what I did!"
and everyone believed it,
while I sat in the corner, quiet,
because people only want to believe
the story that sounds the most interesting.

feet flying fast
yet barely touching the ground

small silent strides
that make no sound

wind whipping wildly
through my mane of hair

time ticking tandem
slowing this moment everywhere

some people think
writing a sentence
and hitting enter
a hundred times
is poetry

but poetry is
that on-the-edge-of -your-seat rollercoaster ride
that only goes up,
that ending ******* all pretty with a bow,
that washes you with a wave of emotions,
the crumple of paper and the smell of ink
that hits your nose as you sit on your bed,
dreaming so hard you can see the stars in your eyes.
No, poetry doesn't just scratch the surface,
with simple, shallow words,
poetry makes you feel emotions
you didn't' know existed.

no escape
heart's race
pounding pace
then slowly fades
just go away
no escape

I was standing under the lights
my palms laced with sweat
wanting to run and take flight
back to stage left.

but through the sea of faces
our eyes so happen to meet,
and in at that moment, of all places,
I’m a ball of burning heat.

Old memories blur my vision
of us playing tag at recess
of sitting in front of the television
of the love I never confessed.

I begin to tap my feet
and like always I dance the tune
my heart a rhythmic beat
for no one else but you

Always lying
Slowly dying
Still crying
Quickly sighing
Never trying

You look right through
my soul
to see her standing new
and whole

I think about cutting myself
every single day,
I don't even know
what stops me from doing it anymore,
but every day I feel like I'm further away
from being able to be talked down,
and this voice in my head will take control

I wish you loved me
but most of all
I wish I loved myself

Self love.
Something I'm incapable of.

I'm like a jigsaw puzzle,
I'm worthless without others
surrounding me.
Others who make me look more
interesting, and kinder, and funnier
than I really am.

Because deep down I'm
a scared little girl with eyes
so wide you can see the whites.
A naive little girl who
falls in love and
gets trapped like a fly
stuck in a spider's web.
A brat of a little girl who is
too ignorant and too quick
to question and judge others.

Self love.
Something I will never be capable of.
Because I will never accept
the person I really am.

Because I despise myself more
than I despise my worst enemy

If you love me
unlock these chains
give me air
set me free
just trust for once
that I'm doing right
so I can breathe

One day it'll change
I'll pack my bags
and leave
so you can't control
whats in my mind
for once I'll see
what happiness is
and finally be able
to ditch the gradually
building pressure that's been
in my chest for years

When I flee
I'll find love
and then I'll see
that you never
ever really loved me

Standing on the bus stop
waiting for what seems like one infinite minute,
the wind holding its breath

I lift my head up
foot tapping a rhythm,
a distraction from your figure
growing with each step

"Hi," he says.

And the silence stretches like taffy

I'm looking down at the cement,
seeing the way the midmorning light
makes our shadows look like they're
touching,
nearly attached at the waist

I wish we could do the same with our bodies

"Hey," I finally reply
but what I really wanted to say was
"I love you."

I want to sneak a peek at you,
see the ends of your chocolate brown hair
tickling your right eyelid,
see your eyes of teal
meeting mine

But I'm forced to stay focused on the shadows
knowing this is the closest we will ever come
to being close again

I pick up the stones
carry them on my back
so you're not alone

The rocks they stack
and you shed the tears
with me right there
we conquer your fears

You know I care

I would break
my withered bones
for that grin to wake
as your own

She was the melody,
the song my heart
has always been searching for,
the beat that could always make me
stand up and dance,
and just like the song
I can't get stuck out of my head,
I will never forget you,
even after the last chord strikes
and my head hangs heavy.

knife tracing over my veins,
blue green against paper skin
the paths, the new beginnings
I could have followed
had I chosen to.

My heart racing
like it's running a marathon,
my head crackling
like an old t.v

Only one thought pops
into my mind,
piercing through the white noise,
through the free flowing tears.
Should I?

The brown eyed girl
believed she was nothing but a defect
but I believe she just hasn't begun to unfurl
her own set of silver wings yet

heart of sunshine
laughter of wind chime

she is beautiful
brown eyes so full and bright
her smile that will never dull
has showered everyone in her light

full of brains
no refrain

one day she won't need me to sew her wings
and she'll fly to history
leave a burn if anything
hand in hand with me.

Quiet and tearfully
hidden mental health
loud and cheerfully
numbing myself

I know I'm depressed
I admit
I'm always stressed
when trying to ignore it

Tightening tension
inside the bearer of
that I can't even mention
to the one I think I love

You ask how a panic
attack will come in
and then turn manic
all so scarily sudden

You say I can talk to you
forever at my aid
That this burdening blue
will some day fade

Oh but it lingers
still It billows
when curling my fingers
deep in my pillow

But I won't ever tell
you that when it's late
how my mind will yell
out with hate

I can't trust
anyone kind
can't cause a fuss
must keep this inside

It's not like you can help
me endeavor
the feelings I've felt
since forever

I'm sorry
I couldn't be like her,
I'm sorry
I couldn't be the daughter you wanted,
I'm sorry
I don't share your beliefs,
or dreams,
or perspective,
but most of all,
you should feel sorry for yourself.

We all were so close,
we all had each other's backs,
and you gave the best hugs
until you stabbed me in the back.

You had turned so fast
I had to do a double take,
I had no idea
you could act so fake.

I wish I would've known
that you had another person
living inside of you,
a parasite infecting you
from the inside out,
I wish I had never had to find out.

I wish I could just have
the old you back,
because you used to give the best hugs
until you stabbed me in the back...